Several months after meeting my partner he admitted to me that his first marriage (with one child) broke down as he was addicted to gambling and had got himself into debt. I appreciated that he was honest with me about his past.
After we moved in together, his mother passed away relatively suddenly and left behind a little under £10,000. I returned home from work one evening unusually before him and found a summons to court for unpaid Council Tax, in my name. At that time I paid the rent and he paid the bills. We both did food shopping. When he returned home he admitted not only that he had not paid the Council Tax, but also that his mother?s money had come through (I didn?t know this) and he had gambled it all online on racehorses over a period of four days.
My partner had a difficult/abusive childhood and his mother?s passing caused many of these feelings to resurface, he explained to me that the gambling was a reaction to not being able to grieve properly. I found out too that he had been using ?phone lines? at the same time and he explained this as being ?escapism? to help him deal with what he had done (i.e. the gambling).
After many painful conversations and a great deal of hurt, I decided to stay with him. He is the type of man who would generally do ?anything for anyone? but gambling is a huge flaw for him. He agreed to pay 75% of his salary into my bank account, to bar himself from the online gambling sites he used, to attend Gambler?s Anonymous and to attend bereavement counselling.
Fast forward nearly two years and we now have baby boy. Money is much tighter than it previously was as I am now on maternity leave (SSP). We returned home from our first holiday together as a family and on the way home something struck me as not being right. He had told me he lost his card (with 25% of his monthly wages on) halfway through the holiday so we were using mine to access funds, etc. I told him that I didn?t believe the card was lost and after lying for 5 hours, he admitted to having gambled what was left in his account (and therefore pretending to lose the card) when I told him I wanted to see his recent transactions.
I am devastated that he has let me down again and now our son too. Due to his childhood he has very little contact with his father and no other ?blood? family. He has cried, apologised and told me he will transfer all of his wages to my bank account each month? but I don?t know if I can stay in a relationship with a man I cannot trust or have to ?parent?. I also fear that resentment would breed, before this episode he would occasionally comment about how I have all ?control? in our relationship because I keep hold of the majority of our money.
Thank you for anyone who has had the patience to read this and thank you even more so if you are able to offer any advice. I just don?t know what to do.