I am really worried about my best friend and am looking for some advice about how I can help.
A bit of background: She emigrated a couple of years ago to the other side of the world with her very difficult husband. He makes it clear that the house and child care is her responsibility and does nothing to support her (except finacially as he earns more than her). Her first DD is 4 and her second DD is 1 month.
DD1 is EXTREMELY difficult. She was a delight before she emigrated, very bright and bubbly and interested in everything but really well behaved too. When I went to see them about a year after they emigrated I was shocked by the change in DD1. She was demanding, refused to do anything for her Mum, defiant and basically was allowed to get away with murder. My friend and her husband gave idol threats all the time and basically let her get away with anything. They also let her eat anything she wanted which I don't think helped as she often seemed to be hyped up on sugar. This is completely different to what my friend was like before she left UK. While in the UK she gave DD1 boundaries and simple rules (she was only 2) and made her lovely home made food. When I went to stay I found it very difficult as DD1 was so tricky and would throw massive strops when I told her to do something (usually things to do with her safety e.g. jumping off the middle of a slide etc).
My friend has just had DD1's first school report and is distraught. She knew DD1 was struggling a bit with her wriitng but her report was quite daming. She went into the school and the teacher did she was very behind for her age/stage of school. She can't hold a pencil for more than a second or two (or won't), she only recognises her first name and no other letters or words. She was so bright as a toddler so this seems strange. She is very bright verbally. As an ex teacher I have advised her about fun things she can do to help her learn her letters and sounds etc but I get the impression that my friend finds it too difficult to do anything with her DD1 as she always turns it into a fight. Plus on top of this she now has a 1 month old baby.
My friend skyped me at the end of her tether, she was in tears and looked absolutely shattered and broken. She said her 1 month old is a dream and really easy going but DD1 is being an absolute nightmare. She does say DD1 is really good with the baby though although like everything else she lacks concentration so will concentrate on her sister for a couple of seconds then go and do something else for a couple of seconds before getting bored and scream/cry/demand.
I just don't know what to do. My friend asked for behaviour advice which I gave her about 6 months ago but by the sound of it she just isn't sticking to anything consistently. I wish I could do more but I am at the other side of the world. I have sent flowers, am there for her on skype and phone, email etc but what else can I do. I kind of feel it's down to her now to actually be firm with DD1 as she just lets her get away with things but I do feel sorry for her as she is clearly broken.
Help!