To contact family I have gone NC with

[EagleRiderDirk]

I've posted on the site a few times about my S. I am completely nc with her. DM has just told me that S has lost a baby. This is obviously very sad news and despite being nc I would never have wished it on her.

I have is that I spoke to a friend about this earlier and I've come to the realisation that S has been lying about over elaborating things for a very long time. So as upset as I am for her, I'm also pretty especially for my DPs who have been through the ringer with her.

I think my DPs want me to use this to bury the hatchet with her. I did make a point to say how horrible I thought it was and that I hope she is ok to DM, but I have no intention of re-entering into a relationship with her or allowing her in our lives again. However, I am wondering if I should at least send her my sympathies direct.

My problem lies in that there are no good scenarios here. I am either going to get a ton of abuse from S as I have healthy DC (she has history of this, she doesn't like that my kids exist - one of many reasons for nc), or she will complain to my parents that I have contacted her just to rub it in. If I leave it then I will be complained about for not at least messaging.

WWYD?

Could you send a note card or text but leave it at that and carry on not talking to her?

thanks for responding lora

that was what I was thinking of doing, but I can't see a way doing it isn't going to open a can of worms. even if S stays away from me, she will make waves with the rest of the family.

I think I'm going to leave it. if anything happened to me she would be the last person I want to hear from so if anyone complains that I haven't directly sent sympathies I'll just say I wasn't interested in upsetting her further.

I think leaving it is the best option. You can mention to your parents or others in common that you are sorry for her. If she asks they can tell her.

I am no contact with my family and it is hard (though better than being in contact).

I know in mine contact in this type of situation would only lead to further problems.

I think you are doing well. These challenges do come up and the ability not to react immediately but to stop and work through the choices and outcomes is a very good thing to have.

I think leaving it is the best option too, given what you describe. I also agree with thearmadillo about not reacting immediately, very wise.

Thank you armadillo and night

I wish I could claim some cleverness in not reacting straight away but its something I've been stung by too much in the past, so no I have no choice but to carefully consider any interaction. Although its my poor DPs who get the brunt, so it makes me a lot more careful

Damned if you do, damned if you don't here!!

I think if it makes you feel better knowing you have acknowledged her tragedy then do so but it could also be conceived as an olive branch which you've stated you do not want to offer.

Personally I'd leave it as DM passing on your sympathies.

I would leave it.

I would ask parents how to word a card for her
That way you have pleased your parents and she can't complain at what was written
Still it's a horrible situation though.