In a dilemma about holidays and don't know what to do? Wwyd?

[cleoowen]

Been invited to a wedding in the states in aug. it's one of dh friends who he went travelling with back in the day . There are two girls who live out there and dh best friend who now lives over there. They have kept in touch on and off over the 10 years and we have been over twice in that time and the two girls have been here especially for our wedding three years ago and dh significant birthday five or more years ago. So in lots of ways feel we should go as they have gone to the effort to come to important events of ours. Plus, I know it will be fun( it was last time we went as they introduced us to their friends which led to lots of fun meals and drinks out, walks and trips to the beach ) however dh is not actually bothered by going and says would rather have a family holiday.

However , now we have a ds who will be 18 mo so it's a different sort of holiday. Not sure how he would fit into meals/ drinks out! It would be our first trip abroad with him and although he is a good boy I am worried a 11 hour flight for our first trip is pushing it and would affect his sleep when we got there which would make a rubbish holiday when we ve spent all that money.

To add to the dilemma my sister, bil and dn and dn live just a couple of hours away so really want to see them and feel guilty as not been out there for several years and they always come over to uk.

We were planning to include la , Santa Barbara and San diago in the trip so it would be lovely but we are lucky enough to have visited both la and sabra barbara before and both have the view that with the money we have to spend on this holiday, the first in three years , we would much rather go elsewhere than the us . But then again I know it would be a fun and lovely holiday which we are unlikely to be able to afford for a while .
It's a lot of money just for the flight and it's more expensive than booking a lovely weeks holiday in a villa in Europe which would be a lovely, easy first holiday with a short flight.

We've considered dh going alone but cannot afford to do both so cannot make our minds up.

Your whole post is talking yourself out of it.

You don't have to accept invitations, and if it isn't the right time for you to do this now you are a family you can just decline gracefully. I don't think people automatically expect people to accept transatlantic invitations, and once you have a child, many things change. Your budget, practicalities, family ties, everything.

Only go if you can be reasonably sure to enjoy it.
I go every 4 yrs but the jet lag with a child about 18m old is pretty awful. Not to be lightly entertained.

I think any holiday with a child will be different from the ones you went to as a couple. Children are conservative and will be interested in a change of scenery when they are generally much older. I personally would go and would prepare to lower my expectations party-wise but would enjoy however it will turn out to be.

Yes have taken myself out abit. Think it's because I cannot decide what I want apart from a family holiday. I have some guilt if we don't go because of my sister and suppose feel we should go.

Would you consider going without your DS? Could he be left with grandparents for example and you & your DH go to the wedding without having to worry about a jet-lagged toddler?

No, it's our first family holiday and really looking forwards to having it with ds, especially as he's just learning to walk so can do lots of fun things with him.

Guess need to work out which holiday we would have a better time at . Really wanted lovely villa holiday with dh and ds in Europe but then because it will be a different sort of holiday won't be too much fun in the evenings once he's gone to bed and unable to go out and just each other to chat to. Whereas in us will have others to chat to in evenings as probably share house with dh friend for wedding part , stay with sister for next bit and then go down to san diago.

It's just the cost and the flight and wondering how relaxing it would be when we get there. If I am spending that sort of money it's needs to be fab and feel maybe we re spending all that money on a holiday wouldn't consider if it wasn't for this wedding.

In that case I would bite the bullet & go. It will be fun. You can do a villa another year and you have a few years left before he starts school, so you could take advantage of term-time reductions.

Unfortunately, wedding is in aug so unable to take advantage of term time prices. Again, could prob get cheaper flight another year. Also thought could do whole Disney world thing in couple of years time too and he'd be old enough for it to be fab holiday whereas now he's too young.

Why don't you have a week to yourselves when in California? Week with friends, week with family, then a week by yourselves for your family holiday. You could still get a nice villa or apartment near a beach, which is what you were hoping for out of the Europe trip?