My feed

to access all these features

Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.


Should I let Ex see DD?

4 replies

Dbs1722 · 16/06/2012 15:27

I've recently split with my DH and we have a 5y old DD. He has been convicted of accessing child porn in the past but I believed his lies about accessing it accidentally (which the police inform me IS possible but they can tell how often its been viewed - it was viewed lots and lots in the past as i have now read all the documentation from his last conviction). I recently found out that he has accessed this stuff again!!! I don't believe any of the rubbish he's led me to believe in the past and currently have a court order to prevent him from seeing DD. However, I am in court again in the next few weeks and he will fight to start up access again - it was supervised initially. MIL says that all research says that children having access to both parents is always in their best interest (yes, even when the father is a paeodophile according to her!) I hate what he's done and is doing (we split because I discovered he was having an affair with a MUCH younger woman - I wasn't aware that he'd been accessing child porn at the time so his new woman (not sure she's old enough to be described as that!) actually did me a favour. Police are investigating but because there is a court order in place to keep DD safe the case is not viewed as top priority so they could take months to fully analyse the hard drive. Incidentally, he is cross with me because I wouldn't go against the court order to let him see DD on Father's day!!!! Him, cross with me!!!
I have said that I would be happy for a SUITABLE femail supervisor to supervise (a social worker or some other professional person) but I'm beginning to think that this is not a good idea! Don't know what to do although I think the judge will push for some kind of contact as he's not even been arrested (new legislation apparetly means that, as he went willingly when they turned up to confiscate his computers, they couldn't arrest him!!) He's only been questioned under caution!

OP posts:
Meglet · 16/06/2012 15:37

No. Never in a million years would I allow it. Not even supervised contact. IMO he's well and truly lost his right to be called a parent and you and your DD are well away from him.

Dbs1722 · 16/06/2012 17:17

Thanks Meglet. My heart says that you're absolutely right but does anyone know if there has been any research into children continuing access with parents when there needs to be supervision for the safety of the child? Is it harmful? I know that in normal circumstances, it is considered best to keep a relationship with both parents but these are not normal circumstances. MIL was so adamant that research has proved that it's the best even in cases like this!! I really would like to be able to come up with some kind of quote or other such thing to show her that she's talking from the point of view of a mother who loves their son and can't see that he's a monster who poses a risk to her granddaughter.

OP posts:
flagnogbagnog · 16/06/2012 17:27

Just wanted to add there is no way I would allow access. I would fight it every step of the way.

Dbs1722 · 16/06/2012 17:45

Thanks flagnogbagnog (fab nickname btw!) I'm not sure I'll have much choice - the judge who's dealing with it is not known for being predictable with his judgements, although CAFCAS will be in court this time so hopefully that'll help. I also have a fantastic barrister who only deals with children's cases so is very knowlegable and experienced.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.