My parents have been together for 30 years and now they've separated.

[piggyfair]

Has anyone else had the experience of their parents unexpectedly splitting later in life? I'd love to hear from you. As the adult child of an apparently stable marriage, I was shocked when my dad moved out.

www.piggyfair.com/2013/03/flourless-chocolate-cake-for-loveless.html

P.

Yep - they had been married (happily so I thought) for 38 years when F walked out on DM - turns out he had been living a double life for 2 years and was with the OW when he was supposed to be working away.

He left a week after ds1's christening and I have seen him twice in the last 10 years - his choice and I have moved on - if he doesn't want to be part of my life or that of his grandchildren then thats up to him, I'm not going to waste time and energy on it. (he hasn't even met my younger 2 dc)

DM has been very dignified throughout the entire affair but has been left to survive on only her state pension and pension credit while he is living the life of Riley in another country wanting for nothing. He has paid no maintenance and is in contempt of court.

I was in my early 30's when it happened and it has taken me the last 10 years to come to terms with it and to cope with my dm's resultant depression. Its worse when you are a "grown-up" as you are supposed to be sensible about it when all you want to do is through a complete tantrum and scream its not fair maybe thats just me

I'm 32 and Mum and Dad seperated just over 2 years ago.

We are a much happier extended family as are my parents. obivously primary concerns were their happiness and I am convinced they are. They have both become much more 3 dimensional people - getting more hobbies, friends, life aims etc and their energy goes into living a full life rather than struggling to live together. Our second (selfish?) concern was how family get togethers would be, Xmas, being Grandparents to our daughter and I am so proud to say it is fantastic. They get on grand when we are all together, and they are good friends. When ever our daughter sees one of them the other joins for dinner or a trip out etc. it has made getting to knwo them individually and one who was slightly dominated in conversation by the other I now chatmuch more with.

One has a daughter from a different relationship and that has become easier (long story and it isn;t mine to tell) and the other now has a new romantic interest and both chat more about them to each other.

It was werid at very first though so much easier than when it happened temporarily when I was a teenager. Emotionally it fel tthe right thing, they were immediately happier etc but also (selfishly again?) as us kids were settled with our own little family it didn;t feel like we were being ripped apart.

it would have been very very different if they had parted badly though....

Yep only it was my Mum that left after 30 years to run off with someone she had met at work, she subsequently married him, I didn't go to the wedding but some years later got back in touch when I was expecting my first child. It has totally ruined my relationship with my Mum but she is an ok Grandma to the girls so I tolerate her so I don't have to explain the missing Grandparent in their lives.