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Original poster

WWYD if your MIL sent an unsafe toy for your son's b-day?

30 replies

Picklemom · 18/10/2013 22:32

My son is turning 4, and my MIL has sent a toy steam train engine made of metal with many sharp, uncovered edges and corners. I think it is obviously just intended to be a decorative piece and is not a child's toy at all (it hasn't come in any manufacturer's packaging, no idea where it is from). My husband thinks the boy will love it (which is true, he's obsessed with trains) and that we can just file down the sharp edges and it will be fine. But I count at least 50 sharp corners/edges on that thing. Good luck making it safe, I say.

I'm resolved that my son will never see it, because why frustrate him by letting him see a toy that I can't allow him to play with? But do I tell my MIL that I'm not giving it to him, or just say "thanks" and leave it at that. She lives in the US and seldom visits, so she may never know that the boy isn't playing with it. Moreover, my son has a twin sister who has received several nice gifts from MIL, so do I buy him a replacement gift and tell him it's from his grandmother so that he won't notice how imbalanced the number of gifts from Grandmother are? I really think it's my husband's job to tell his own mother that she needs to pay attention to basic safety standards when selecting gifts for young children, but he refuses to acknowledge that the toy is unsafe in the first place and he hates criticizing his mother.

Finally, my son has a twin sister who is getting several nice birthday gifts from MIL, so do I buy him a replacement gift for the train and tell him it's from his grandmother so that he won't notice how imbalanced the number of gifts from Grandmother are?

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 18/10/2013 22:40

Sharp edges? Really? He is 4 not 2. Personally think he is old enough to understand that this is a special train because he is a big boy now and that he has to be very careful with it. If he can't be careful it goes on a shelf out of reach til he is older.
How do you envisage it being dangerous? Do you think he will hurt himself or others?
However, if you really feel he can't have it then I think you will have to buy him something to replace it.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 18/10/2013 22:43

Um...how can I put this nicely?

Give your son the train, tell him it's an ornament and tell him to handle it carefully.

QOD · 18/10/2013 22:48

He's 4, surely he can realise its for gentle play and decoration

AlexaChelsea · 18/10/2013 22:53

Four years old? Hmm give him the train.

What did she send for your DD?

Hawkmoth · 18/10/2013 22:57

I have a four year old DS. I would be putting the train on a shelf, but he is a very rough child.

quietlysuggests · 18/10/2013 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Picklemom · 18/10/2013 23:01

To clarify, sharp metal edges and about 50 unbent, uncovered, uncoated metal points (especially on the front "cow catcher" that really feels a bit like a cheese grater) that make me say "ouch" when I touch them. He might be careful with the train for awhile, but then there will be a squabble with his twin, things will get a bit hectic, someone will fall on it, and blood will spill.

OP posts:
AlexaChelsea · 18/10/2013 23:03

Wow it must be huge!

Then, I'd explain to him that it's not a toy but an ornament.

CookieDoughKid · 18/10/2013 23:30

if it won't pass toy safety tests then I wouldn't give it to him. I would keep it for him and give when he's older/when you think he's old enough......
if you don't want to disrupt the status quo then buy a replacement gift and make no fuss of it.....

TheFabulousIdiot · 18/10/2013 23:32

Put it on a nice high shelf and let him have it under supervision.

OhBuggerandArse · 18/10/2013 23:33

It sounds like a really special thing that he would love. Give it to him, show him how to be careful with it, and don't leave him and his sister squabbling unsupervised with it in the room.

DaleyBump · 18/10/2013 23:36

I wouldn't give him it if you're that worried about it OP. Better safe than sorry.

Original poster
Picklemom · 18/10/2013 23:43

To quietlysuggest, if my own mother gave it my son would not get it, and I would not agonize over whether to talk to her about it either--I'd tell her it wasn't safe and why. But greater diplomacy is required for the MIL. I'd rather just leave it alone, or let my husband find a nice way to tell her.

To AlexaChelsea, it is rather big--about a foot long and half a foot high.

But the good news is, you all made me second guess myself, so I've gone back to check the train again, scratched myself on it (although I was handling it with care), taken it over to my husband and gently guided his hand across the sharp points (which I think he overlooked somehow), and he asked me to stop and agreed that the thing HURTS.

I'll consider letting my son have it as an ornament on a high shelf, though. He's old enough to understand that some things are just decorations. But I will have to put up with some fussing from him while he gets used to the idea of a train he can only look at.

OP posts:
fortyplus · 18/10/2013 23:48

Tell him it's a precious thing to look at not play with and that he's very lucky to receive such a grown-up gift. Then let him take it down from the shelf under supervision. You're being very pfb

Original poster
Picklemom · 18/10/2013 23:57

Really, fortyplus? I'm being pfb when I'm sitting here bleeding because of the silly thing?

OP posts:
fortyplus · 19/10/2013 00:01

You obviously weren't very careful then! Your son won't kill himself with it.

Original poster
Picklemom · 19/10/2013 00:08
Halloween Hmm So are you seriously arguing that I should give a train that was very obviously designed not as a child's toy but as an office or other decoration for an adult train enthusiast to a young boy, in spite of the fact that it scratched me while I was handling it lightly?

Drinking small amounts of bleach probably wouldn't kill him either, when you put it like that. I won't be allowing that either, though.

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 19/10/2013 00:11

No hide it away or get rid and say thanks. I have done the same with unsafe toys.

fortyplus · 19/10/2013 00:13

Don't let him climb trees or play conkers, either then. Why did you post if you've already made up your mind?

Original poster
Picklemom · 19/10/2013 00:15

I do accept responsibility for careless use of language in my original post. I shouldn't have described the thing as a toy train, because I don't believe that is what it is. It is more properly described as a model, made of thin, sharp tin with lots of pointy bits where the tin was cut into sharp points and not even filed down, and it is certainly not designed for kids.

OP posts:
SingingSands · 19/10/2013 00:15

OP, you posted on "what would you do?" not on "I want you all to agree with what I want to do".

Stop being so aggressive when people are suggesting answers to your queries.

Original poster
Picklemom · 19/10/2013 00:18

fortyplus, if you read my original post, you'll note that my questions were not whether to give it to him to play with (because I specifically noted that I wasn't going to be doing that), but whether to tell my MIL about it, or gloss the whole thing over, and whether I should get him a replacement present and tell him it's really from Gran. Which I am planning on doing--I agree with other posters that it seems the right thing to do.

OP posts:
fortyplus · 19/10/2013 00:21

Your dh wishes to give your son his mother's gift and has undertaken to make it safe. That sounds sensible to me.

Original poster
Picklemom · 19/10/2013 00:25

True, if DH does succeed in altering it to make it safe, I'll change my stance. But DH seems suddenly less keen to try after closer examination of the object in question.

OP posts:
mammmamia · 19/10/2013 07:51

I can't believe all the flack you're getting. I don't think that's PFB at all. I have twins the same age. PFB doesn't exist when you have twins! Anyway - I wouldn't give it to him unless he could understand it was only a decoration and actually what's the point of a decorative piece for a 4 year old? He'd probably lose interest anyway after a while if it has no play value so perhaps you could quietly put it away after a few days.