Extended Family holiday

[thegingerone]

I'll try to keep this short (and clear!)

In a few weeks time familyginger are going on hols with DH's family. DSIL is due dc2 so is very unlikely to join us. DH's brother (for clarity of realationships!) may join us and dash back if needed or may not come at all. All ILs live near one another. We don't and see them occassionally.

The WWYD bit is that following conversation with DSIL I'm not sure whether we should offer to take DN. I think DSIL was kinda giving me the chance to offer but I'm not sure I'm in a position to do so. DSIL said MIL hasn't offered to take her GC (She has taken mine in past-tricky) I've got an 8mo and two bigger ones (9 and 6) I said (when dsil mentioned she thought it a bit much to expect me with three already), that it'd be fine for dn to be with us. I have to be honest though I'm not actually sure it would be fair on any of the kids ie my two big ones are way past the toddler stage and my little one isn't there yet so I'm not sure how good I would be with a toddler plus a baby !
I'm more than happy to help but I think MIL will feel she has to help out if I offer and I feel if the ball is currently in her court regards that. I think one bug bear for mil is that dbil isn't attempting to ask but has had a few conversations with his mum that hints at his expectation!

To summerise my WWYD is whether I'm in a position to offer or whether it needs to be MIL with me helping her!

Sorry missing vital info

She's three. Not exactly toddler but needing more "looking after" than a nine year old and more capable of escape than an 8mo!

I said I was fine helping out a bit (ie if DBIL had to go back and left DN) but that as we won't be the ones taking her on hols as we'll be coming from a diff direction it was up to MIL to be happy to "take her on hols". TBH it was a rather awkward conversation. Had I been asked directly I could have given proper answers but it was all a bit vague and wishy washy. I'm also quite happy to phone SIL up and tell her I've been thinking about it and XYand z are my thoughts.

At the time I felt I SHOULD be offering but didn't really. Now I'm thinking that I can't honestly say I'll be able to look after her child solely. It's MIL thats paying for this hol so I feel it's her decision how this plays out.

Back from picking my biggies up.
Part of me thinks I need to leave this between MIL and BIL and offer to help MIL out if she offers but I feel that I'm being asked to offer. SIL keeps mentioning how much DN "adores" DH!! I think having responsibility for DN would be knackering and I'm not sure if a/ been asked to take her for a week is a reasonable request or if b/ pondering on NOT offering to take her is mean and selfish of me?

Do I butt out ?

Agree that if DN was 8 or 9 it'd be no question. She'd just hang out with our lot. At three she needs proper looking after. Also it's differant when it's someone else's three year old. My kids gradually became three iykwim. It's a bit deep end when I've got a baby. I'd love to help but not sure I can deliver the required level of help!
Arrghhhh! The more I think about this the more I feel it is really between MIL and BIL/SIL. If someone would just ask the question directly it would be sooooo much easier. The conversation I had could have been read as SIL having a moan about MIL not offering or as SIL hinting that she wanted help. I know where SIL is coming from though about wanting to sort out DN's whereabouts for the potential birth. I was like a mad woman while I was pg thinking about diff scenarios for who'd keep an eye on my kids. Also aware of fact that MIL has taken my kids on hols without us (school hol cover!) quite a few times and there's two of them and she's done it for years.

I DO need to butt out. Don't I?

Ginger did you decide what to do? I thought your SIL was pushing it a but and preying in your good nature. Just say no. Unless they can come out and ask a straightforward favour then dont let them coerce you into taking a 3 year old away in top if your other kids sounds like a lot if work!

I spoke to MIL who spoke to DBIL and they've sorted it all out. BIL is coming on hols with DN and we'll all help out if needs be.

I think this is fairer to DN as much as rest of us. Not sure a three year old wants to be away from parents for a whole week!

I'm relieved that it's sorted for SIL and pleased that I've not promised myself to something that isn't possible.