Friend Being Bullied

[Qualcast]

Hi all, I'm a regular but have (hopefully) name changed for this.

A friend and colleague confided in me that she is being bullied by her boss, from what she's said it's quite bad and has been going on for a long time - over a year. She has reported it to the next boss up (as per company policy) but that person is quite friendly with the bully and has effectively said they want to stay out of it. So my friend went to the next level up, and THAT person basically said it had to be sorted out at the lower level, and has done nothing.

My friend is getting to the end of her tether. She called in a couple of days ago and said she couldn't face going to work and would be staying home, to which she was told that if she did it would be reported as an unauthorised absence (ie could be disciplinary), so she went to work anyway. She is afraid that if she tries to do anything else she will be fired. Apparently other people in the office have noticed odd behaviour from the bully, and are worried about my friend, but nobody seems to know what to do.

I have spoken to our HR department (anonymously) but they have basically said they're pretty powerless unless my friend (or somebody else) formally reports it, though they have given me some legal advice and some numbers to call for further advice. I don't know what to do next. Part of me thinks I should report it - my friend will be pretty upset and will probably never trust me again, but I'm really worried about her state of mind (she mentioned taking an overdose, though more as in "it's crossed my mind" rather than "I'm going to do it".) On the other hand I worry that if I reported it she would panic and deny anything was happening, for fear of repercussions.

What do I do?

How about gently pointing your friend in the direction of the HR department? Say that you've heard they are really helpful and offer good advice. Then hopefully they will give her the same tips as they gave you.

If she is this badly affected she needs to get down to her GP, explain the situation and get herself signed off sick with stress for a minimum of 4 weeks.

No further explanation is needed. The GP can also write a recommendation that she only contacts someone she trusts/likes in the HR department.

Nothing makes a HR department/senior manager sit up and take notice like a sick note with that title believe me.

Then, out of that environment she can decide with a clear head what she wants to do - look for another job, take some official action, see CAB etc

Has she been documenting evidence? Keeping copies of abusive emails, logs of conversations? Is it happening to anyone else? Witnesses?

Oooooh I am so angry on her behalf. I am a manager of a team of 10. Staff need to be empowered and supported to do their work confidently. What a sad insecure wanker of a manager and company.

Big unMN hugs to her, and you her supportive mate. X

Thanks guys, I had suggested HR but she was worried it would make things worse (I think these worries are unfounded but she's not thinking clearly at the moment).

Myinnergoddess I hadn't thought of the GP, I will suggest that to her today. She has a written record of everything going back to June last year, and I think it also includes written notes from other team members expressing concern, so the manager really doesn't have a leg to stand on. Sadly my friend's confidence is now shattered so she's been afraid to produce it. I understand the same manager did this to another staff member some years ago, but that person managed to get a job in another department (still in the same company though)

Thanks again all, she was very distressed yesterday - hopefully she'll be feeling calmer today.

Get her to phone ACAS for excellent and free advice