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Original poster

If you knew two colleagues were having an affair?

29 replies

showtunesgirl · 15/09/2013 20:44

Right so I know for certain that two colleagues of mine are having an affair. She is single but he is not and has just come back from a romantic holiday with his live in girlfriend. Hmm

How on earth do I go about pretending that I don't know and continue work as normal?

OP posts:
Tailz · 15/09/2013 20:57

Does the fact they're having an affair impact on their jobs at all ie is it a Manager and one of his/her team?

In my experience it's fairly common (I've always worked in v large organisations and seen it a lot), in the end, you learn to ignore it.

Original poster
showtunesgirl · 15/09/2013 21:00

Yes she works for him as do I. I sit opposite him and she sits on my right hand side.

It's also a very small company and I cannot imagine this NOT getting out. I myself found out via the company email as due to the nature of our jobs, we are all check each others inboxes. I mean honestly, how stupid can you be to use the company email to carry on!

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VerySmallSqueak · 15/09/2013 21:02

I would just make myself keep my nose out.

Bitter experience tells me not to get involved.

Original poster
showtunesgirl · 15/09/2013 21:06

Very, do you mind sharing what happened in your case?

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Itsallveryscary · 15/09/2013 21:07

We have 3 x couples at work having affairs. All are married, all have DC. My skin literally crawls with repulsion everytime one guy in particular comes and talks to me. He often tries to discuss his wife and DC with me (just general chit chat about their weekend and stuff, not dissing his wife). It takes all my self control not to scream at him.

idiot55 · 15/09/2013 21:08

Try and turn a blind eye, hopefully it will sort itself out, either way and you can move on.

Original poster
showtunesgirl · 15/09/2013 21:08

YY, how do you bite your tongue?!

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Bowlersarm · 15/09/2013 21:09

I wouldn't do anything. Unless I knew their partners personally, I would consider it none of my business.

VerySmallSqueak · 15/09/2013 21:10

In a group of friends I told girlfriend of one that he was having an affair. She got very very upset. Group friendship was in shatters (and was never repaired) and she went back to him anyhow. No one was impressed with my actions and I got a hard time.

KatOD · 15/09/2013 21:10

Yep they're bloody stupid and deceitful people.

Stay well out and icily professional.

sarascompact · 15/09/2013 21:12

I wouldn't do anything. How would it benefit to do anything? It's not my business what other people do in their private or sex lives. It would be a different matter of course if you were overlooked for promotion in favour of the mistress when you were clearly the better candidate but unless something like that applies where you are directly affected then there's no reason to do a thing.

cantthinkofagoodone · 15/09/2013 21:12

Playing dumb? 'so how long have you two been seeing each other then?' as though it isn't an affair. Or asking her about her love life lots etc

Tailz · 15/09/2013 21:12

I can ignore it most of the time but then come half term/summer holidays and the people in question bring their kids to the Office and parade them up and down playing the proud parent role, it does become v hard to bite my tongue!

Original poster
showtunesgirl · 15/09/2013 21:14

sarascompact I DID say in my OP: How on earth do I go about pretending that I don't know and continue work as normal?

That was my question, not what should I do about the affair itself!

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 15/09/2013 21:17

If neither one of them brings it up with you, why should you bring it up with them? There is no need is there, unless they talk to you about it? How well do you know them both? Do you socialise with them?

30ish · 15/09/2013 21:18

I'm in the same boat. Very dear friend and colleague who I work closely with. Everyone at work knows. It's at least the 3rd time he's done this. Dear friend knows she's the latest but doesn't seem to care. His wife has no idea. I feel so guilty each and every time I see her and their children. It makes my working relationship with him very uncomfortable.

sarascompact · 15/09/2013 21:19

Sorry. Blush What I meant was that you just do. You continue work as usual just as you would if a colleague came in and said that he'd had a Chinese meal over the weekend or you'd discovered he goes to baseball games in his spare time or read an email and found he had piles! You carry on as normal because you rationalise it, reminding yourself that it's something which is as irrelevant and unimportant to you as baseball supporting or meals out, just another of those boring facts you know, until and unless it actually affects your employment and security.

Original poster
showtunesgirl · 15/09/2013 21:24

Thank you sarascompact that's great advice. I will just try to compartmentalise it away.

I know I can't get fired for knowing about it but I have a feeling that if it DOES come out, our main boss will ask me if I knew about it and it might get a bit uncomfortable.

Thing is, can I get in trouble if I know that they are abusing company time / resources and don't report it?

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Original poster
showtunesgirl · 15/09/2013 21:26

I also think she's very stupid. The managers here travel a lot and my old work friend and I have played a game before where we have made suppositions as to how many have played away / paid for it whilst on "business" as it's the perfect alibi as they are legitimately away.

After finding out this, I would bet money that he is the camp that has done this.

His job is also great for getting away with this as he can just claim that he has an overnight trip somewhere which does genuinely happen.

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AcrylicPlexiglass · 15/09/2013 21:33

It is quite common, I think. Don't worry about it. It's their problem. Why don't you tell all your friends at work at juicy gossip time and then you won't have to worry about keeping it a secret? Or do you like one or both of them?

Varya · 15/09/2013 21:35

I would do nothing and say nothing. Happens quite often where I work and its always best to look the other way IMO.

Original poster
showtunesgirl · 15/09/2013 21:37

AcrylicPlexiglass, I actually quite liked both of them. Sad Now I kind of feel rather contemptuous about the pair of them.

I actually wouldn't get a chance to gossip as she is kind of Queen Bee at lunchtimes.

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meditrina · 15/09/2013 21:37

It's none of your unisex resonantly.

But it is highly unprofessional, especially if he has any say at all in appraisals, bonuses or promotions. Do you have an HR department? They won't care about the fact of the relationship, but they will care about fairness and transparency in line management. They need to know about this.

meditrina · 15/09/2013 21:38

"It's none of your unisex resonantly" DYAC gone wild!

It's none of your business personally

Original poster
showtunesgirl · 15/09/2013 21:41

Well yes, the Head of Department that oversees all of us would listen to him regarding appraisals etc but I don't think he would be saying anything bad about me as I good at what I do there. Also there's little chance of promotion as it's a very, very small company. From their emails, I gather she is looking to go in about six months anyway so I guess I will just ride it out til then!

We have one HR lady and to be honest, I don't want to raise it with her as she will no doubt raise it with the Head of Department.

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