What with you do- friendship issues-Awkward situation

[Zombieisland]

Started a weekly class this last Easter with 5yo DD. Started chatting each week with a lady who was also there watching her DS (also 5yo) do the same activity. She also brings along a younger DS (3yo) who sits with her The lady, 'X', has been pleasant to me and I enjoyed her company whilst waiting for the DC. One week we arranged to meet up separately to the activity with the DC. This is where it has got awkward. Throughout the day her boys screamed, shouted, didn't listen to her at all. A lot of the day was spent by her chasing after them as they wouldn't go to her when asked. They swore, argued constantly and took belongings from DD- eg a character jumper she was in the process of taking off- and ran off with it which their mum had to persuade to give back. She told me to "tell them off if you want to" and laughed as though all of this was perfectly normal.

DD is not at all shy usually but clung to me all the time we were out with them and told me later that she was frightened of them. They poked her, screamed in her face and spoke very rudely to their mum. She responded by shouting back and this continued through the day. She would yell and scream for instance that they would be sitting on naughty step when they it home home or "wait til I tell your dad". It was a constant battle like this between X and her DC all day.

I think DD was frightened by the general interaction between them all- the volume and intensity of it.

I can't be certain that neither of the boys had any additional needs although this has never been mentioned. However the end result is that X's method of dealing with the boys was loud and intimidating as was their behaviour towards her and others.

So since this outing, I've had some texts issuing invites for my DD to both her DS's birthdays that are coming up over next few weeks. Plus suggesting other outings, plus saying her DH wants to meet us, come for tea etc.

When I vaguely mentioned the parties to DD she immediately said she didn't want to go and said she didn't like the boys, and repeated they were scary.

If it was one event to decline that would be fine, but not sure of he best way to handle this as there are numerous suggestions of dates to
meet up.

I also see her every week at this club.

How would you handle this?

[Mummyoftheyear]

Tricky. Perhaps say that your DD just isn't used to boys and feels terribly shy around them. Tricky one.

[LightminTheQueem]

Not sure but you have my sympathy. We have similar with a woman I know suggesting play dates with DD and her DD. They don't know each other and when they have met her DD has been very uninterested in my DD and my DD consequently doesn't want to (fair enough). I have just said 'no' as each thing came up and have some excuse. Have done this in the past too and it is embarrassing but they got the message eventually. Doesn't sound like someone you want to be around either tbh.

[indecisiveandclueless]

I'd be honest and say your DD found the boys a bit boisterous. You could add on that 'maybe when they are a little bit older...' or 'I hope it won't make things awkward between us' but it isn't really necessary. You are telling the truth and at least she knows where she stands.