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Original poster

Fireguard disagreement

37 replies

flatwhite · 11/02/2013 21:47

MIL stayed with us over weekend. She has now left (lives other end country) and DH has told me she phoned him early this morning to say she has not slept all night worrying about DS coming to harm by our open gas fire. DS is 2 1/2 and generally quite a bright little thing who understands when things might harm him and seems to know when to stay away.
DH has brought nome fireguard a few weeks ago on request MIL and he assembled it. I found it to be a ugly monstrosity which took up space and made it difficult for grown ups to access fire too. I took it down and we did not think more about it till MIL came again just now.
Note DS has never tried touch fire- he does approach it and look at us cheekily inviting us to say no and this seems to work. I would never leave him unattended with fire lit.
But I think this issue has deeper roots then a disagreement over a fire guard.
I often feel I can never keep my child safe enough in MILs eyes. When she is with him she is never more then an arms length away, it took her a while to feel comfortable with him being able to manage stairs without support, solids which are not mush etc etc. She admitted when he was born that would always feel the need to protect him etc she did not sleep for a few nights after he was born as she was so worried about DS and his care...
DH sort of understands where I am coming from and asked if it would be ok to erect fire guard just when she visits then take it down again!!
I am left rather confused as to what to do- on the one hand I truely think DS will be ok without the guard but on the other I feel that I am being negligent just for sake of proving a point...
So... What do people think about fire guards?
Are they absolutely necessary?
Would anyone dare admit they have an open fire without one (and have a toddler)??
Do you think It is ok for me to stand my grounds about this issue??

OP posts:
TheDeadlyDonkey · 11/02/2013 21:55

Personally I would never have an open fire without a guard. Your DS is only tiny and accidents do happen. I would see no fire guard as an unacceptable risk, but maybe I'm overprotective?
Maybe you could find one that fits more easily into the room?
Relationships with MILs can be difficult when you have different ideas of how things should be done, but as long as you are not putting your dc at risk, he is your child and you and your dh should do things your way.

Iggity · 11/02/2013 22:03

We have a full sized nursery fire guard. DS is nearly 4. We have it more to protect against him falling on the sharp marble hearth as we never light the fire. I think at 2.5 your DS is probably still too young to really understand danger but you are his mum so up to you to decide. Our guard is black and I think it looks quite smart as fireplace is off-white limestone with black hearth.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 11/02/2013 22:11

Me? I would have a guard. In fact I guess we do, we've just started using a gas fire downstairs to reduce heating costs and it is placed in the kitchen on the other side of the gate.

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Families
Wewereherefirst · 11/02/2013 22:12

We have two, one on each fire. After DS2 accidentally cut his head on the stone hearth, the guard is a safety item that is functional,not pretty.

And you never know when a good child may shove something in the fire which could cause problems or slip/trip on the hearth. It's not going to be up forever, but I would have it up for peace of mind!

FWIW, the fire service don't start teaching children about fire safety until they're 6/7. This is when they begin to understand the consequences and definitely know what don't touch means...

Original poster
flatwhite · 11/02/2013 22:13

I hear you both.
I am usually so safety conscious and am always worrying about DS but I can't work out why I didn't have a worry about the fire place??
The fireguard we had was metal and ugly. I guess in my mind it sort of represents my perception of MILs anxiety and need to protect!!
Maybe we need to shop around for a more tasteful one!

OP posts:
CelticPromise · 11/02/2013 22:13

I think you're crazy to have an open fire without a guard. I have a wood burner and a three year old, would never have it lit without the guard. It only takes a second to fall or touch and the consequences could be so awful.

There was a little girl on 24 Hours in A&E last year that got burnt when her skirt caught from their open fire.

I am really a very relaxed parent in many ways! I wouldn't take this risk though. Not worth it.

PurpleStorm · 11/02/2013 22:19

I think that if you've got an open fire and a toddler, then a fireguard is essential.

A toddler's too young to understand why they're meant to keep away, and even if he's not in the room alone with it, it'd still be far too easy for him to touch it or fall on it before you could reach him.

Original poster
flatwhite · 11/02/2013 22:29

I do agree with all theses points and concerns.
My initial attitude must fall within a minority
I think I'm just upset that MIL can't talk to me about these things and has to go through DH.
Or maybe it better this way...

