to tell or not...

[SarfEasticated]

my dd is nearly 5, and we have always been honest with her about divorce/death etc, and she has taken it all in her stride. now my brother and his wife are separating, our neighbour is in hospital with a tumour and we have some relatives visiting with their adopted son. there were always lots of secrets when i was growing up which made be feel very uncomfortable, and i feel disloyal not telling her from outset. what would you do?

Gosh that is alot of information for a 5 year old!

Its not a secret if you answer any questions she asks, but does she really need to know the nitty gritty about tumours?
(unless she asks)

You're not being disloyal by not telling her. Answer her questions in a age appropriate way, if and when she asks. A big sit down, explaining all isn't the way to go in my opinion. Too much for a 5year old to take in.

i relieved to hear that! i'll wait until she asks. thanks :)

I think the important thing is to answer honestly if she asks, and to not avoid telling her things if they would naturally come up in conversation. But that's a lot of stuff for a 5yo to take on board.

If she asks about the neighbour, he/she is "not well" and in hospital where they are trying to help her. But she doesn't need to know about tumours.

If she sees your brother then she'll probably start noticing that his wife isn't there, so if she mentions it you can say that they aren't living together any more because they are happier that way. You don't need to explain about complicated relationship problems.

The adopted son - it depends if it comes up in conversation, but I'd guess it won't. But at some stage it might, and you can say what adopted means - maybe something you'll talk about when you explain where babies come from?