do I accept the money?

[pleasetryanothername]

Have namechanged as this will out me to anyone in RL who knows me. And I realise that this is very much a 1st world problem, but I'm, torn so would like others opinions.

I recently had a big fall out with my DB after he withdrew a huge sum of money from our business (owned equally by us and our parents).

I no longer have anything to do with him, mostly for this reason, but also becasue we've never got on, I don't think he's a nice person and this whole money issue got me so stressed and upset I decided it was easier to have no contact with him. Despite our business interests, this is not really difficult.

My parents have also given him large sums of money in the past (in fact they remortgaged their house for him), the total sum (from my parents and the money he took from the business) is well over £100,000.

My dparents have now offered me the money to go on a massive once-in-lifetime holiday, which dh and I have been saving for for 18 months. We're planning to go next year, and should just about have enough, although the last bit will probably be on a credit card. My parents would not want the money repaid.

So do I accept the money?

YES:

It would mean we could stop saving like crazy and enjoy ourselves a bit more

We could have our holiday, and add an extra stop or two to visit other friends, which I really want to do

It's a really kind and generous offer and I think it might make my parents feel a bit better about the money they've given to db over the years.

NO:

It's maybe 5% of the money my db has had over the years, not that I'm expecting them to remortgage their house or anything, (in fact they offered, I declined)

I feel my parents expect this money to solve the problems between me and my db, which it won't do.

I like being self-sufficient. I don't like taking handouts, I prefer to work for the money I have.

I kind of like it here on my moral highground

So what should I do? I realise that I may come across as a spoilt brat, I'm not, honestly, me and dh work very hard and have been planning this trip for a couple of years. Although I will admit to squabbling like a 5 year old with my db whenever we're in the same room together for more than 10 minutes.

Take the money life is so short- enjoy yourself x

I would talk to your parents and tell them that whilst it is incredibly kind of them to make this offer you have to tell them that it will not change things between yourself and your DB. If they still want to do it then accept it gratefully. It may make them happy to have contributed to something which they know you dearly want, i.e. your trip.

I too like the moral highground which I occupy over my DB but would not look a gifthorse in the mouth

Take the money. Your parents want to give you a gift. You've not asked for it. It will give them pleasure for you to receive it graciously.
I lost my parents many years ago now, but they were still with us when mine were tiny, and would always try and treat us to little things when we were together (from ice-creams to entrance fees, to the odd pack of nappies). They knew money was tight for us, as it had been tight for them when they were at this stage. They had got to an age where they realised they had been 'saving for a rainy day' for all their lives, and there was going to be a lot less of their life in front of them than behind. They wanted to spend that money to help us out. They took a huge amount of pleasure in being able to buy odds and ends for us, even though I felt I should stand on my own feet, as dh and I had made concious decsions about him bing at college, and us knowing it would be tough financially for those years - I didn't want anyone to subsidise us.
My dc are older now - OK, teens not adults yet - but I've been thinking a lot about life recently (Cancer diagnosis - makes you do that), and realised I too am "sensible" with money, but that, actually, there comes a time when you think.... "What am I saving for exactly". Maybe your parents have reached that point - they'd rather see you relaxing and enjoying something special to you now, than keep their money until they pass away, when, in all likelihood you'll get 1/2 of it anyhow?

Sorry a bit long!

It's fair enough to accept the money so long asit's not so much that your parents will not have to reduce their quality of lifestyle because of it.

If you are being given a significant sum though, I would just use a small portion for a more modest non-once-in-a-lifetime holiday and use the rest for something with a longer-lasting beneficial effect. A year after a holiday, all you've got to show for it are the photos.

If you are sure that your parents can afford it, take the money. The moral high ground is a good place to be, but it's not as much fun as a trip of a lifetime.

you know your parents and how this is likely to be played out in the future - think that over and then make your decision

i have a similar relationship with my sibling and i too enjoy the moral h g - i really would'nt want to be bought off iyswim