Grandparents access dilemma

[ursula2468]

I am a single parent and although I no longer speak to my child's father, he still sees his child (albeit a few times a year) as all contact goes through his mother. He is now married with more children and my child identifies them as siblings.

My child is 8 and until recently had a long standing relationship with their paternal great grandparents. However my ex has fallen out with them in a big way about how he feels they favour my child over his other children. My child was being taken to see their great grandparents regularly, but this has now stopped. My child desperately missed them so I managed to obtain their telephone number and they've now spoken a few times.

I then arranged to meet up with the great grandparents for a couple of hours with my child as I didn't think their argument warranted punishing my child by not allowing contact.

The problem is that now my child's father has found out (through my child who innocently mentioned it) and he's rung his grandparents up and told them they're banned from seeing all his children including my child.

Is this his decision?

How do I move on from here?

I know my child will be heartbroken not to see them again, but I would hate for them to get caught up in this awful situation.

Its not his decision at all. You get to take your child to visit whoever you want. He doesnt own your son or his grandparents. Their relationship is nothing to do with him.

Thank you! I was feeling a little bit stressed earlier and started to doubt myself.

Well, while I agree that it's your choice as well, there was a pretty valid reason for him stopping them from seeing your DS.

You've been told that your DS is being favoured over his other children. He told his parents that wasn't okay and stopped them from seeing ALL his children until they stopped the favouritism.

You have taken the favourite GC back to the GP. This could 'cause a problem between your DS and his father, as well as jealousy with the siblings. After all, your child is, "the problem" really. Your child is the favourite, the spoiled one, the one treated better than the others and you taking them back tells your ex and his other children that the behaviour of the GP is okay and your DS is "special" and deserves better treatment

So no. I think your DS, while missing the GP (do you wonder why if he's getting special treatment?), was stopped visiting the GP for the well being of your ex's entire family, not to punish your DS or his GC but to make a point that all children should be treated equally. You COULD band together with your ex in agreeing that all children should be treated equally, but that depends on your relationship with him and how you want his relationship with your child and his children to be.

Sorry but your ex is in the right here. He's trying to protect ALL his children. Do you really want your DS associating with people who think that treating one child, one sibling, better than the others is okay?

I suggest sitting down with your ex and his parents (or each separately) and discussing the situation and what happened and how the GP are treating your DS differently. If you think he's overreacting then tell him that and make your decision accordingly. But remember your DS DOES have siblings and you don't want them feeling resentful towards him.

But why on earth should your dc miss out on a relationship with these people? Presumably your ex sees the other dc more often than just "a few times a year" - why should your dc miss out on what is obviously a loving relationship?

First of all the OP did not say she whether she has a son or a daughter, most likely on purpose. Second of all,these are the DC's great grandparents, right, not grandparents?

I think that unless the favoritism is really overt you are totally right to bring your DC to see his GGPs and frankly your ex sounds like a controlling bully. Reading between the lines, it sounds as though the ex is upset that his grandparents do not favor his "real family."