Gosh, poor you. I sympathise. I am on the spectrum very mildly for bipolar, which I manage by getting enough sleep and lots of exercise. As I have got older it has got better, helped by cutting out sugar and eating lots of omegas and vitamin D supplements. Also I find being in nature and being creative really helpful.
But it's really hard. It's scary, never quite knowing whether it's me that's mad or the rest of the world. And you can never talk about it to anyone because they would never let their children go to your house again. Even the nicest people can't cope with mental health issues. So effectively you are shut in a silent world - thank goodness for sympathetic family, eh?
The health pros can be the worst. Recently I was assessed: I was told I would be assessed by a psychiatrist, but I was actually assessed by a junior trainee doctor who had then moved by the time I got my follow up. Assessments are hell. At the initial assessment I was told I was fine and that I could come off my medication. Hooray! This I did, which was a bit of a rollercoaster but in many ways fine. Then I went back triumphantly to tell the Senior Consultant I was Fine, thank you very much. He just sat there and told me I was talking rubbish and that I was bipolar. It was heart rending. I was told to have my old medication (epilim) by the bed and start taking it as soon as I started feeling unwell. I can't tell you how awful it is to have such a diagnosis hanging over one. To be told, 'You're going to get ill at any time.' It almost becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Anyway, here we are 5 months later and I'm still OK. A bit fragile and I can't work to full capacity, plus rather in debt, but apart from that I'm fine. I'm grumpier and less tolerant than I was, but more creative and with more energy by far.
For my son it's a bit tough as I do tend to overreact. Ditto my partner. And the need for exercise and siestas is paramount. I just can't stay up late or I pay for it later with burnout, early morning wakings, highs, lows...
I hope this makes you feel less alone?
The only advice I can offer is that assessments can be manipulated. That sounds terrible but I did a history degree and an assessment is basically telling the story of your life. Like any history you can spin it whatever way you like. So during the assessments be very calm and rational and if they ask you if you feel like killing yourself the answer is NO. Do you think the world is a terrible place? NO. Are you waking up early in the morning. NO. etc. etc.
Is it Ali G that does that skit; 'It's YOU who is mad!'.
Sometimes I think some social workers have an anti maternal agenda. It's almost as if they want to find fault with mothers.
Hope it goes well. I shall say some prayers for you.