Blood & bone marrow donation - would you lie to donate if you knew it was safe?

[ecuse]

Short version: I really want to give blood and bone marrow. I'm disqualified from donating on a technicality, but I know I don't have HIV. Should I lie in order to donate?

Longer version: I am disqualified by the protocol which asks whether I've had sex (protected or not) within the last 12 months with a man who has EVER had sex with another man (protected or not).

My male DP had experimental teenage anal and oral sex with his male friend. In addition to this, just before I met him in his late 20s (some 8 years ago) he went to a sex party and had some sort of orgy type scenario with lots of people, including some men. I know he had oral sex with one or more men, but not sure whether penetrative. Doesn't actually make a difference for the rules anyway. I have been with him for 7 years and we have been having sex with without a condom with for most of them (pill, coil or TTC for most of it). Before we started having sex without a condom we both had negative HIV tests. I have since been HIV tested when pregnant a couple of years ago, and still all clear. But as long as I'm with him, which I dearly hope is forever, I'm disqualified from giving blood and bone marrow even though I know my blood is safe.

Of course the possibility exists that he could cheat on me, contract HIV, and infect me without my knowledge but that's true of anyone anywhere and is nothing to do with whether or not he's ever had sex with a man. And is not mentioned in the qualification criteria for blood donation anyway (rant: neither does it ask if I've had unprotected sex so I could have been shagging everyone and anyone without a condom and be eligible to give blood but have sex once with one man who has ever had sex with another man even if everyone used condoms and you're disqualified).

So I know that neither he nor I have HIV, and that they screen every donation for HIV anyway. Am sorely tempted to just go along and not mention that my other half shagged a bloke when he was younger. No harm would be done, and someone might have blood or bone marrow that needed it. But it would be lying. WWYD?

No, I wouldn't lie.

I understand your frustrations but I wouldn't lie either.

Thanks. Do you mind if I ask - because it's wrong to lie or because you think I'm underestimating the risk of donating?

I thought gay men could now donate if they have not had penetrative sex with another man in the last 12 months hope link works
So I don't understand why the equivalent isn't the case also?

It seems to me if they can safely accept donations after a 12 month deferral from a bloke, surely they can safely accept a donation from any of his subsequent female sexual partners as well?

Anyway I would have thought the major risk would actually be from someone who had multiple partners as far less likely to know the sexual history of each one.

I don't think I'd lie, but they test the blood for HIV amongst many other things.

Every time I fill in the questionnaire for giving blood I wonder about this one.

If a man is less than honest about his sexual history, or if you haven't asked the questions, how would you know - and how would he appreciate its relevance if he wasn't aware of the reason for needing the information?

If I were you, I'd be absolutely honest on the form, but when you're interviewed before your donation, mention what you've told us and the professionals can make the decision for you.

Grumpla - yes, it's completely ridiculous. My partner can give blood under the revised rules because it's over 12 months since he shagged a bloke but I can't give blood because I've shagged him within 12 months

Flooded - I wouldn't in a million years if I thought I was actually putting anyone at risk. I accept my partner's behavior puts us both in a higher statistical risk category but neither of us have HIV as a result of it.

That being said, consensus seems to be no, so I guess I won't.

I think the rule is ambiguous and as you've just said your DP could give blood, you are a further step removed and of course it seems that you should.

it says
You should not give blood for 12 months after sex with:
A man (if you?re a male). Men who have had anal or oral sex with another man (with or without a condom) are deferred from blood donation for 12 months. For more information click here.
A man who has had sex with another man (if you're a female).

I think that they have missed out "also within the last 12 months" from the second line. The point is that the diagnostic that they put the blood through won't pick up early stage virus.
I think you are fine to donate. It would be counterintuitive for DP to be ok but you not.

Have you contacted the donation people and asked them?

I haven't actually, but good advice, I shall. I assume they will stand by their guidelines, but it couldn't hurt to ask. Thanks, all!

If they are guidelines rather than rules though, it may be that you are fine. It may even be that they have missed out the "12 months" part.

Good point. I will def ring them. But not from work. "Can I give blood even though my other half was in an orgy a few years ago" is not really the professional note I'm aiming to strike post mat-leave

I can't imagine why...!

Just an update - spoke to them on the helpline. They said the guidelines are right but that if my partner would come with me and we would both agree to an HIV test before donation then I could give blood. Yay! Now to get around his fear of needles....

He's fine with orgys but scared of a tiny needle?!?

Good news that you can donate.

I know, right?

But it's not just HIV. It's whatever the next blood borne disease is. Such diseases are more transmissable for gay male sex. My good friend, who died from hepatitis he contracted from a transfusion, spent 20 years campaigning for blood safety. We had lots of arguments, but he finally convinced me.

I am very glad you decided to be honest.

It still makes no sense that he can donate provided he hasn't had sex with a man for 12 months but you can't because you have had sex with him full stop