When parents smoke?

[ohcluttergotme]

My parents are so kind, loving & caring & adore my dc...but are chronic smokers.
I've asked them not to smoke around dc but they then say they smoke in kitchen which is off living room so basicly same room.
We're going to wedding in a couple of weeks & they've said they'll have dc which is amazing as they are great with them.
I just don't want them to be breathing in so much smoke. Dc went to stay 2 weeks ago & now has horrible chesty cough. Dd is 13 & for years had cough due to staying at my parents house. Ds is almost 3 & I don't want to put him thru it all.
My parents adore dc but my dm gets so so so defensive about smoking when you broach the subject.
Wwyd??

Honest answer? I would find other arrangements for the wedding.
Obviously you don't want your kids to miss out on a loving relationship with their grandparents, but I would focus it on invitations to your house, where you can control what they do, or going out for the day.
Even if the grandparents are of an age when the health risks weren't widely publicised when they took it up, there is simply no excuse for not being aware now. I wouldn't want to spend the day with someone smoking in an interconnected room, quite apart from the health issue it bloody reeks and your kids must come home with clothes and hair smelling.

It's depressing for you that they can't give up or at least smoke in their garden. But I would really put my foot down on this one

I would find other arrangements. I'm afraid that smoking around children is an absolute deal-breaker for me. Not sure how I would broach this with the smoker though!

Can they not stay at yours? You can set the rules then as in their house I guess u can't tell them what to do :( I had such a similar situation and sadly my MIL hardly sees the kids now cos I can't take them round as I can't have my asthmatic dd sleeping in a smoky house and dd2 has never even been. We were supposed to go round one Xmas but had to refuse as my dd2 was merely a month old and had been In hospital with breathing difficulties. I don't think she has forgiven me for that tbh. But health of the dc comes first and if the smoke is affecting your children then either u will have to ask the grand parents to stay at yours, find someone else or not go. It's so hard I know but asthma can last a lifetime and is so restricting during flare ups. Would you forgive yourself if your dc developed it as a result? X

Thanks for comments, it's so hard knowing what is the right thing to do as dp's love us and dc and know they would be so hurt if we stopped taking them also dp's help us out if we're struggling financially so feel like I'm being a bit harsh as on one hand will gladly accept money but on the other don't want to leave dc in they're care. But janey68 you're right in that when we pick dc up they reek from head to toe of smoke and even spare clothes that I've packed for ds that then have not been worn and have remained in his bag stink I totally get what your saying Asmywhimsytakesme which is what makes it so difficult as my dd has such a close, loving relationship with dgp's and it's not the actual smoking that I have issue with it's the amount and the fact they won't go out to smoke in they're back garden. I think I may have to look for someone else but agree Bluestocking that it will be so awkward to bring up, I'll probably just make up an excuse rather than the truth I could ask them if they could stay at ours Where'smycaffeinedrip but pretty much know the answer will be no as my dm hates staying anywhere but her own house which is probably tied in with her addiction to nicotine But you're right and I absolutely wouldn't want to put my dc at risk. Dc went to say 2 weeks ago and ds still has chesty cough. It's so hard as my dm becomes so definsive if you ever broach the subject and has every possible excuse and reason and her life not mine but do feel I have to make the right choices for dc

It's hard but please dont make the mistake I did. There's asthma history on both sides of the family so may well have got it anyway. But my dd started getting coughs from 5m when I went back to work and she was cared for at dmil house. Despite repeated attempts to ask her to smoke outside the situation always went back to how it was before with her and all her friends who popped by at regular intervals all with Fags smoking in the kitchen with dd in the next room. Even after two hospital admissions with her chest she still
confined to carry on. Even when family visited and my daughter ( was
fine in morning ) by afternoon dd had beginnings of a nasty chest infection and they left her asleep on lounge floor just feet from an open kitchen door where they had been smoking so much my eyes stung walking thru. Biggest mistake ever and my dd will suffer for life now as a result. If they care that much they will visit at yours ! If they can leave house to buy Fags they can leave to come to yours. Sadly my MIL hadn't been to my house in probably a year. :(

thanks Wheresmycaffeinedrip I've decided that I really don't want dc staying there and breathing in so much smoke (they really are bad smokers and smoke in their room, kitchen, living room) So we have decided that I'm going to wedding all day (was always the plan) and dh will put ds to bed, settle dd with dvd & pizza and come meet me for a couple of hours. dd is 13 and a bit and ds is great sleeper. Would feel better doing this than triggering both they'e coughs and mb worse.

It's really difficult isn't it. My ILs smoke like your parents. They never go anywhere except their own house because of their addiction. I've left DC there for half days but I don't like it. I'm being out under pressure to let them have DC all day and overnight

My mil keeps asking to take dd1 and I feel such a bitch saying no but I've tried so hard everything I can think of to try and keep my dd healthy and have her chest clear and with school I just cannot risk a flare up through someone else's selfishness and stupidity. :(

I'm sorry but I don't think occasional visits to a smokers house gives a child asthma.

It might make a DC that already has it worse, but I doubt it causes it in the first place.

Living with parents who smoke might and it certainly makes it can make it worse.

My DDad chain smoked and neither me or my sister is asthmatic. Many of my friends parents smoked and I can't think of any who had asthma.

My DDs are older 11-14 and I wouldn't have thought of not visiting home when they were small. Not that I liked the smell DDad put me off the disgusting things for life (and my life would have been very short if he'd caught me smoking).

He's given up now, had pneumonia and decided he wanted to see his GDs grow up.

If he still smoked, I'd still visit, I love him.

Asthma is inflamation and irritation of the air way. It can be induced by many things allergies, exercise, triggers such as dust smoke paint fumes etc. It can develop any time any age. So yes one visit too many to a smoky house could be all that's needed. And depending on the sensitivity of the child it could be the first time or the tenth time or the one hundredth time. Just cos others chain smoke and r not asthmatic doesn't mean an overnight stay won't affect others.

Completely agree with you starttail that I don't want to deprive my dc of a close & loving relationship with they're dgp's but also don't want to cause unnecessary health risks. My dp's take smoking to a disgusting & completely addicted level. When we get Christmas presents & open them up the wrapping paper & present inside stinks of smoke, absolutely everything. I completely won't stop taking dc over for visits but have decided don't want them staying anymore as not fair to make them breath in smoke all night. Thanks for advice wheresmycaffeine really appreciate it and agree its not fair to take the risk with dc's health

Glad you made a decision :)

Yep wheresmycaffeine me too & now dbro has offered to have dc on the night so don't have to worry about leaving dtoddler one with dteenage one!

:) that's great