anyone with any tummy ticklers?? JOKES!!

[babygirl05]

?

A skeleton walks into a bar and says

"I'll have a pint of beer and a mop!"

BOOM BOOM!

Here have a copy of Wayne rooney's appeal against his red card.

F.I.F.A. ? Disciplinary Council

Appeal Case 3521 ? Wayne Rooney (England) Red Card vs Portugal (01/07/06)

Please state below your reason for appeal against the disciplinary action taken against you on the given date:

My Apeel by Wane Roony (age 19).

On Satdy Julie 1st I woz playin footy for Ingland aginst Porchergil in Gelson Gelshi, Jerminy in the Werld Cup Cworter-finals. It woz ded hot an norra lorra chancis had been made by harf time, tho Mr Erriksin sed we woz doin sound like an if we just kept doin wot we?d dun then weed win.

Anyway, the sekind arf started an David Bekkim ad to cum off, so he started cryin cos he?s a big soft suthin tart and he weres his mississ nikkers an evrythin. After about an hour had gon an it woz still nil-nil, I got the ball in midfield like and thees too derty Portchergize gets cum flyin inter me, but the reff never give a fowl (But he woz an Arjinteenian, so wot jer expect?).

I struggild ter get loooose an in the kofushiun I muster akserdently stud on that Carvellios boli cobli testerkils but it woz an akserdint and that?s the gods onnist trooth cros me hart an ope to dye. I didn?t no ide dun it, I swer on me mam?s life! An yer no wot all them forriniz is like, thee start winjin if yer luk at them funny. Anyway, I?v ad werse than that playin for Croccy Comp an I didn start cryin like Coleeen wen the shops is shut. Them Porchegeeze is CHEETERS an a bunch of quegs an all.

Necst thing that Cristyano Ronnaldoe (not the fat Brizilyan feller) ? hoose supposed to be me mate at Man Yernitid, is runnin to the reff an grassin? me up and evrythink. An, of korse, with the reff been an Arjee he just sends me off ? burr I didn cry like that girl Bekkim, I walked off like wot a mans supposed to do and Jayme Carrigers sayin ?don wurry Wane, lad we?ll kik is bleedin leggs off for yer.?

Anyway, thats worr happened and that?s not one word of lie there lad, onist, on me nans grave its troo. Downt believe wot the reff sez cos heez a cheetin Arjee and orl them Porchergeeze is lyars ? and that Ronaldo?s ded lad, I?m teelin yers that fer free. Are kids orlreddy gone down to is owse in wimslow and rote ?GRASS? in ded big lettis on the worls and me owl girl sez if she sees that Ronalodes ma in the Yernitid Players Lownge she?ll birst her.

So if yer take the kard away I?ll be ded grateful and me da will get yis a pint in next time youse is in the Cherry Tree on the Lanks.

Luv

Wane
XXX

Thats a corker harold... lol!!

Sven-Goran Eriksson is on 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' and has reached

the £1 million question. Chris Tarrant says "Right Sven, this is for £1

million, and remember, you still have two lifelines left, so please take

your time "Here's your question:

What type of animal lives in a Set? "Is it. a, a badger b, a ferret c, a

mole or d, a cuckoo?"

Sven ponders for a while and says, "No, I'm sorry Chris, I'm not too sure

I'll have to go 50-50"

"Right, Sven, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left

with -

'Badger' and 'Cuckoo' are the two remaining answers."

Sven has a long think, then scratches his head and says "No, Chris, I'm

still not sure, I'm going to have to phone a friend So who are you going to

call, Sven?" says Chris

"Hmmm, I think I'll call David Beckham."

So Tarrant phones David Beckham "David, this is Chris Tarrant from 'Who

wants to be a Millionaire' I've got Sven-Goran Eriksson here, and with your

help he could win £1 million. The next voice you hear will be Sven'

"Hello David" says Sven. "It's the boss here. What type of animal lives in a

set? Is it a badger or a cuckoo?

"It's a badger, boss." says Becks without hesitation

"You sure, son?" says Sven

"Definitely, boss. One hundred percent. It's a badger Definitely."

Sven, "I'll go with David. The answer's a badger."

"Final answer, Sven ?" says Chris

Sven, "Final answer, Chris"

"That's the correct answer. You've won £1 million!"

Cue wild celebrations!!!!!

Next morning at training, Sven calls Beckham across "Son, that was

brilliant last night. I thought I might be taking a gamble giving you a

call, but you played a blinder! But how the heck did you know that a badger

lives in a set?"

"Oh I didn't, boss..." replies Beckham,

( SCROLL DOWN YOU'LL LIKE THIS)

But everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock!"

PMSL Harold

pmsl!!