asking for things back

[smorticus]

Argh i'm in a bit of a pickle!
Long story short, I lent my friends daughter (lets call her A) all my daughters nursery bedding. Cot duvet, blanket, bumper thingy, nappy storage, cot storage, light shade and mobile. I made it very clear that i was only lending them as the line has since been discontinued and i planned to use them again.
Now A's child is nearly 3 and she is now expecting baby number 2. No mention of my items has been made in the time between.
Me and DP have decided now is the right time for us to ttc and well i would really like the stuff back.
My friend has since told me that A sold all her baby stuff (pram, bouncer, car seat etc) so has to buy all new. This has got me really anxious that she has chucked my stuff too.
How can I politely ask for it back? And what the hell do I do if it has all gone?
I don't want to cause arguments and i can also appreciate its not great timing with her being pregnant again but it is really stressing me out.

I can't see a way of asking for it without telling her you are ttc, are you ok with that?

Yeah, that isn't much of an issue. People have guessed it must be on the agenda as we have mentioned moving to a bigger house etc.

As you say ... Argh!

Do you see each other enough to steer the conversation round during a playdate/coffee/something like that?

See that is another problem, A has since moved away from the area but her mum (my friend) still lives local. She is a bit of an odd one though so I don't know how to bring the subject up.

Could you not ask your friend to find out?

Ah. Mind you what have you got to lose? Steer the conversation round to babies and casually drop it in!

Mouldy i'm such a wuss! I have tried quite a few times but haven't got the guts. I think i'm worried that if i ask and it turns out she has got rid of it that i will a) get really angry and throw a hissy fit or b) cry!

Whenever I'm asking for my stuff back I say somebody else wants to borrow it. Could you do that?

I could but to be honest I'd rather not lie.
It's probably really selfish of me but I want them back because I just do and I'm now concerned that I might not even get them back.

Can you just say you know she's done a big clear-out on baby stuff, so it'd be a good time for you to have yours back?

You just have to say I'm ready to have my things back please. But I've heard a few sorry tales about people lending things long term. It never works and there always seems to be misunderstandings on both sides as to what is expected.

I'd just send her a text along the lines of 'Hi X, hope the pregnancy is going well. I've been meaning to ask for ages but please could I have the nursery bits I lent you back now? Might need them on the nearish future - shh ;) Smorticus xx'

I'm just going to have to do it aren't i?!
Right who do I message, my friend or the daughter? Do I enquire that they still have the items first or just ask for them back straight up?

Text message is a great idea. Don't ask if they still have them. Just assume they do. Text daughter and then mention it to friend that you sent a text. Hope you get your stuff back.

YY^ Text the daughter and don't ask.

Can't see the problem here, just ask for your stuff back FGS. If she isn't a close enough friend that you can do that or she has got rid of them, why did you lend her the stuff in the first place? You can't be precious about them having lent them to a stranger!

She isn't a stranger she is a close friends daughter who I have known for years. I feel uncomfortable asking as she is pregnant again and it's bad timing on my part.
Anyway have sent a message so now just have to wait for a reply.

Ooh marking place :)

Can I ask what you ended up writing?