SIL has made me really cross.

[AngiBolen]

SIL is going back to work after maternity leave today.

It's her 2nd child, and her DM provides her child care. SIL wanted to ease her DM into caring for two DC, so organised for her eldest DC (who is 6yo), to spend the week with my DM (her MIL) who lives close to me, which would be lovely, as we don't see them that often as they live 2 hours drive away. DD was very excited about seeing having her cousin come to stay with DM.

SIL was supposed to visit DM yesterday and leave her DD, but called at the last minute to say her DD had a cough, which might turn into asthma, so wouldn't be bringing her. Then in the evening phoned to say, the cough had come to nothing, and could DM please collect her DD from her DM at 11 am this morning.

Now, the thing is,yesterday when my DM learned my DN wasn't coming to stay, she offered to pay for two of my DC to attend a sports camp, which is on every pm this week. She knew I couldn't afford to pay for them to attend, and it's terribly kind of her to offer (cue me blubbing, and DC jumping around like the kids on the Dinsey ad' who've just been told they are going to Disney Florida, and phoning DM to thank her profusely).

Now, I'm feeling really bad that my DC will be in sports camp when DN is here for the week. I think DM is a pit peed off that they won't be around to play with DN, but she has still dropped off the money.

DM is in her late 70's and driving two hours to pick up DN, and two hours back in one day will be a lot for her. Also this morning it's DD's birthday party, which we'd arranged today, so DN could attend, and DM could be there to "help" me. (She doesn't actually help, but it's nice to have another adult around, just in case.) I'm now in charge of a load of screaming 8yo's on my own.

Oh, and DM had invited friends over to her house this afternoon, but now may not be back in time....

So, WWYD? - Tell my DC, no they can't go to sports camp because their cousin is coming? Let them go? Phone SIL and say...what? I appreciate it must be stressful going back to work after maternity leave.

Can they just see her in the mornings and do camp for afternoon?

Yes, they can, but it means we won't be able to do any days out, which I think DM was counting on, to keep DN entertained.

I really want to tell SIL she needs to think about other people occasionally. I've never fallen out with her before though.

I can't see that SIL has done anything wrong.

oh yes - sorry I didn't see that bit
that's so cheeky ...she should drop her herself

Hmm... I suppose DN could do sports camp for the next four days, but she really doesn't like sport and is asthmatic.

But OP seems to be blaming SIL for everything that's inconvenient about the whole week (including her DCs going to sports camp), when it's only really in expecting OP's DM to do the round trip that SIL is BU.

OP, is it an option for your DC to do sports camp some days this week but not others? I would probably ask them what they'd prefer -- to spend some days out with their cousin or go to sports camp.

Corny, it's not just expecting DM to do a long drive, it's expecting DM to drop all her arrangements at the drop of a hat (DD's party and her friends visiting this pm).

Pachacuti I did ask them what they would rather do....they both said, "it's fine, what ever you think best" while looking really sad. They really want to do the camp. DD kept filling out forms for it, in hope. The camp for both of them is almost costing twice as much as the birthday party, and I'd already promised her and organised the party before knowing about the camp. She could have had the camp, or the party, but I made the decision for her, as I didn't think it was fair to put that onto an indecisive 7yo.

If I'm being irrational, please tell me. I'm really stressed about the party. Am off to it now. Wish me luck!

hmm you know Op I don't think I read your OP properly at all...didn't realise that your mum would actually miss the actual party - I thought she would just miss that getting everything ready bit.

Your mum sounds like a really nice person though to drop everything like that to help out SIL!

Send your kids to the camp anyway.

If your DCs really want to do the camp, let them do the camp. Take your DN off your DM's hands for the mornings to make her life easier (if she'd like).

Your DM is an adult; she could have said to SIL herself that she was busy this morning and this afternoon so SIL would have to wait until this evening or drop off DN herself. It was cheeky of SIL to try to dictate exactly when DN should be picked up, but that's not something you should stick your nose into.

OK, party went well, and I've calmed down.

DC are in sports camp.

More than happy to take DN off DM's hands.

Yes, my mother is really nice. She will do anything for her DC. Which is why we don't abuse her kindness, which I feel SIL is doing. I'm going to make sure DB or SIL collects DN, or I will take her back, as it's not fair to keep expecting DM to drive so far. It will give me a chance to drop into conversation I think DB and SIL expected to much of DM, and get to hear their side of the situation.

And apparently SIL hasn't gone into work today (she's SE).

Whaaaat?! she is at home!

SIL was at her DM's over lunchtime....maybe she just popped out of work for a couple of hours, but DN definitely told me just now her mum wasn't in work today.