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I feel so guilty

4 replies

Petandzar · 18/11/2012 11:59

Hey Everybody,
Just writing on here,seeing if anybody has been in my situation,or has any advice. I currently live in Lancs with my daughter,and have recently been granted I can move to Essex with my daughter.Now,I read these forums about dads that are terrible,mums moving away etc..but I'll tell you my situation.My ex is a Muslim,I converted bk in 2004,we had a daughter in 06,and I thought I could contain this life of being Muslim,but I felt suffocated,I really embraced everything,and tried my hardest,wore Islamic dress etc..in 2009,I could not continue,and left with my baby,got my own rented home,left financial security etc..cue a year of hell,turning up at my door,telling my daughter I am bad,I've ruined everyone's life,I spilt the family etc..etc..in 2010,I saw a solicitor,tried to sort contact etc..her dad went along with it,but was asking for full custody. In this time,I met a new partner who lives in Essex,who I and my daughter love so much,and him us.At the start of the year,my ex disappeared with my daughter,wouldn't answer phone all day,sent me a text saying,dont call,I'm having her,I call the shots,I was beside myself,as he had been abroad twice in 2011,"sorting things" he said,cut a long story short,in the evening,I went round,he was there,he wouldn't let me in,then when he did,grabbed hold of me to hit me,he didn't,but my girl witnessed it all,still remembers today even 😞cue 9 months court case,in which I've asked if could move to Essex,not just to be with my partner,but for better prospects,and it's something her father and I discussed,for when she got to school age,my daughter loves it there. Cafcasd did report,my daughter said she wanted to live with mummy,but still see daddy.court have now said I can go,I have said I will meet her father half way,to which he's refused,my daughter has a place in an outstanding school,one of the best,and she's excited! So,why oh why do I feel so guilty?! I just want to start my life,and my ex see my daughter,regularly,which he's said he isn't travelling.Should I feel guilty? Is if normal? Will it stop?!! Even when he's behaved badly?! The other day my daughter didn't want to go to see him,he shouted at her saying he was gonna take all her toys to charity shop,and don't bother coming to see him again! My head is really all over the place,I just want a fresh start! Please excuse this being so long! Had so much info for you to see the full picture! 😱Any help/advice welcome!

OP posts:
SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 18/11/2012 15:03

You have left an abusive man so I'm not surprised your emotions are all over the place. It sounds like an excellent move for your daughter and a much-needed fresh start for you. Counselling is an option worth exploring.

lisad123 · 18/11/2012 15:08

Please don't feel guilty,you have done nothing wrong and everything right.
Move and if he wants to see her he can make the effort.
No court will look at his behaviour favourable.
If he wants to take you to court, let him. BUT please check he doesn't have a passport for your dd

Petandzar · 19/11/2012 11:59

Thankyou ladies, I know a lot of his actions are because he was angry, and I get that, and I still feel guilty!! Sad

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Valdeeves · 24/11/2012 22:08

I totally agree with the passport comment - hide hers.

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