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Partner stole from my family

9 replies

Keekee77 · 25/01/2014 16:01

I'm in need of people's opinions here as I'm finding making a decision on what to do very difficult.
I'm divorced and had 2 children from my previous marriage. The marriage broke down in 2006 and it was a horrible time for all involved.
In 2008 I got together with a long term friend I'd known since I was 18 and found it easy to fall into a relationship with him as he knew everything about my children and situation.
I fell deeply in love with him and in 2010 we had our own child, which means I now have 3 children.
He is a great father to all three children and treats them all well and they are all very much attached to him.
He's never had a lot of money and never really been a hard worker but I've known this from day one and he also brought with him a number of debts, which I assumed he was managing.
In 2013 my step father sadly passed away leaving my mother distraught and with a business to run which she felt she was incapable of doing. At the time my partner was out of work so he offered to run the business whilst my mum got back on her feet.
Anyway to cut a long story short after finding his bank statements I realised that he'd been taking money from the business (even though he was getting a good wage, had his own hrs and had all petrol paid for). He initially said it was £100, then £3000 and then when I looked through statements it seemed there was £5700 going through. He said he'd taken the money to pay debts and he's bought a few commodities that he intended selling. He sold one commodity and I lent him £3700, so the money had been repaid in full and I told him he had to quit the job. This was my mum would be none the wiser and no money was taken. I told him to move out of the house and give me space to see what I wanted to do about our relationship.
My mother then confronted me and him and said there was £30000 missing! At this point I obviously told her everything and he denied taking more than £10000 and there must be a mistake!
She has told him to repay £15000 back which he is slowly doing as well as paying me back slowly for the money he took off me to pay her back.
He lived out of the home for three months and I have to be honest I found it hard work. I have three active children and I work and money was tight.
Apart from money issues he is (or seems to be) an amazing family man. He now has a job where he works long hrs but is earning good money and is truly remorseful of what he's done.
I don't feel the same about him at all and I don't trust what he says or does. But I don't want to go through a split again and I don't want my children to suffer at all either.
I'm also aware that it is not the first time he's lied to me about things....but I never thought he'd stoop so low.
I don't know what to do....I feel like it's on my head if I ask him to leave. All my mother keeps saying is that there are worse men out there but surely there must be better too!??

OP posts:
HoratiaDrelincourt · 25/01/2014 16:17

He's lazy and he steals? His other qualities must be outstanding because I couldn't get past that. Sad

clam · 25/01/2014 16:34

He's STOLEN from you (and your mother) and LIED to you. What possible way forward is there for a relationship with such a man?

AnnoyingOrange · 25/01/2014 16:43

He took £30 k in a matter of months. What the hell did he do with it?

He must have a serious problem

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captainmummy · 25/01/2014 16:51

So he's lazy, he is a thief, and you don;t even feel much for him any more, but you want to stay in a 'relationship' with him because it would be easier for you, than being alone with 3 dc?

You don't want to 'go through a spilt again' and dont want the dc to 'suffer' - how will they suffer? He is a terrible role model for them. He can still be a father to them, if he wants, but you should not get back together with him 'for the dc', or because it;'s easier. OR becuase there are 'worse ' men out there!

WeAreEternal · 25/01/2014 16:52

I love my DP, we got married in our teens and have been together for nearly two decades. He is my world, I couldn't imagine my life without him.

That being said if he stole from my family and lied to me like your DP has there would no future for us.

It's not as if he stole a few hundred on one occasion for an emergancy with intention to pay it back, he stole thirty thousand pounds in less than a year, with what seems no intentions of paying it back and he would probably have continued to steal if he hadn't been caught.

You say he is remorseful, but is it genuine remorse for what he did, or for getting caught and the fall out that it caused?

I strongly believe that relationships are nothing without trust and honesty, and in your position I don't think I could ever rebuild those things.
There are much worse things than splitting up and being a single parent, one if those things is being with someone that you can't trust and have no faith in.

expatinscotland · 25/01/2014 16:55

If I were your mother, I'd have pressed charges on him so my fool daughter couldn't back with him because his ass was in jail.

Jux · 25/01/2014 17:20

It won't be on your head, though, will it? You didn't steal and lie, did you? He did. It's all on his head. All his own work. He's damn lucky he's not in jail, but he should be.

HoratiaDrelincourt · 25/01/2014 17:31

It's been shown that children are 100% resilient to parental divorce/separation. If harm is caused, it's the arguments or bad feeling or bad example, not the split.

mercibucket · 25/01/2014 18:01

so where did the money go?

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