Drugged when younger...

[Sausagewaffle]

I am at a loss here, and in need of some advice, if possible.

When I was around 13-14 my drink was spiked with poppers.
I can remember taking the last drink, and handing my bottle to a friend. I remember nothing after that.
I just have info of what I was told...which wasn't much.
I was found in some toilets by a woman.

An ambulance was called, and if that woman had found me 2 minutes later, I'd of been dead. (some friends i had)
So she saved my life!

11 years has passed now, and with me not remember anything, I am pretty ok with it. Until I talk about it - which I have been today.

What would you do...if you had forgotten what had happened, but knowing something might have?

I haven't forgotten by choice, and it annoys me.
I have snippets of me being in hospital, and I remember the nurses worrying as I couldn't remember going to the toilet, and kept wanting to go, but not remembering where the toilet was - even though I was repeatedly going.

How can I let this go?
I have contemplated ringing the doctors, in hope he has something on his system from when I was in hospital.
I just feel that others know what happened, and they aren't telling me.
I was fine...not thinking about it at all...until I spoke about it today. Now my mind will not rest! This happens whenever I mention it, or something similar is brought up.

Are you worried about what may have happened before you were found? The hospital may still have your records but they might not be able to answer that question.

Who is that you think knows something - if the hospital, you have a right to see anything on your file.

Maybe counselling would help you?

Yes, I am worried about what may have happened before I was found.
My partner says I am probably best of not remembering. I agree, to an extent.

I feel that my friends at that time know something. I often wonder that my parents know something, but feel it's best if I didn't know. Why bring it up, if I don't remember?
I know I would keep it from my daughter, if I knew she couldn't remember.

I just don't know how to bring it up to people. To find out what did happen. If anything. I feel quite silly actually, considering it happened years ago. I don't remember anything, so how and why should it bother me?
Yet it does...hmmm

It's a tricky one - I guess you have to weigh up how you would feel if you did find out that something had happened compared to the way you feel now, wondering about it.

If you already feel that something did happen, it might give you closure to find out what you can. On the other hand it might open up more questions.

Not sure I'm being much help, but there must be other people who have had traumatic experiences that they can't entirely remember going through the same dilemma as you. I will have a quick look on the web.

Have you thought about contacting Rape Crisis? They might be able to help you weigh up whether or not you want to find out, or would rather let it lie.

If you do want to find out more, it might be easier to go to the hospital rather than ask friends/family who may want to protect you.

I don't think you should feel silly for wanting to know what happened - it sounds like an awful experience. I am sure anyone who had been drugged would feel the same way.

Thank you. It is a tough one, and i'm pleased you understand!

You have helped - just by answering, and understanding :)

I haven't thought about contacting them, but I might now.

I am interested to find out how other people have handled similar situations.

Thank you for all of your help Gintonic. Much appreciated!! :) x

Take care sausage.

Hello. I was roofied while working abroad in a holiday resort as a young adult. I hadn't been there long, so didn't have close friends yet. Went out with housemates, was bought a drink by a lone guy at a bar who said he was there on business, next thing I remember is being supported home, then waking up feeling that 'something had happened' but no memory of what.

I just assume the worst, but I'm glad I don't actually know the details to be honest. It is an odd thing to know that it happened without my consent, but tbh, having had encounters while fairly drunk in my youth, I lump it in with those, lack of awareness on my part (not that I blame myself, but sadly I am resigned to a 'these things happen' mentality, as I wouldn't have known where to start with reporting or tracking him down, I just tried never to put myself in such a vulnerable position again).

If you still know the 'friends' who did this that's probably the place to start rather than your parents, but I'm not sure what you'd gain from finding out more at this stage, perhaps think about some counselling to help you let it go?

Thank you :) Your post has helped me see that maybe it is best not knowing.
I think I will try and just let it go, and hopefully never bring it up again. Knowing that it will set my mind off.

I am sorry to hear that you had to go through something similar. I am also sorry if my post has brought things to the surface for you!!

Thanx again Gintonic and Twostep xxx

I dunno, I think maybe you do need to understand what happened a bit better. I think I would need to ask my parents but also be determined to accept that whatever happened was in the past and in most ways it happened to someone else. I wouldn't ask for more info if I wasn't ready to be determined about having that attitude.

Hey sausage, haver you looked into post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) it can hit people years after an event has happened. Your GP can point you in the right direction. Please don't ignore your feelings, especially if something recently has woken up the memory. (sadly talking from experience ) Hope you find the answers your looking for.

I wish I had the same attitude I had when I was younger - when it actually happened.
I wasn't bothered by it in the slightest - I didn't feel it was as serious as I do now.
Which feels odd - if it didn't bother me then, why does it now?
Is it because I am older and see things differently?

I don't think I have PTSD - but then again, would I know?
I don't know what I should do - maybe it would be best not knowing - but then having to live with the not knowing - is it too much for me?
But if I found out, and it wasn't to my liking (not that it could be), would that also be too much for me?

yes, you see it differently now. You weren't mature enough before to appreciate it the way you're now starting to.
Whatever happened doesn't change who you are. Or who you can be.
But you may need to go on a journey to be confident of that.

I would be concerned about dragging this up for your parents. The pain may be too much for them to relive, or at least it needs to be tackled carefully. Even if nothing that bad (that you don't already know about) happened. The worry of it must have been enormous.

Do you have any siblings or other relatives to talk about this with?

Don't try to force yourself to forget it. Letting go would be okay but not suppressing.

I think you are right in not trying to force myself to forget - that would just develop into further problems, wouldn't it?

I do have sisters - but I don't know if they were told anything of it. No other relatives are aware of it.
My sisters are older - they had moved out already - so they may know nothing about it. In which case, I'd rather it stayed that way.

I do have a person on facebook, who was actually there. But, I cannot for the life of me bring myself around the message them. I feel they lied about it all then, and so I feel I would get the same response now.

Hi sausage. Have PM'd thru fear of outing myself!