My mom

[Mamagoose01]

I'll try an keep this short as it's a long story.

Abt 6 weeks ago my mom said she would be getting a rescue dog, she lives alone as we lost my dad 7 years ago, I explained that this was a great idea but when she had DS of an afternoon an our Sunday visit I would like the dog in a cage to keep DS safe, he's 20 months an never rally been around dogs. Her response was we'll see.

A month ago she got the dog, a one year old terrier cross known to jump bite nip bark claw an scratch. I again reinforced before a Sunday visit, if the dog was known to be like this I an DH would want the dog in a cage for DS safety, she said ok. Assuming this we visited with a present for the dog lol.

But when we got there she had him on a lead but out, he jumped, clawed, barked, escaped my moms hold an peed on the floor. DS Was scared an crying, but not hurt by the dog at all, we asked her to put the dog in the cage, she refused so we left. It was a horrible visit an didn't go well.

The next day me an my mom had an argument, she called us rude as we didn't say much or try to play with the dog. She also said we were lying abt how badly behaved the dog was and because we said we had scratch marks on our legs, (DS was fine). I told her she would not be having DS in the afternoon nor us visiting until she was willing to put the dog in his cage, she said this would not be happening as she didn't want the dog in his cage, I stated she was putting her grandchild's safety second to the dog. She was not happy abt this.

It's now been a month today since we spoke, my mom has missed several appointments of DS an not bothered to call or txt to find out how he's got on. Ive spoken to my nan who is trying to resolve it, she's said my mom is lonely and has slipped over in the garden picking the dogs poos up an her gp has sent her for an MRI (she has a long standing back condition). I explained if she would have been willing to use the cage this would have been sorted on the day.

So do I be the bigger person an call her or do I wait for to get over herself (could never happen) as she blaming this all on me an DH

You sound overly cautious about dogs, imho, although I accept this one may be a handful, but insisting on a cage (did you mean a cage all the time to prevent poo in the garden?!?), including before you even met it, sounds overly controlling.

I only meant for the dog to go in a cage while we were there for a couple of hrs just while the dog was excited to start with an until it calmed down. If it's a dog known to bite this would be sensible around a 20 month old who could get bit while trying to fuss the dog?

It's a tricky one. It does sound extreme to suggest a cage, but when it comes to children's safety (especially at such a young age) most of us can be a bit extreme.

I think compromise is definitely in order. Given your mums loneliness and health worries I would ring her and try and sort things out (I understand how irritating this is when you think she's in the wrong). Perhaps the dog could be in a different room? Not in a cage. Explain your worries to your mum and tell her you are not doing it to be difficult and undermine her dog (ha), just being an over protective mum. Maybe just ask her to humour you as a nervous mum of a young child?! That way you come across as empathetic to her point of view.

The fact you got the dog a present does show you are not totally against the idea anyway.

A solution would be to help your mother with training the dog to behave while you are visiting. Find out about classes nearby, buy her a book

Shutting it away while you're there isn't addressing the problem. The dog will probably whine and bark to be let out

It does sound a bit as if you're being ott regarding a perceived threat to your DS. He needs to learn how to be around dogs too

I firmly believe all dogs should have a crate. Many problems with dogs can be dealt with easily with the use of a crate but many people are against them. The crate needs to big, comfortable and covered over with a sheet, top and three sides so it is the dogs refuge, bed and personal space, not a place of punishment.

It does look as if she is putting the dog before the child here, but it sounds like she sees a crate as punishment. If the dog was in a crate the DC could pet him in a controlled way through the bars (if appropriate/ dog not snappy etc.) and they could get used to each other in more controlled conditions. My three love their crates, they have chewies, wheatibangs and treats only when in their crates. They lie in them with the door open 99% of their 'down time'. I cannot now imagine having a dog without being able to put him/her in a crate. Not everyone that visits likes dogs enough to have them near them. A crate is the answer to so many of these types of problems.

Realised I didn't say what I would do. MMMMm....depends on the relationship with Mum but I would either turn up there with a crate suitable for the pooch, bedding, nice bag of treats, sheet for over the top or get miffed at the putting the dog before the child thing. I've got previous for getting miffed tbh.
For the sake of peace it may be wise to try and change your Mums negativity about crating the dog for the few nano seconds out of it's life that your DC is present. That may be worth a try. I have family members that would be a waste of time with though. Depends on how willing to see another point of view she is I guess?