OP posts:
lemontwist · 11/02/2013 22:34

Please get a fireguard. We have two open fireplaces and DS1 has had it drummed into him since he was teeny not to touch and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't but one trip while running around and he could fall straight into it, or have clothing catch fire. I have a scar on my forehead from fallling and hitting my head on the hearth when I was small. Even our fire that is very rarely used has a guard on it for that reason.
I have a childminder friend with an unused fire place. Ofsted insisted she has a guard as head injury on raisd hearths is unfortunately fairly common. Also, as a previous poster mentioned, at that age they have no real sense of danger so you never know if or when the temptation to touch or throw something at the fire will get too much.

PoppyWearer · 11/02/2013 22:38

Please please use the fireguard.

AnyaKnowIt · 11/02/2013 22:41

Why shouldn't she speak to her son about it?

And please use the fireguard, all it would take is for your ds to trip over something

VerySmallSqueak · 11/02/2013 22:46

Use the fireguard.

It may be ugly,but after a while you won't see it.

It will also stop a log rolling off and setting fire to the hearth rug/carpet.

VerySmallSqueak · 11/02/2013 22:49

tbh I learned my lesson that even when you haven't got a fire going a fireguard is a good idea (it's quite amazing how far ash can go in a very short space of time....)

Original poster
flatwhite · 11/02/2013 22:51

No logs- sorry its a gas fire. It's quite contained. No sparks...

OP posts:
VerySmallSqueak · 11/02/2013 22:54

Oops,sorry - must read post properly!

Still would use the fireguard though....

Original poster
flatwhite · 11/02/2013 22:54

Re why shouldn't she speak to her son about it?
She is never open with me about any of her anxieties. I can guess them all though and the lack of communication creates more tensions.
I constantly feel undermined and excluded by her.
That is why I was upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
flatwhite · 11/02/2013 22:55

No it ok I said open fire - we have only recently moved in here and not that clued up with all the types of fires...

OP posts:
pictish · 11/02/2013 22:58

I think a fireguard is a must have for that age too. We had one. I loathed it, but it stayed until the kids were much surer on their feet. I still have one, but a more attractive, smaller one now. We started off with the all encompassing monstrosity though. Couldn't not have.

Anything could happen whether he touches the fire or not. He could trip over a toy and stumble into it for a start! He might throw or drop something into it by accident. You never know!

Your mil was right to raise it with her son. She is thnking about the safety of your child.

pictish · 11/02/2013 23:03

And please...don't resent the fact that she spoke to her son. He's her son...that's his mum. That's her son's baby she is worried about. It's healthy and correct that she should raise it with him, rather than you.

pictish · 11/02/2013 23:04

Not that she shouldn't raise it with you...but it's to be expected that your dh will be her first point of contact. Iyswim?

FriedSprout · 11/02/2013 23:07

I should imagine she is not telling you directly because she is trying her best not to step on your feet and upset you. If she spoke dirctly to you about this then that might lead you to think that she is accusing you of neglect, or her of interferring. I think the very last thing she wants to happen is her son to go home and say "my mums thinks...". She just wants to her son to start a discussion with you.

Think she is trying to be a good non-interfering mil

Viviennemary · 11/02/2013 23:08

I think your mil is right. We had a huge fireguard which was a monstrosity but the H & S advice is to have a fireguard. Toddlers can trip up.

AnyaKnowIt · 11/02/2013 23:08

So you are unwilling to get a fireguard because your mil chose to speak to her own son about her concerns? Confused

VerySmallSqueak · 11/02/2013 23:09

^ agree with what's been said by pictish and FriedSprout.

Delayingtactic · 11/02/2013 23:20

Please please use a fire guard. Yes they're ugly and what not but that's secondary to its main role. Accidents happen, children trip and fall and you would never ever forgive yourself if it did. I've seen a family torn apart by a supervised child tripping and their clothing catching alight. That little girls burns will stay with me forever. I don't mean to be dramatic but it does happen and even if its a small risk the consequences are too much.

And I think your mil can't win - if she spoke to you directly i think you'd take it to heart and feel like she was directly criticising you. She probably feels like she's doing the nicer thing by talking to her son.