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Original poster

Boyfriend or Job?

40 replies

Ferngirl · 09/11/2012 15:27

Hi,

This is my first post so I apologise if I get it wrong! I'm also dyslexic so I'm afraid you will have to grin and bare my shitty grammar or ridiculous spellings! I will do my best though.

I'm 23 years old and live with my partner of nearly 6 years. We live in a quite part of the world and after two years of fighting live in a great 2 bed house with garden. We both work full time and have both been with our employers for 2+ years. Neither of our jobs are practically well paid but we are young and get by. We also have two dogs, but they are mine really :) We have been having some problems in the last 2 years, nothing major. In my heart of hearts I don't think we are forever, I think we are turning into friends. I do love him.

I am extremely keen to progress with my company and am getting close to moving up a level. My partner is doing okay and getting some qualifications under his belt.

My boss has just been promoted and is relocating. She has unofficially asked me if I would go with her although not immediately. Tbh I'm still in shock she even asked, I'm extremely flattered and feeling pretty good about myself . My immediate reaction was yes! The problem is I'm 99% sure my partner will not be up for moving...

My question us what would you do? Give up a fantastic opportunity for someone I'm not 100% sure about (it really pains me to say that). Or give it up and see what happens..

All I can think about is what would happen to the dogs if we split, I doubt I could afford a house on my own. It would have to be a rent a room job...

Sorry if it's a bit jumbled..

OP posts:

CharminglyOdd · 09/11/2012 19:56

Job. I moved 200 miles away from my DP for work in September and we are making it work somehow - he can't move his job at the moment. It's tough and we have had fights but at the same time I am reassured that, if it goes tits-up (not that I want that!), I will have a solid work foundation to support myself and the opportunities for promotions to secure my income rather than each being dependent on the other. In this climate you have to prioritise your job - I think the biggest lesson I have learned from MN is that you never know what the future holds.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 09/11/2012 19:58

Job.

The fact that you are even asking this says it should be so!

however, if you know that you are not forever with him, then definitely job!

BertieBotts · 09/11/2012 19:59

Job. If you're meant to be then he'll come too, you'll go long distance - or you'll part and that will be that.

Original poster

Ferngirl · 09/11/2012 20:05

me*

tribpot, that is a good quote.. I need to sail my boat.

We have done long distance before in our first year together when I was at uni. We both found it difficult and he wasn't particually trusting - I wouldn't do that again.

OP posts:

piglettsmummy · 11/11/2012 11:57

I spent 2 years with some one I knew I wasnt 100% about the feeling was mutual too! In the end we split up and are both much happier he has a new dp while I remain a single mum. I had a lot of 'missed opportunities that I now regret!!! Please go for the job!! If he truely loved you he would flow u anywhere in order for you to fufill ur dreams

CaptainSolo · 11/11/2012 12:26

Job absolutely. No question.

I am now with the boyfriend I was with at 23 and have two children. However there was a 12 year break in between. He asked me to marry him at 23 but I didn't feel it 'was forever' (although was devasted when we broke up and always felt I'd made a mistake) However wouldn't change a thing.

motherinferior · 11/11/2012 12:28

No-brainer. Job.

ditavonteesed · 11/11/2012 12:33

just to go against the grain, only joking, job.

msrisotto · 11/11/2012 12:33

Job, easy.
It kinda sounds like your relationship is fizzling out. If you stay in the same town, will you ever be able to get out of it? Both the town and the relationship. I think this would be a clean break for you to Not live a dead end life...

giraffecrossing · 17/11/2012 14:04

Listen, I started dating a guy when I was 17, and we were together for 5 years. I knew for a long time that he wasn't "the one" but let the relationship drag on for a long time as I didn't want to hurt him. I'm talking a good couple of years here. I think I treated the relationship like a marriage in that I felt we should be faithful etc. Looking back though I was far too young to be settled down like that. I missed opportunities because I put the relationship first. Eventually I plucked up the courage to end it. We are from a small town and I'm sure some people wondered why I'd left such a good guy. Like you I had worried about this too, and in actual fact no one was ever unpleasant towards me.
He still lives there and I live on the other side of the world. We wanted very different things out of life. Though I know people who have been together since there teens, I think it's very rare that your first serious relationship will be your last.

Nigglenaggle · 17/11/2012 21:42

As others have said, if youre asking the question, then the answer is job. How exciting, a brand new start for you!

Newbizmum · 01/12/2012 04:23

If boyfriend wants to constrain your personal development then this will be an ideal time to give him the heave ho. On he upside, he may prove to be the real deal.

RibenaFiend · 03/12/2012 16:06

JOB JOB JOB!!!

BikeRunSki · 03/12/2012 16:20

Job
When you have such a strong gut instinct, then follow it.
And what everyone else said.

CuttedUpPear · 03/12/2012 16:25

Job. Good luck to you, I hope you find your life is happy wherever you end up.

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