Please help us!!!!!

[shuffler]

I wasn't sure where to post this I just know that I need help quickly.

My son is 6 months old and I love him with all my heart, I would give up my life and everything in it for him but I don't like him :(
He always has something wrong with him, first it was colic, then reflux, then he wouldn't latch on anymore so I had to bottle feed him, he won't settle on his own, he's very clingy, he has problems with his kidneys, he's had a blood infection, colds, coughs, reactions to injections and so on. I know it's not not his fault and I support him through everything he is going through, I give him cuddles and when he was in hospital for his blood infection and kidneys I stayed with him all the time and didn't sleep for 50 hours just to make sure he was ok.
All he ever does is whinge and moan and growl, we see glimpses of 'our' son every now and again and it's so nice and amazing but 90% of the time he dosnt feel like he is ours. I have spoke to DH about this and he feel the same.
We feel like shit parents for feeling this way but what can we do? And when will 'our' son be back for good?

Can anyone please help us??
:(

Didn't want to read & run but have you considered you might have PND? It sounds like you've had an awful time with your son & you're bound to be feeling exhausted, stressed etc. It might be worth speaking to your GP about how you're feeling?

Sorry not much more help.

I have been diagnosed with depression but not PND I'm currently seeing a councillor but I'm not sure he can help with this, especially because DH feels the same.

Well I'm sure men can get PND too,I know they don't have the hormonal changes but they're still affected. Is this your first? Definitely speak to your counsellor about how you're feeling. And it IS ok not to like your children all the time, and you ARE allowed to have 'what have I done' moments.

It definitely sounds like post natal depression and obviously exhaustion. See a gp again and ask for anti-ds maybe. I had this with my first Born and it was horrific. I was putting on a front for 9 months then finally broke down. I had group councelling provided in sure start centre which worked. I felt better knowing I wasn't a bad mother just an I'll one. I also took prozac. So sorry your not enjoying your child but it will get better. Hugs

Yeah he's our first. I will speak to my counsellor about it, I know it's not going to be perfect and that been a parent is hard work I just wish I knew what to do.
Even family and friends have commented on how difficult he is and I get defensive about it, I just need to know that it gets better.

hopefully family and friends are trying to sympathise with you by not blaming you. Agree get anti-d's

I would also speak to your gp. See if something could be done about running some tests on your ds. See if there's a reason he's always so poorly :(

Is it possible he has allergies explaining the reflux and colic and there r egg/gluten products in vaccinations that could explain the reactions.

I'm sorry you have such a hard time :(

Yes I agree also about getting further tests done on your son to try & find out why he's having all these problems. But definitely speak to your GP.

Thank you all for replying. He is currently going through tests for a condition called vesico-ureteric reflux and after doing research on it, it sounds to me that he has had it from birth which could be why he is so grumpy. He has got to have a catheter fitted in about 2 weeks time for a 24 hour urine test and he has also got to have an injection through his tummy in to his kidneys to check how their functioning, it's all pretty scary stuff but obviously where looking forward to the results.Me and DH have been having little jokes saying imagine if there is nothing wrong at all and he is just really grumpy, but when we really think about it were really dreading this been the outcome because we may never like him.

I'm not sure I'd assume it's PND just because you don't like your son yet. You must both be exhausted / worried / frustrated - it's certainly not what you were expecting and not what happens to most new parents. I'd have thought the more practical help you can get the better - so maybe a grandparent or friend can look after the DC while you sleep or go for a meal out etc. And maybe one of you or your DH can have a break while the other one is looking after the DC.
I'm no doctor, but young babies are more prone to illness than older children and hopefully the problems will lessen soon. You'll then see what he is like when he's not feeling ill, and will have the chance to bond. But you need practical support until then. Anti depressants and counselling are not necessarily the answer.

My dd was always ill as a baby. Hospitalized three times with a UTI and then two bouts of bronchiolitis, she had to have scans on her kidneys and was on antibiotics for months and as a result she was always cranky, her stomach hurt, she was snotty we always had to spray stuff up her nose, her eyes were gunky her skin was dry. All this stopped when we got her put on special milk, and when she finally came off the antibiotics. It was such an instant thing.

I'd ask the gp for allergy tests !! Also ask your health visitor about baby massage classes as that may help u and ur baby bond and help him
Feel more relaxed.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip that sounds just like DS!! It's one thing after another he also has bouts of diarrhea and sickness, I will definitely speak to GP.

I don't want to jump to PND been the answer because I feel that if he was happy and healthy then we wouldn't feel this way.

I do feel selfish for feeling this way when he is poorly and it's not his fault. The guilt is literally eating me up inside.

We have an amazing support unit from family, me and DH have been out for meals and we also work on a bit of a rota so that each of us has some 'me time' which helps a lot with the exhaustion but it dosnt take the feelings away when DS starts been grumpy again.

I'm
Not a dr but with the bouts of d+v and the constant grumpiness maybe it could be somethin like caeliac disease. The effect on his bodies ability to digest his milk/food could explain why he's having kidney problems too as nutrition deficiencies can affect all organs.

Medications and vaccinations can also contain egg and gluten as I mentioned above. In my dds case I believe it was CMP . It was never confirmed medically but the difference it made when we swapped milk was enough for me to think that's what it was and enough for the drs to not question prescribing the milk. Funnily enough silent reflux and colic were mentioned in the run up to me pushing for the milk. Symptoms can be very similar.

Obviously there could be nothing wrong with your son or it could be nothing like what I have suggested but in your shoes I would at least try and get drs to find an underlying cause. Many drs assume "some babies r just sickly" so u may well have to push quite hard but from what u have said I'd certainly suspect something as u have seen glimpses of what u think he's really like. If this has gone in since he was born then babies r not just grumpy at birth they cry cos something's wrong . Often they grow out of things so they r written off as being just a "grumpy baby" .

I really hope u get an answer and don't feel bad as u sound like a living mum and dad but this would push many people to desperation.

I can relate to how you feel hunni!!!! Please pm me of you need someone to talk to! I was in this situation a while back but im fine now! There is help!