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Stay with MIL to save money or move back into our own house?

36 replies

BatCrapCrazy · 14/02/2014 12:17

DP and I own two properties which we rent out. Property A is a beautiful 4 bed house, not a 2 minute walk from DCs school and a 5 minute drive away from the school that I work in. Property B is a 2 bed house in the welsh valleys.
We live with MIL and are saving to buy another house (to live in). We had intended on staying another 6 months, a year at max. Thing is, DP has just lost his job and has gone self employed. He has plenty of work on and we are actually better off with him working for himself. But we are aware that mortgage lenders need a minimum of 2 years statements of earnings.
We have two DC age 2 and 3 and we need our own space desperately. There is a lot of building work going on here and it's not safe for the DC. I've just come home from work and FIL has decided to knock a wall down so there are blocks and rubble EVERYWHERE.
Should we stick it out and think of the money or give our tenant in property A her notice and love in there? then we could save for another buy to let and buy in a couple of years.
MIL charges us 410 a month rent here. Our mortgage on property A is 320 so with additional bills, we would only be paying out a couple of hundred more a month.

Would love your opinions on this.

OP posts:
BatCrapCrazy · 17/02/2014 21:57

He won't even consider moving out. He says it's too much of a risk with him only now going self employed. But I know it's because of the money. I can't speak to him anymore so I'm sleeping with the kids. I need to make him see sense.

OP posts:
horsetowater · 18/02/2014 00:49

You're right to be firm with him. Stick to your guns and take control of the situation for the sake of your sanity and your children's wellbeing.

BatCrapCrazy · 18/02/2014 06:39

I know, he's very stubborn though. I keep getting my hopes up that he's going to say yes. I've already pictured in my head how I'm going to do the kids rooms etc.

OP posts:
horsetowater · 18/02/2014 10:46

Have you tried doing the costings on paper to show a five year plan so he can see how much you would gain/lose on the move? If he's money minded it might make more sense to him.

Then you can say for £xx,000 our children can have x, x, and x in terms of improvement in lifestyle.

BatCrapCrazy · 18/02/2014 14:38

No i didn't think of doing that. I have today noted down our outgoings etc to make the point that we won't be spending an awful lot more money than we do now. I shall put it in front of him tonight.

OP posts:
BatCrapCrazy · 18/02/2014 21:28

He's still having none of it. I'm in bed crying. I really don't know what to do. The thought of staying here makes me feel sick

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 18/02/2014 21:44

I'd be tempted to tell him that if he wants to stay with mummy and daddy, he can. You and the kids are moving back to your own house where your lives will no longer be hell. You will either see him there, or not. Is he really just ignoring you crying?

BatCrapCrazy · 18/02/2014 21:53

Yeah he's just gone downstairs. I've text him asking Him to come back but he's ignoring my texts. He doesn't see what is so bad about living here. He says the kids love it (they do - they get away with murder that's why). He says we can't afford to move out (a load of bollocks) and he says I'll thank him in the long run (I won't).
I'm a learning support officer and the thought of not working for 7 weeks during the summer and being here all day everyday makes me want to puke. I really struggle with DDs behaviour so taking the DC out for the day alone isn't an option during the holidays. I don't know what to do

OP posts:
zipzap · 18/02/2014 22:27

I think he's thinking more of his parents. From what you said, they need you there to pay them rent in order to pay their bills and eat... He can see his mum panic-ing about what they are going to do if you move out and doesn't want to have to deal with that stress.

He also doesn't have to spend a summer holiday (and easter holiday and half terms...?) there, day in, day out, having to be hyper vigilant while the kids are playing in effectively a dangerous building site where the other adults around don't think of them or the consequences of their actions. It's one thing for a grandad to slip an extra couple of sweeties to their dgc or let them run riot when they only see them occasionally - but completely different when they are all living together for the foreseeable future.

You do have all the income from the other two properties - you wouldn't just have to rely on your dh's wage to get your mortgage. And you could cut back mortgage payments again if you needed to, even just in the short term to live safely - far more important than paying off the mortgage when you have little kids! Have you looked around in the area that property A is in - sounds like an ideal area for you - is there anything you could afford there? Even if it is a bit smaller than you'd want as your house but one that you could move to for now and then swap with property A later on so that the tenant has a bit longer in there if you feel guilty about moving her out too quickly?

If you do the figures for that option too - and then show that moving into property A is better. Thus you'll have discarded one option and it should make property A a more appealing option.

I would also find out why he thinks that he gets to be the one that makes the 'final decision' about not moving out. You've tried living with his parents, it's not working. Mirror his language and if he says that he is not prepared to consider moving out, then say that you are not prepared to consider staying with your PIL as an option. You have come up with a suggestion that he has shot down (living in property A). So make him come up with a suggestion of where you could live and how the finance would work. Make sure he leaves the fact that his parents need your money out of it - the fact you have been there this long has been a bonus. Would they have bought the house and expected you to come and live with them if you were happily settled and had your own house (is property A your house that you've moved out of in order to live with them?) if your job wasn't at risk - do you think (whether you knew it at the time or not - hindsight can be a great thing!) that they bought their house because they had agreed with dh that you would all move in? (I have a friend whose PIL moved in for 'a few weeks' after selling their house whilst they were looking for somewhere to buy. Months later they were still there. She was getting more and more desperate to get them out, turned out the dh had let them contribute a great chunk to the mortgage so they owned a chunk of the house and it had been their plan all along so they could live together, they just knew that if they told the friend that the dh wanted her and their dc to live with his parents she'd tell him no way - so they engineered it by stealth).

It's very telling that your dh is down with his parents - even if they are in a new house, as they are there it is still his 'home'. For you, it is a nightmare of a building site where you don't feel safe or welcome or even at home. And you are alone - he is with his parents. Which I think shows which side he is one - sorry.

horsetowater · 19/02/2014 01:09

Wait, don't panic, he's being an idiot but most men are when it comes to these things. Wait a few days and he might just tell you he's got a great idea, let's move to House A!

What I'm saying is, give it time. A few days anyway. He's being an idiot, tell him that from me. Don't cry. It'll pass.

Monty27 · 19/02/2014 01:14

Wouldn't you get another mortgage based on the equity you have already built up?

Don't cry, get your own space. :)

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