Please don't judge me. I'm 53, and 18 months ago I began a relationship with a colleague. We've known each other for 6 years. We were colleagues (I was his boss) and then friends; very rapidly we became 'share-anything-near-inseparable' best friends. Then one day he kissed me and that was it. I hadn't realised I loved him so much and then it was just obvious. It was like opening a door in a long nightmare and realising you're at home at last.
It's amazing. We finish each other's sentences, love the same music, share a love of books and film, have the same profession, can't keep our hands off each other, laugh at the same things, and the sex is fantastic - out of this world. We can be together 24/7 (we frequently are) and never tire of each other; the days we are apart I ache for him and we text literally hundreds of times, talk for an hour, and rush to get to each other the next day. I've never felt so loved or in love: I am the luckiest woman in the world to find this at 53. He has - a week ago - asked me to marry him.
So far so smug. Here's the problem. No, it's not that we are married to other people.
It's this: he's 27. Three years older than my oldest child. I'm older than his mum. His friends, some of them, know and we get on really well. To be honest I look a lot younger, and most of them think I'm in my late 30s. But I'm not. I was a graduate professional with a house and a mortgage and a Mercedes - and married - before he was even born.
If I was a rich 53 year old bloke with a hot 27 year old girl it'd be a bit iffy (imho) but acceptable and most men at least would secretly be congratulating me. But I'm not, and it isn't.
I had to tell some close colleagues because as soon as this happened I didn't want to line manage him any more. They raised eyebrows but not a lot else; two of them actually said they'd never known two people better suited or happier together, and the other said she'd wondered when we'd realise we should be together. What I can't imagine is telling my sons (24 down to 19) that I'm in a relationship with someone pretty much their age, and half mine.
For a long time it was, as a result, a bit like an illicit affair, which made me wonder if it was "real". However, at the moment (since October when my youngest went to university) we are seeing each other all the time - we are in effect living together. And this is love and I want to share it. I want to live with him, do everything with him - and I want the world to know we love each other. It hurts him that I've kept it hidden. I'm not ashamed of him (why would I be? I have a gorgeous, six foot two, rugby playing, clever man who could have any girl he wanted and he chose middle aged me!) and he's proud of me (he says I'm beautiful, accomplished, clever, funny, and kind, not to mention good in bed, and his friends envy him. On a good day I believe him). My children (all boys) know him; they really like him a lot. But that's as my friend. They don't know about "us".
I know all the practical stuff. I'll die first. He might have to look after me (though my mum is fit as a fiddle at 89, and still very attractive; his dad at my age is an old man). I know one day he might meet someone else (but so could anyone). My body's not 27. We can't have kids. He wants to party more than I do. We've experienced it all, loads of times. We don't care - we want each other. I've been married before and he's had a very ltr, and the differences between us are far less than in those relationships. (Fwiw, we were in these relationships when we met and until they ended, mine first and his a few weeks later, two and a half years ago.)
We are, for want of a less cliched phrase, soul mates. He doesn't want anyone else. He loves my body (god knows why) and has made me love it too. He doesn't want a family (which is why he ended his previous ltr - she did) - his own childhood was very traumatic. I party with him sometimes but he can go off and have nights out - he comes back wanting me more, and I have my own interests and friends. It's fine. I don't need advice on whether this is right - it is.
What I want is advice on something far trickier. How do I (can I?) tell my family?