We've travelled across half the country on one of our rare-ish visits to DP's family, including his much older brother (60) who has a learning disability and lives in sheltered accommodation. He is very jolly and laid back but DD1 (nearly 4) is so scared of him. He's a big person, being very overweight and he shouts when he speaks as he is hard of hearing. He has continence issues so is sometimes a bit smelly and often has bandaged sores on his legs. She has been pleading with us for days that she doesn't want to visit him. We did go today and she spent the whole time silently curled up on DP's lap hiding her face. Now she's really upset at the prospect of visiting again tomorrow and won't go to sleep. She's always been fine with visiting previously, but this time it's as if she's dreamed him up to be some kind of ogre. We've tried explaining all the things she finds disconcerting about him, tried not making a big deal out of it, tried cajoling, persuading, insisting, but she's just crumpling. Should we insist she comes (she could watch TV, play with toys or draw, it's not like she has to listen to hours of grown-up talk or anything) or should one of us stay behind at DMiL's with her? I'm just thinking about the lessons that will come out of this depending on the decision we make and how we handle it.