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Carpool uneven

10 replies

ONtherunmum · 22/12/2012 12:59

My friend initiated move my one and her two daughters to another school for it being better. It's aprox less than 30 min drive. I had a hard time deciding to move thinking if I can do the run to take my only dd there. For me physically its too much stress in the morning to take additional responsibilities. I just recovered a bit from being permanently fatigued and she knows the issues I'm dealing with.
My friend though was all go even though she has three kids and one goes to the school 15 min drive in the opposite direction. When thinking of moving she indicated that she expected me to drive her kids and alternate some days so I can take her other child to his school and she can take my and her dds to our new school. I think I gave her a signal pretty clearly that this wont really work for me as I have other family obligations coming my way and won't like to drive her other child instead of taking my own to school, our kids are pretty young.

She is having hard time now taking all three to school and won't hire additional help even though they are paying for a nice car, expensive gym and huge house. She carpools with others people but tries to reciprocate them which is nearly impossible. I feel like her whole plan of putting her kids through better schooling resided on me being her additional driver. I feel guilty not helping her out but still cannot push myself to share her burden. Is this unreasonable? I'm writing because it really bugges me for so long. Thank you for your input.

OP posts:
quoteunquote · 22/12/2012 21:23

I'm struggling to understand,

your daughter goes to a school 30 min away, your friend takes her in the morning along with her daughters?

I'm sorry you have lost me.

SavoyCabbage · 22/12/2012 21:26

Tell us what the arrangements are?

wednesdaygirl · 23/12/2012 01:21

So all 3 choldren moved to a new school but you have (for personal reasons) decided just to drive your own child to school

The mum of the other 2 choldren is finding it hard to get her 2 to school because her son has to be at school too but in the other direction

Your feeling guily

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MerylStrop · 23/12/2012 01:29

So your friend's idea is that you alternate taking your DD + her 2 to one school, and taking her other child to a different school? And you don't want to do the taking her other child bit?

Rewind a bit. You moved your DD's school - to one hugely inconvenient and impractical for you - because your friend's kids were and you thought she would share the driving? That clearly wasn't a great idea given your circumstances. Can you move back?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 23/12/2012 01:58

sorry but why the hell did you move your child to a new school further away based on your friend's say so? have you no brain in your head?

ONtherunmum · 23/12/2012 22:25

Thank you ladies, just having somebody to read it is great. You got me right after all. What I feel is that my friend still hoping for me to drive her kids by complaining all the time how harsh is the run. The school is better for my daughter and I knew I can do it with one kid, but my friend clearly relied on me eventually agreeing to be her second driver. Now it drifts us apart.

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ONtherunmum · 23/12/2012 22:36

After all it sounds absurd that I'm worried so much about it, but it bugs me when people ask me things and I have to say no. This is clearly my problem I can see it now as i'm discussing it with you.

My fatigue and depression was brought up because I had to say no to my sister few years ago and she wouldn't talk to me for a long time. It broke my heart. I'm only now coming out of it and we talk again, but the strain really didn't do any good to my health.

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SavoyCabbage · 24/12/2012 02:03

I don't think there's anything wrong with moving schools if you can manage the school run, which you can. Lots of people don't go to their closest school. Mine don't and I 'have a brain in my head' [hmmm]

I would just ay low for a while next term. Take her dd if it's convenient to you but don't if it isn't. Just say "I can't do that" or something along those lines. Go to some after school activities or ask your dd's friends home for tea and show your friend that you are in charge of your own life and your own arrangements.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 24/12/2012 02:11

my brain in head comment referred to the fact that she moved her DD because her friend suggested it (as implied in the OP). i wondered why she couldn't think for herself whether this was something she wanted instead of just going along with her friend. it had nothing to do with not going to the nearest school.

ONtherunmum · 24/12/2012 09:26

Savoy and santarock, thank you both for close attention. i wasn't clear on all points to begin with. yes I can do my own, just having hard time doing someone else's. I'm grateful to my friend for introducing us to the new school as its good for my dd, just didn't know the extent of her relying on me driving. Just saying no wasn't enough. At the moment I don't do any driving with her, just feel the animosity growing from her.

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