Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

No food in friends house... wwyd?

22 replies

AfricanExport · 07/04/2014 09:38

Hi

My dd (12) has a friend who often sleeps over and vice versa. A couple of times now DD had come home and said they have no food on the house, that the fridge is genuinely empty. Something my dd has luckily never seen before. Yesterday they had boiled pasta for lunch.. just pasta, as that was all that was in the cupboard. its holidays now which means no fsm. Sad

Now I am in a dilemma. I want to help but I don't know how. I hate thefact that this child has nothing. What do I do?
I though of buying a gift card for tesco or the co-op (local and walkable) or getting food delivered. But I don't want to come across wrong.

ps.. we had food donated as a kid so to me is just the right thing to do.

OP posts:
Hertschick · 07/04/2014 09:41

I would do something but obviously you don't want to make anyone embarrassed. Perhaps a gift card posted through their letterbox?

Elllimam · 07/04/2014 09:41

Maybe post an anonymous donation through their door? Or anonymous gift card?

Elllimam · 07/04/2014 09:42

X posted hertshick clearly on the same wavelength Grin

Original poster
AfricanExport · 07/04/2014 09:47

okay. Great... I'll see if I can do that. Hopefully dd knows the flat number so I can put it on their post box. If a gift card I think I'll do a few smaller value ones. So say 5 � £10 would be better than 1 big one. Right?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 07/04/2014 09:52

can you have the kid over more often?

What ever you do, do it anonymously so you don't get stuck doing it all the time then complained about for 'she could have put some sugar in' like I did.

Sometimes you have to harden your heart. But a one off for the easter holidays is a lovely idea. It's very nice of you.

gamerchick · 07/04/2014 09:53

*I was rather.

invicta · 07/04/2014 09:55

Can you get some information about local food banks, and send it to them

SavoyCabbage · 07/04/2014 09:59

And when your dd goes over you could send something you baked. Even if you don't bake you could pretend.

You could make sausage olls when her dd is at hours and send them home with her.

Artandco · 07/04/2014 10:00

Could you do it sutely? Ie your dd ask if she can bring some cake stuff if they can make it there. Ie to make some raisen and apple muffins. But obv send with large bag of raisens, whole box of eggs even if they only need the odd bit/ an egg? And get her to leave the rest there.

Or pizza bases with loads of cheese/ toppings so there will obv be spare. Ie huge block of cheese, whole pepperoni/ peppers/ tomatoes / etc

Invite over to yours once a week also. Say to her mother it's easier for you if your dd has a playmate. Maybe odd sleepover so you can feed breakfast, lunch and dinner if needed.

Hopefully it's just temporary

ZeroSomeGameThingy · 07/04/2014 10:01

I'm not in that position but honestly - if someone posted anoymous gift cards / vouchers through my door I would be furious, distressed, humiliated...

What do you know of this family? Have you visited their house yourself? Do you know the parent(s)? Have you seen inside their fridge and cupboards?

Your DD is 12 - perhaps there's a misunderstanding somewhere? Are the sleepovers last-minute or pre-arranged? Because it's surprising that someone with no money for food would be inviting her child's friends for sleepovers.

If the situation really is as your DD describes do you really think random acts of kindness are the right way to address poverty - either in the long or short term?

I think you need a much clearer and more detailed knowledge of the situation before you do anything.....

sebsmummy1 · 07/04/2014 10:01

I would make sure the friend came over lots so you could feed him up.

SouthernComforts · 07/04/2014 10:04

Artandco that is a good idea.

Floggingmolly · 07/04/2014 10:09

Some ratbag actually moaned about the contents of a gift box, gamer?
Some people Hmm

Lamu · 07/04/2014 10:11

Dbro's step Dd has a friend like this. Her mum is an alcoholic. It's terribly sad. They often have her round, feed her, include her in family outings etc. she's a lovely sweet well spoken girl.

I agree with Zero to a point. You can't know the situation fully just by going from what your Dd has said. I would cook/ bake large batch of whatever were having and send her home with a extra.

yellowsnownoteatwillyou · 07/04/2014 10:18

I had a friend like this when I was younger, I used to just invite her round to mine for dinner and never ate there.
They were a strange family when it came to food, looking back on it, they just didn't seem to shop the way I would. Instead of lots of staples they would buy random treat things then eat everything in the fridge in one go. Whole boxes of cereal in a day and things like that.
Don't send a gift card round, you don't know all the facts, could be any thing from getting a new fridge to going shopping the next day and they were getting a take away.
Just feed her at yours or send stuff for your dd to share if she is going there.

gamerchick · 07/04/2014 10:20

No the contents were fine.. I just didn't put sugar in for teas and stuff. In my defense I don't drink tea or coffee so wouldn't have occurred to me. I don't mind not being thanked as shit like that can be cringeworthy if you have no food in.. but I didn't like being complained about.

Anyway.. maybe having her over more often might be better and everything else that's been said.

Original poster
AfricanExport · 07/04/2014 13:56

Artando. I like it. The girls do cook for themselves and bake so I will do that.

I can have her spend more time at ours. She is at our house often and normally sleeps each Friday (when moms bf visits).

I am 100% sure that this is not a timing thing, unfortunately. This is not the first time it's been mentioned. And on a few occasions the girls have wanted a sleepover there and mum has said no as they cannot feed dd.

I do not want to interfere or embarrass anybody. I just don't want this girl to go hungry. She our friend Wink

OP posts:
odyssey2001 · 08/04/2014 08:08

I know this extreme but are you concerned the child is going without? If so, I would suggest you call the NSPCC helpline as social services may need to get involved. I know you are trying to help but what you are considering doing is only a temporary measure.

NearTheWindymill · 08/04/2014 08:17

I wouldn't send gift cards/money - you've no idea whether the money will be spent on food for the child. I think I'd just feed her up when she visits and try to send her home with a "goodie" bag just for her with a drink, some cake, some fruit, etc.

DwellsUndertheSink · 08/04/2014 08:29

Id agree that a call to SS is in order. They will be able to determine the facts - eg, is mum spending money on booze because she is an alcoholic or addict? Is she in massive debt and in need of debt counselling? Is she depressed and cannot motivate herself to shop and cook? Social services will be able to investigate without affecting the friendship between the girls. In the meantime, sending the girls over with ingredients for baking or pizza would be a great idea. assuming of course that they till have gas and electric.

We knew a family like this when I was young. Dad was an alcoholic, mum had mental health issues I think. The cupboards were completely bare, but there were beer bottles all over the house. The kids lived off avocado that grew in the yard. The children were in rags - the 8 year old boy wearing age 3 shorts.

The oldest daughter was in her teens, and I gave her some of my clothes so she would have something fashionable to wear. The next week, she was still in her rags, and her mum was wearing the clothes.

The parents were unable to put the needs of the children above their own wants.

fuzzpig · 08/04/2014 08:30

Sadly I had the same thought as windymill. No guarantees any money would actually be spent on food. Sending actual food under the guise of baking etc is better I think

differentnameforthis · 08/04/2014 09:34

If it is an ongoing issue, then you need to report, I think.

What else is she having to do without, poor girl

New posts on this thread. Refresh page