young children refusing to see their dad

[starlight752]

I divorced my ex husband four years ago as I found out he was having an affair. He moved from our home in Cornwall to be with the new girlfriend in Yorkshire leaving me to bring up my then 3 year old son and 10 month old daughter. Since he left he has maintained contact with the children by phone calls twice a week and weekend visits every 6 weeks. Things have always been stressful around his visits and the children never look forward to him coming or even ask if they can speak with him. Their dad is not a natural father and finds it very difficult and often gets angry quickly. The children are now 7 and 5 and over the last year have refused to spend weekends with their dad after he has travelled 5 hours to see them. I don't refuse contact but it is now causing the children stress every time he visits I am thinking it would be best to stop access. I would appreciate any thoughts.

I can help you with this a little.

I was speaking to my dc about why they used to refuse contact with their Dad when they were younger. They told me it was because it was not fun, that after he had gone through periods of abandoning them, they wanted him to work for them, which he never did. They simply didn't trust him. I thought to myself, of all the people that accused me of brainwashing the children, that it was due to their loyalty to me and all sorts of things that blamed me for it, never once did anyone think the problem was due to his behaviour.

Thank you for your post, I totally agree with you I think the problem is with the dad. Both myself and the children have had counselling but dad doesn't view there to be a problem just naughty children who should do as they are told. I hate to. See my children inside my distress to the point they hid behind a chair when he visits. I have no control over dads behaviour to change it.

I think you just have to accept you will be blamed, for some reason there seems to a culture of blaming Mum for most things in the UK. Keep communication between you and the dc open, so at least they can sound off to you.