Invitations when you know someone can't attend..

[ShiftyFades]

DS recently had his birthday and a party (5days later, at the weekend)

Very good friend of mine has a DD who's party we attended a few months ago. At the end of her party (in a play area) I booked my DS's for the same venue.

So it was booked 2.5 months in advance.

Within a couple of weeks of booking it I was talking to my friend and mentioned the date of his party. She said that unfortunately they wouldn't be free as they were going on holiday. I mentioned that I could see about moving it to the weekend before but their holiday covered that weekend too.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and it became clear that she wouldn't get to see my DS before his birthday so she gave me his present so I could give it to him on his birthday. All good.

I haven't mentioned his party since our conversation 2.5 months ago, I saw no need, they are abroad on holiday.

DH posted pics of his party onto fb. She has come on this evening (still on holiday, returns this week) and posted: think we missed the invite.

WTF?!!!

Now I consider myself to be a thoughtful person. But this has bewildered me.
She either: can't recall out conversation and thinks we should have invited them (DD really) even though we knew she wouldn't be here (to be able to decline?) or: she might Ben think we should have postponed his party to be almost 2 weeks after so they could attend.

I think it's the former.

So, given that we had talked and she had already said "we can't make that date", should I have sent an invite purely so she could formally decline?

We are talking about a child's birthday party, not a wedding!!

She might even think^
Not Ben, I'm not sure who he is....

Anyone with advice?

Glad I'm not going mad.
I've replied (on fb), didn't send you one as you said you'd been on holiday when we discussed when you'd be able to see him.

Or words to that affect.

I think, what's annoyed me, is that she's chosen fb to make a stupid comment (and on my DH's photos!), I'd rather she waited until she was back and approached me directly if she thinks I've done something wrong.
DH put on fb: but you're on holiday!

She's made herself look silly imo.

Anyway, they are back some time today so I've popped thank you cards through their door, an anniversary card (the holiday is an annual anniversary celebration for them) and left a bottle of champagne on the doorstep.

Not sure what time they get back (I stalked checked flight arrivals and could only see late ones from their destination) so I don't think they are back yet.

I do find this whole thing odd though.

You'd BE in holiday ^

I would always send an invitation even when a person says they are unable to attend. It means that nobody feels unjustly left out.

Really? I would if her DC was old enough to read / understand, but she's not, she's a fair few years younger. If she was older, maybe I would, but not when she hasn't a clue.

I think when a child is too young to read it his/her self then I would still send it. My reasoning would be that the parent couldn't then become disgruntled when their child "isn't invited".

What happened in the end?

We have just been planning DS2's birthday party. I have sent invites to people we know can't make it so they know they are included. I think DH thinks it is a bit mad and no one cares about that sort of thing but I was taught that you never send invites to some intended guests and not others. Then no one can say they were left out etc unless of course they actually were! It removes any ambiguity.

No we did that for our wedding (elderly relatives who wouldn't have travelled but we wouldn't have not invited iyswim). But kids party, no!

We did for our LO's christening, but then again, we invited all relatives and friends because it's a ceremony and we knew a lot of them would want to welcome him even if they couldn't come. I sent invites to friends abroad when I knew they couldn't come. I certainly won't be for any birthday parties though! It's ridiculous! She's already said they were away. Perhaps you should have mentioned it more recently though, she sounds like an insecure friend who needs reminders that she's valued but that's not your fault.

Ha if you left champagne on my doorstep whilst I was out I can pretty much guarantee it wouldn't be there when I got back!!

I always think that you should send an invitation if you want someone to come to an event (even if you're sure they won't be able to come) and leave it to them to decide whether or not they can come. however if you've already had a conversation with them and they've said theu won't be able to make it, i would take that as a verbal invitation which was declined. So the op isn't bu

Agree with previous poster. something along the lines of hope you had a fab holiday, didn't send invite as knew you were away. some people are so sensitive. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it (actually I probably would, but you shouldn't )