Not sure that elderly ILs should relocate....do I keep my mouth shut??

[mischiefmummy]

My Ils are planning to move up north to be closer to my DP's brother and his wife. Initially the idea was for them to help with childcare, as both BIL and SIL work full-time, however, my MIL sees it more that they will have support should she get infirm later on in life. Both are mid 70s.

I don't get on with BIL and SIL (long story but we no longer speak) however prior to that my SIL told me that she would have no hesitation in putting FIL in a home should he survive MIL. He is a difficult character anyway, taciturn and lacking in social graces, and already quite disabled and reliant on MIL, however I feel it would be fair that this should be explained to them before they sell up and move away from where they have lived all their married life (and for my MIL, all her life!)

They are both very quiet people, who find it hard to make friends, and they lack social graces ie pleases, thank yous etc. They have very few interests beyond church (MIL) and singing (FIL)

Both BIL and SIL are very organised and very busy, and whilst they seem to think this is the perfect solution for all I don't think any of the parties have realised how isolated ILs will be and how reliant on BIL and SIL they will become. At least at the moment they have friends from church and the choir.

I have explained all this to DP and suggested he talk to his parents however he's always struggled to discuss anything with them so I can't see it happening.

I have first hand experience of three generation living with particularly difficult grandparents and my parents almost divorced.

So, do I keep shtum, or stick my neck out and tell ILs?

Thanks for reading so far.

from working with elderly people I come across lots who move later on in life to be near family. Sometimes it works well sometimes it doesn't.
I think some have the expectation that they will be at the centre of their families lives and are upset when they aren't.
If they have a social life where they are and they find it difficult making new friends then I would be tempted to say think carefully about the move. Having others outside the family is very important as family may be working etc.

The plan is for two people in their 70s, one of whom is disabled, to "help out with childcare"?

What kind of help are your BIL and SIL expecting?0

The idea is that MIL will collect from school and possibly nursery. Provide snacks etc until children are picked up.

I am concerned that both will become isolated and very dependent and be expecting happy families. BIL and SIl are not what I would describe as empathetic! Very brisk, efficient and lacking in patience.

Doesn't sound like it would work.

Would they be willing to rent up North for six months or a year and sell the old place if it worked out well?