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Do we contact her dad?

10 replies

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 08/01/2013 22:12

A friend broke up with her emotionally abusive partner two years ago. They have two young dds and he continues to abuse her and her ds (not his) through them, telling the girls lies about their brother; court action is now happening because he's demanding residency. (He won't get it, his lies have been thoroughly investigated by police and social services. Women's Aid are involved.)

Friend has found her ex's ex-wife on FB, they've exchanged friendly messages and it's possible the exw will give a statement to the court about the way he abused her, physically in her case. He was permitted only supervised contact with their daughter, who is now a young woman, and he stopped seeing her quite quickly.

The ex has now remarried, and his abuse of my friend and her ds immediately and shockingly escalated, hence the court action. We can see his abusive behaviour now also being turned onto the new wife, his pattern starts with geographically isolating his partners and he's certainly achieved that. New W is still madly loved-up and of course cannot see what he's doing.

Her parents, however, are concerned about the speed with which the relationship has moved, and the fact that he has a reputation locally as a bit of a mouthy hothead; he's pissed off a local chap, well-liked, well-known and well-respected. Well, actually, he's pissed off a lot of people because he's Always Right, but this chap is known to the parents.

So, we have also found the NW's dad on FB. Do we contact him anonymously and say, look, your fears are well-grounded, this is what he did to exW, this is what he's doing to his exP, their dds? So he could talk to his dd, and she could at least keep her eyes out for the red flags.

Or, given that new W is an adult and not on her first marriage (apparently the last dh was a cunt too) do we just leave it, and maybe help pick up the pieces when he's fucked her over too?

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/01/2013 14:05

Hopeful bump, or I'll c&p to AIBU in a bit....

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LoopsInHoops · 09/01/2013 14:10

I would contact her first, but yes, personally I'd contact the parents too.

But that isn't advice, I'm not sure what the right thing to do would be.

BiscuitMillionaire · 09/01/2013 14:11

What a difficult situation. But I don't think you would achieve much by contacting the dad. If he talks to her she won't believe him, you'll just be some bitter ex's friend.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/01/2013 14:14

Thanks for the replies. Just found out he beat the crap out of his exW and cleared her out financially too. At least he didn't hit my friend.

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notnagging · 09/01/2013 14:15

I don't think you'll achieve much especially with the court case. if she's still loved up she will need to see things for herself. she might just think you are trying to cause trouble. it will make it worse for her if he finds out.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/01/2013 14:17

But if she had some advance warning, she might see the signs sooner?

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Susan2kids · 09/01/2013 14:19

If you do that and he finds out then you may well end up wither in court facing civil action for defamation or if you imply a crime which he has not been convicted of you can find yourself on a criminal charge. Very bad idea. Not only that you may be seen as interfering in ongoing cases. Other peoples relationships are not your concern however bitter you may be about the past and your own poor decision making. It is nothing to do with you.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/01/2013 14:23

Eh? My poor decision-making? Confused

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Susan2kids · 09/01/2013 15:11

Sorry your 'friends' poor decision making... apologise assumed you were saying friend but meaning yourself.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/01/2013 15:17

That's an odd sort of assumption to make... So we just leave the NW to her fate, do we?

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