Husband has a secret twitter and adultwork account

[LouizA1980]

Hi, this is my first post on here but i desperately need the views of some other mums as i don't feel able to discuss this with friends/family.
It all started when my sister said i should sign up to twitter! Well i did and on searching for members with my family name,out of curiosity,i discovered that my husband had an account were he was following a lot of attractive women, some standard from TV but there were numerous porn stars and other women associated with chat TV channels. When i initially asked him about twitter he denied having an account and played dumb. By the time i confronted him about it he'd already deleted some of the women he was following and said how sorry he was for lying etc. I was obviously upset and felt like my confidence had taken a battering. Having had a baby 9 months ago i am feeling quite low about the way i look and my bust has always been small- the women he was following all had large breasts! Anyway, i thought that was the end of it but i felt that he was holding back about something so i did something that i have never done before and looked at his phone. I discovered that he had an account on adultwork! When i confronted him he was horrified and again was extremely apogetic about the upset he had caused me. He had been viewing women on the site and paying to view there pictures and videos. He claims that he never contacted any of the women as the thought of sleeping with an escort sickened him?! He said there was just something about the whole thing that turned him on! I forced him to log in to the account but he had already deleted lots of info but 2 things that really bothered me was that he was looking at women in our local area and had called himself a different name- why? He was buying credit for the site via his mobile phone to prevent me from seeing anything on our statements.I also discovered that he has been viewing pictures of some TV stars/ celebs in a state of undress at certain times of the day- suggesting he is only looking for one reason!
I am really struggling to get this out of my head and move on. There is part of me that feels like i've never known who he really is. I've always trusted him and now i don't no if i can ever fully trust him again. We have 2 young children so i desperately want to try and work it out and move on. I just feel so low. I was only just on the mend having suffered from PND after the birth of our 9 month old and this has really knocked me down again. Your views/ opinions are very welcome- positive or negative! I just don't no what to do! Thanks in advance

Rob1969 - what a twat you are. If you think the kids are so important, then why go on adult work and be unfaithful to your DW?! Why on earth should she put your needs above theirs? More fool you.

Using Adultwork is not a symptom of something lacking in the marriage; it's a symptom of being an unfaithful loser.

If you have a baby and you're tired, the last thing you want to do is have time together and watch some porn - wtf?! Shows your lack of understanding of relationships.

Rob1969 your wife sounds like an intelligent woman. You, however....

Rob1969 I actually found your response more positive and informative than just the tendency of some others to perhaps jump to conclusions and slag off something without being fully informed. However I would be genuinely interested in a male perspective of my situation......my husband has used adult work for I would say at least 7 years (he doesnt know I know it was only because I file our bank statements). I would say we have a happy marriage though rarely have sex. I have no issue with him using porn. Views?

"More fool him for being such a Fucking Loser."

stupid woman

First let me say for clarity's sake: I am a man and widowed after 40 years marriage. Reading through this thread I wanted to make a couple of observations from a male perspective although I don't pretend to represent the category "men". There seems to be an underlying assumption that the man in question here must be in the wrong. That may be the case but no-one seems to have considered the possibility that reading only one side of the argument - and that from someone who probably reasonably feels resent and anger - will allow the readers to make a pronouncement on the rights and wrongs of this issue from the safety of their remote moral highground. Speaking for myself, I was married for a great many years to a woman I dearly loved but who found it impossible to talk of her emotions and feelings at any deep level and who, for long periods and generally, found sex less than exciting...even though, when we were students, she was healthily enthusiastic. I am sure that the difficulties stemmed from childhood issues. My points here are three. First, the agony aunts' eternal, glib and facile advice that "talking about it" or counselling will help may be impossible without both parties agreeing no matter how prepared one party is to engage in it. Second, a long long and contented marriage can be achieved even when intimacy is less than one party would like. Third, (which is a question) what does one do when sexual wishes and desires are ruled out by one partner? I am sure those here who jump to those dogmatic condemnations of "guilty" parties will have a ready and superficial answer. Finally, don't think all those escorts are exploited East Europeans preyed on by unfeeling clients or women forced into it against their will be circumstance. Very many are the women you know and may even be related to who, for longer or shorter periods, use their sexual and personal skills and attractions to earn part or all of their living. Don't talk to me of bodies being exploited...my male relatives all worked in the pits where their bodies were exploited pretty mercilessly and they suffered accidents, debilitating illness and family disruption. There seems to me to be no moral inferiority in a woman (or, indeed, a male or a transgender individual) exploiting their own sexuality compared to the commercial exploitation of male strength in dangerous industries. Lifestyle and ethical questions aren't as simple as many of you would wish them to be. If an adult woman wishes to engage in escorting, does so of her own free will and does so discretely, that is her private business. You may not like it, but that is a free society for you.

He looked at the sites in secret because he knew how you would feel if you knew about it. He deleted them probably in a panic reaction to try to minimise the fall out. Your reaction to finding it is totally understandable and right. He could have looked out of curiosity at local girls and not met them. But there is a chance he did do more or may in the future.
He is still the same man who I'm sure loves you and your kids very much. He however has a fantasy that goes further than most people's norms. That fantasy will always be there. Your decision is whether you can live with it. He may stop perusing it but the urge won't go away. You have a difficult time ahead deciding what you can feel comfortable with. Only you can decide. What one person feels is acceptable another won't.

What a peculiar thread. It's like a slow building troll-magnet. I wonder what other great insights the 13 year olds men it attracts will offer.

Aniceguy - if ever a username didn't match the poster it is this one.

This thread should enter classics, showing samples of Men to avoid.

It really should.

Normal men don't visit prostitutes and understand their basic biology (i.e. That testicles don't go "pop" if sex is not forthcoming) and that women also have sex drives, all of which vary by the individual and not gender.

Oh god! I've just written a sensible reply! What was I thinking?!

Of course I meant to say "won't somebody please think of the sperm?"

Nice Guy definition. I think the name is apt

Nah :o too goady. You should have gone for a bit more subtlety.

Hear that pop? That was one of my ovaries exploding from lack of action.

Who is abusing who?

i would say that you are someone who no one should ever be in a relationship with. Ideally you will be honest with any future partner. I assume you suffered some kind of horrific injury that made you incapable of either talking through your issues, or masturbating.

for you, that must have been just awful.

HowD, I'm currently abusing myself by posting any kind of serious response.

I agree with you and the same goes for the rest of us responding to the "injured" sack and soul.

What none of you have even attempted to mention is the fact that you don't understand your husbands needs and desires and you have not created a safe, non-aggressive environment for him to be himself. He is seeking excitement elsewhere. doesn't mean he is actually cheating on you. be more open with him about your own desires and he will open up.

Zombie thread ...

Boys will be boys, let them get on with it. If you try stop them they will only do it on the side and hide it. Like my husband, I'd rather know what he's up to and have everything transparent, cause him and all his mates are on it and half the world. So I think it's better to just have it all out in the open. I don't personally have a problem with the site in fact. It's no different from porn, which i think is ok. Him meeting escorts, I don't have a problem with as long as he's open with me and wears protection and no kissing or anything.

Haha, yes right, 'Lisa'.

Hi. I am a sp on aw. To me, if he's looking at nearby escorts, it's because he wants to meet them. As you are aware, it doesn't matter where the osp is camming from. I hope you are OK xx