Married couple, different surnames. How do I address an invitation

[mrsleomcgary]

Just that really. Our friends got married and she hasn't taken his name. I just addressed the invitation to our daughters naming ceremony, writing Mr and Mrs. Is that right, should it be Mr X and Mrs Y (as in her name)? Mr X and Ms Y?

I'm sure she wouldn't be offended by the way I have addressed it but would prefer to get it right!

use their names ffs
Mary Brown and John Smith
Ms M Brown and Mr J Smith
Mary and John

not hard

I don't like titles so it would be just first name last name for me. But it is definitely not Mrs. I think I will go with mr x and ms y. Though is she or the husband your friend? I don't like it when mine comes second when the person knows me instead of my husband. Found it incredibly sexist. (But OTOH I don't mind Mrs hisname if the person doesn't know me).

HTH

And yes basically my preferred address would be Mary X and John Y, or just Mary and John, if I haven't made it clear enough.

Name Name and Name Name. That's how dh and I are usually addressed.

I am not a Mrs. Ms would be fine but my preference is to be addressed without titles.

If you don't know their preferred titles put full names.

And yes, put her name first if she is the closer friend.

And yes, my name first if we are being invited by my friends or family.

Presumably you would use the same title she had before she got married? I was Ms Same Surname before and after but if she was Miss before, using Ms is not inaccurate (as it is neutral of marital status).

Nice of you to think about it. I sent out thank you cards with our postal address featuring heavily ( i.e. with 'unchanged' names/titles) after our wedding and again after DC1 was born. Still get loads of cards in my 'married' name ( or to your 'other wife' as I like to say to DH). It's bloody rude, actually.

That's a good point, did she use Ms before she got married? If so it is highly unlikely she'll have switched to Mrs.

I agree that it's nice that you are considering it too, 14 years on and I am still getting cards addressed to Mrs DHSurname instead of Ms Ownsurname. I wouldn't say I'm offended, but it does irritate me a bit. To be honest it depresses me that so many just assume it in this day and age. But that's another thread.

Why don't you ask her how she prefers to be addressed??

They're on holiday just now so can't reach them, and I'm horribly diaorganised so need to send them now so they have it when they get back!

First name surname is probably the way to go, remembered at 3am that she is actually Dr Y (she's a child psychologist), again not sure of she uses her title day to day but for the sake of keeping things simple I'm forgetting titles all together!

In Scotland, traditionally you would be Mrs Jemina Maiden name or Husbands surname. So when people call me Mrs Jemima Maiden name, it is not wrong.

However, if you are addressing a couple saying Mr A and Mrs B would sound odd.

Does Mrs have any element of belonging to on its own, or does it just constitute the married state?

Various options - for envelope:

Dr Hername and Mr Hisname
Mr Hisname and Dr Hername
A Hername and B Hisname
B Hisname and A Hername

For invitation:

Bruce & Alice
Alice & Bruce
Or any of the envelope options (with full first names instead of initials if you prefer)

Or it could be:

Ms Hername and Mr Hisname
Mr Hisname and Ms Hername
Miss Hername and Mr Hisname
Mr Hisname and Miss Hername

I'd go for one of the Ms options.

I understood 'Mrs' to historically mean 'mistress of an independent household' i.e. you would be Miss till you left your parent's house, which for most people would be upon marriage.

Good point about Scotland, seahorse. The practise of taking your husband's name only became common up here after the Treaty of Union.

I'm in Scotland seahorse, that'll do!