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7 replies

Dee1980 · 26/07/2012 19:45

I am a single mother to a 6 and a half year old boy. Myself and his father split up pretty much when i found out i was pregnant and his father didnt want to know until i was about 7 months pregnant and he slowly came round to the idea that we were having a baby. After my son was born he stuck around for 2 years mainly doing his 'duty' as a father albeit pushed by myself. Anyway after 2 years he decided that he didnt want anything more to do with me or my son and walked out of our lives. It's been 4 and half years since we saw him last and i had to start claiming money via the CSA as he started playing silly buggers with the payments he used to give me for our son. anyway about a year ago i found out via the CSA that he had gone and had another child as my payments went down and the letter from the CSA stated that his payments were to be split between 2 children so i worked it out.

It hasnt bugged me until recently but i would really like to find out information about my son's half sibling but have no idea how to go about it? I'm concious that one day i'm going to have to sit my son down and say that he has a sibling out there but dont want to confuse him by not having any information on them.

Me and his father have mutual friends that we know and i managed to find out that it was a girl who was born around 2008/2009 but thats all the information i know. I really would like to find out more about them for my son's sake and if possible for them to have some kind of relationship regardless if his father is around or not. I heard that he doesnt have anything to do with the other child either but this is all hear say at the moment and really want to know a way i can go about accessing that information. If anyone has any ideas i would greatley appreciate them as i dont want my son growing up and finding out another way and knowing i had this information and didnt tell him.

OP posts:
OlymPicture · 26/07/2012 20:53

Could you ask his parents / siblings? Presumably they would want to play a part in their GCs lives?

Dee1980 · 31/07/2012 06:13

Hi Olympicture,

Thanks for your suggestion but unfortunately his mother has nothing to do with my son either! Or his siblings. They have a very different family dynamic to me and my family and there are a lot of issues between them and I think my son father has learnt the art of abandonment from his own parents!

OP posts:
Tamisara · 31/07/2012 11:26

I'm not really sure that you can do anything, if your ex doesn't give you any information.

When I was with DS's dad, he confessed that he had a daughter, that he'd never seen. I knew what the woman looked like, as she walked past us once & said to my ex "don't you want to know about your DD?" This was how I found out about her. DS wasn't even born at that point.

I never saw her again, until DS was about 5 years old, and we were at a concert of Keanu Reeves's band. I recognised her, and talked to her. But she wasn't keen for our DCs to meet :(

Ex has at times denied he is the father of the girl (who must be about 24 by now), and I've never seen the mother since.

My biggest fear was that DS might meet his half-sister, and fall in love with her.

Sorry it's no help. It's a noble thing to want to do, and I hope that you find a way. But it's very hard with feckless fathers.

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ZillionChocolate · 31/07/2012 12:02

No idea I'm afraid. With the limited info you have, I would have thought that only your Ex and the CSA would be in a position to tell you. I don't expect the CSA will give you their details, but I suppose there's no harm in checking whether they would pass on yours?

diddiehunter · 31/07/2012 12:11

As a child from.a similar situation... My mother has always been honest with me from as far back as i can remember. Shes always told me my natural father is out there,that theres other kids that are my step siblings.
Though she had tried in the past to try and form a relationship between myself and my NF, its never happened and now my mum.is remarried and my step dad is my dad as far as im concerned,souch so im adopted by him.now.
Through my mums honesty and openness about her relationships failings and the messy divorce,the court hearings,the lack of payments, i know there are others who r related to me but i dnt care, i dnt blame my mum at all that she cant tell me about them,she was so honest with me and answered my questions so well that iv accepted it and moved on!

Dee1980 · 01/08/2012 20:42

@diddehunter thank you for your post but my fear is not how my son will react as i will always be upfront and honest with him it's that one day he could meet his sister and start a relationship with her, or that he is somehow hurt by the fact that he has never met his sister. I am fortuante enough to know who all my half siblings are and my son is very much like me and ask's daily for a brother or sister so i know he would be pleased to know he has a sister and it be nice to tell him a little bit about her if i could.

OP posts:
diddiehunter · 03/08/2012 13:38

What r the chances of this happening??? The relationship aspect i mean. I understand the fear but i think that its unlikely,plus,that gives way to allsorts of thinking on that level...could you be related to ur own partner???? Could i be??? All it would take is a lie and bobs ur uncle ( or not....)a whole family, only step in relation!!
as for kniwing them, in an ideal world yes,that would b great and i do hope u succeed for ur sons sake. Smile

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