If you suspected a step grandparent of inappropriate behaviour

[Poppy1080]

Hi everyone

I am after honest direct opinions on this as I am not sure if I am overreacting. On my husband's side of the family (his mum's husband) has displayed some 'off' behaviour towards my 3 year old little boy I am simply not happy with but not sure if I am reading too much into things. I am going to list them below. When my son is in the care of his step grandad he has

1. Watched his step grandad get bathed fully naked during the middle of the day. My son was not being bathed just him whilst my mother-in-law was down stairs. No reason for him to need to have my son in there from a safety point of view. When I carefully asked my boy what they did he said they played looking for grandad's watch under the water. Feel very uncomfortable with this!

1. About 4 months ago ( in our presence as well) he kept playing with my little one chasing him and pulling his trousers down. Again, inappropriate behaviour. I must add that he asks my little one if he needs the toilet a lot ( or at least used to) I now make sure I am the one who takes my son.

This (and a few other things) have now got me in red alert and am starting to wonder about other things. Could be a coincidence but he asked me to help him with his cv when he was out of work. He was desperate for me to do it on my laptop but I couldn't because I didn't have the correct programmes. I explained that he would need MS and that I could load it onto his laptop and do it. Anyhow, I did this and his laptop refused to load MS onto it - 98% of his hard drive was already taken up without any programmes on the it to account for this therefore would be files. When I said to him I would clear it but that I needed to be able to unlock certain folders he got very funny and said his mate would do it and for me not to worry. Could be innocent but has got me a little concerned.

The other thing is that at big family get-togethers I've noticed that he only ever interacts with the kids and never with his peers.

All this could be noticing but just wondered what others thought - my main concern is not putting my son at any risk.

Thanks

I have to say I would feel very uncomfortable with the above behaviour too. Not sure what steps you should take next but I certainly would limit my sons time with him.

What a horrible situation to be it

That man would never be alone with my child. You're definitely not overreacting. Does your husband share your concerns at all? Was he in your husband's life as a child?

Blimey - it's a tough one. Lots of it could well be just because he's a nice man who likes kids.

But yes - I can see why you're uncomfortable. I think if your instincts are telling you to restrict the time they spend together/make sure they're not alone, then follow your instincts.

If I was you I would trust my instincts, and I wouldn't leave my son alone in his care but as to what you actually 'do' I'm not sure.

Is there any way you can access his computer when he is not there and alert the police if you find anything?

Based on the bath incident alone I would not be leaving DS with this man again.

I think you need some advice from the police ASAP, give 101 a ring today. Your HV might be good to share your concerns with too. Tell the police about the computer - they may not be able to act I don't know how it works but it could be of interest to them.

What a horrible situation, will you be able to keep DS away without it causing comment?

I agree with phoning the police for advice. Your experience could be part of a bigger picture of concerns.

In the meantime make sure your soon is not alone in his care.

Son not soon

Dont let him go to mil unless he is not going to be there.

I would say they could all be innocent! Be very careful of accusing anyone when it could be just playing. Maybe not sensible but sometimes people don't see how things could be construed.

Yes ring the police, not to report a crime but to ask if they have any information on him. We've done this with our nextdoor neighbour and my concerns were right. We've not done or said anything but the children are kept away from him. So much harder for you when its a grandparent.

For a bit of perspective, my DF is very paternal, loves children very much. Would do the chasing but would never pull a child's pants down or take them into the bathroom while he was in the bath.

Having a full laptop and locked folders is extremely worrying too.

What does your DH think about all of this? Agree that this man would never, ever be alone with my DC and if it was a family gathering I'd be staying stone cold sober.

Am so glad I can talk to people on here. Thank you very much.

I am not going to let him go to my mother-in-law's whilst he is there. Since he is a long-distance driver I will involve her more during the week when he is away.

I must add that when I was doing his CV he had around five years of not being employed but didn't say why and at the time I didn't ask but now I am wondering whether he could have been prosecuted for an offence. My mother in law wouldn't know as this gap on the cv was before her time with him and he is from a town about a 3.5hour drive from us all.

I must add that his sister does not speak with him and hasn't done for many years. I just assumed that it was because he is childish, crude and a bit annoying but now not sure.

In light of the law Right To Know I am going to enquire with the police about his past. They can only disclose information to protect a child at risk though so until then will always keep a tight guard.

think you have to listen to your instinct and your instinct is telling you that something is wrong. I would not be leaving my child alone with this man. not sure how you explain this without being honest though. wondering what your husband thinks?

I would want to take another look at his laptop. I felt very uneasy reading your post and I am usually more inclined to think people are overreacting in these situations.

Do the police give out information on neighbours? I would have thought that would be illegal?

We rang and spoke to someone. They got a specially trained officer to give us a call. She listened to our concerns and then asked us to come in.

Had already been told on Mn that you can ask.

I would be very wary and would contact 101 for guidance.

As I understand it, you can find out information on anybody provided you have a genuine cause to believe they are a risk and have contact with children. It is all done confidentially to avoid any false accusations etc... Only relevant information is passed onto the parent/guardian of the child at risk.

Wouldn't say my DC were at risk but he was always giving them presents and treats a and inviting them around, without me. Whenever I see hi this big alarm bell goes off in my head.

if your concerns are right then they could be at risk if left alone with him, what a difficult situation what does your Dp say?

Poppy... I think that all sounds like a very sensible approach. I wasn't aware of 'right to know'.

Might be worth talking to your sister about her thoughts on him too...

Does he take his laptop with him when he goes away? Is it password protected?

OP, have you tried looking for him on google. You never know what might come up. You could also try a search on site of the local paper for where he used to live.