Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DSD getting groped at school

17 replies

MoreSpudsPlease · 10/02/2014 15:45

She's 13. Some boys (part of the 'in' crowd) regularly grab the girls, slap their bums, try to grab their boobs etc. Apparently the girls used to say something and fight back but have now given up and just roll their eyes. I was Shock. I'm bloody furious that the boys get away with such behaviour but mostly sad for DSD that she feels so powerless to do anything and believes that this is 'just what boys do'. She doesn't want her dad to tell the school in case it comes back to her; she's too embarrassed (and she's no wall-flower).

As her step mother, there is nothing I can do directly, but what can I do to help her self-confidence, to make her realise just how wrong and inappropriate the boys behaviour is, and for her to feel empowered and supported to stand up for herself without embarrassment? Of course all she cares about is maintaining her status as part of the popular crowd. Sad

OP posts:
Dromedary · 10/02/2014 22:14

Nasty. Have you asked her whether it escalates to nastier things as they get older - that would worry me. I think I'd encourage Dad to talk to the school even if she doesn't want him to. Any way you could get together with other girls' parents and go to the school?

Elderberri · 10/02/2014 22:24

Your daughter is being sexually assaulted.

This is not at you op.....Ffs why do people put up with this shit because they bloody idol worship school. Children do not have to go through this or stand up to bullies.

Some of the bullying threads have really depressed me tonight.

TamerB · 10/02/2014 22:30

I agree- this is sexual assault, raise merry hell! It is totally unacceptable and must be dealt with.

HeeHiles · 10/02/2014 22:35

I think your DH needs to talk to the Head and demand something is done - or perhaps a few parents of the girls could all go together so that you DSD isn't singled out. Tell the Head if this doesn't stop all the parents will go to the police about the Sexual Assaults happening in the school

So sorry to hear your poor DSD is having to deal with this.

Madratlady · 10/02/2014 22:47

There was a boy who did this to me when I was at school, as a 'joke' in front of his mates because they considered me unattractive (I'm not hideous just wasn't 'cool'). It stopped after I slapped him very hard on the face. Possibly not the best way to deal with it and done I a moment of anger but it worked.

Aussiemum78 · 11/02/2014 10:54

I would approach the school and police about dealing with this , then insist they educate the boys about sexual assault, abuse and even domestic violence. They need to know where this behaviour and lack of respect ends up.

Horrible that girls already feel powerless at a young age.

tb · 11/02/2014 18:25

I'm afraid I'd go to the police.

This isn't a silly kids game at 5 or 6, and 13 years old can be pretty big and intimidating.

TamerB · 11/02/2014 19:36

I would go to school first and ask them how they were dealing with it and if they are not going to, I would tell them that I would go to the police.

TamerB · 11/02/2014 19:37

It is a very serious matter and not to be brushed off.

LeBFG · 11/02/2014 19:47

100% with Elderberri. I know the best way is to stand up for yourself but WHY the hell should this be allowed to happen? We don't accept it in the workplace. We don't accept is at all as adults. So why do we accept it for children? It's this sort of thinking which put an end to child beatings ('beat the sense into them, do them good' sort of reasoning). It's time sexual harassment at school got this sort of treatment too. Schools are ideal environments to instill rules/punishment structures to educate people (boys in the main) how to behave in society. I would push for DH to approach the school in your shoes actually OP. Dealing with groups of boys as one lone person is pretty much impossible - she risks becoming a target it she 'resists'. These things can also take a grip and quickly get out of hand. Schools can easily stamp on other things they see as important (uniform, happy slapping etc) so why not this?

Original poster
MoreSpudsPlease · 11/02/2014 21:18

Thanks for all your thoughts on this. DH does want to go to the school about this, but i think I'll suggest he speaks to her friends mums first. DSD now back at her mums, so will need to wait till she's back here again to get the full details. I hope the moment hasn't passed.

I'm so appalled by this, it's a naice school that supposedly is totally on the case when it comes to teenage welfare.

DSD comes across as not being particularly bothered about it, although she is clearly wanting a verdict as she wouldn't have said anything (normally have to prise conversation out if her, although there is the occasional torrent of garbled teenage gossip).

OP posts:
TamerB · 11/02/2014 22:23

The boys would be in severe trouble if they did it on the street, in the supermarket, to a teacher etc - they don't because they know it is unacceptable, so I fail to see why they think they can do it at school to other pupils.

Sharaluck · 14/02/2014 00:56

Very bad.

The school should be coming down on this behaviour. Zero tolerance. Definitely go to headteacher and then further if nothing is done.

thenumberseven · 07/03/2014 01:11

Aussiemum
«Horrible that girls already feel powerless at a young age»
Exactly.
At age 12 in a very small aussie town I went to the outside loo at the pub with my sister and a friend. When we returned three boys of about 15 or 16
were blocking the entrance and one kneaded my breasts. Can you believe that when my shocked friend commented on it I denied it had happened?
As if I'd done something wrong. I'm now almost 57, certainly no prude and yet the incident makes me sick to the stomach and have not forgotten it.
And, you know it's of course not that he touched my (budding) breasts, it's the feeling of helpnessnes, of being vulnerable and at someone's mercy
Not a good feeling

Chicanana · 11/03/2014 20:29

Are there other girls that feel the same? Could you help her start a feminist society at her school, so that the voice against this is stronger? I know this can be difficult (see www.theguardian.com/education/mortarboard/2013/jun/20/why-i-started-a-feminist-society) but this behaviour is NOT acceptable.

Sorry if this comment isn't along the right lines, first time I've posted on here and I've had a bit of wine :-)

oddsocksmostly · 21/03/2014 19:42

Hi OP. This happened to some of my DD's peers at school. I made an appointment and spoke to the deputy head as I felt very strongly. My DD doesn't know I went. The dep head took it very seriously, but I wasn't in a position to be able to give names so I think they were going to address it through PSHE.
It is wrong on so many levels.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 22/03/2014 10:02

Sounds like they need someone in that school to give the boys a lecture of what is NOT ok.

And for someone to tell the girls they dont have to accept that kind of treatment.

Start telling them this at a young age will benefit both sexes when adults.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread