After being married for 30 years, a man took a look at his wife and said, "Honey, do you realize 30 years ago, I had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a pull out bed and watched a 13 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 21 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 51 year old blonde. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
Now the wife, a very reasonable woman, told him to go out and find a hot 21 year old blonde, and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and if he was lucky he would have a small television to watch.
'A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.'
Divorced barbie -
One day a father gets out of work early and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?
We have:
Work Out Barbie for $19.95,
Shopping Barbie for $19.95,
Beach Barbie for $19.95,
Disco Barbie for $19.95,
Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,
Astronaut Barbie for $19.95,
Skater Barbie for $19.95,
and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.
The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:
'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
Some time after their bitter divorce, a man happened to pull
up alongside his ex-wife at a traffic signal. He shouted over,
"So... out looking for a little, huh?"
She smiled sweetly and said, "No, I had 6 years of that with
you. Now, I'm out looking for a LOT!"
This my favourate one
A dad walks into a market followed by his 15 year old son.
The kid is spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between
his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into
the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into
his mouth and lodges in his throat.
He immediately starts choking, going blue in the face, and Dad
starts panicking, shouting for help.
A stunningly attractive but serious woman in a Blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her Newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds her newspaper and places it on the
counter. Then she gets up from her seat and makes her unhurried
way across the market.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's
testicles and squeezes gently at first and then ever more firmly until they were about pop.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up
the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and
walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting
ill-effects, The father rushes over to the woman and starts
effusively thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do
anything like that before-it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"Good heavens, no," the woman replies. "I'm a Divorce Attorney for women."