Need independent advice. Two years ago whilst on a weekend away with a group of old uni friends, and after a wine fuelled evening I decided to 'suggest' that we all be a bit more thoughtful and less bitchy to each other. The years that preceeded this event i had found increasingly more difficult to deal with - as each meeting involved a string of bitchy comments or conversations about the one that wasn't there. I had just gone through a pretty crazy year before this (miscarriage, birth of first born, followed by my dad having a stroke, and unbeknown to me that day i was pregnant with my second child), so will admit i was seeing the world through fairly sensitive glasses. Anyway, never in my wildest dreams did i expect the backlash i received, with all parties denying to know anything of what i was referring, and suggesting i take some time away, a period which became months (and now years). After that night i had a pretty horrible dilemma - either i stated all examples and face the fact that we could end up with no one speaking to each other, or walk away and hope that they would be honest with each other and in time come back and tell me they had talked it over and agreed. I did the later, but the end result never came and in fact i endured some pretty nasty email communications throughout my pregnancy and thereafter. I think the way they behaved afterwards proved to me that we were just very different people now and perhaps this was for the best, but i still find it very difficult to accept. I know that no one would like for their friends to know that they talk about them or ridicule them behind their backs, and i did apologise to them for opening a pandoras box that probably caused embarrassment and hurt to them all. I genuinely wanted to make things better..
The thing is - two years have passed and there's been no resolution. They insist i say i was wrong and rejoin 'the group'; i stand by what i said and actually don't want to be part of a group that behave that way - however i do value them individually as friends, albeit i feel very hurt by how they have punished me over the last few years.
I can't tell you how much this has upset me, sending me into periods of depression after i had my second child. I just don't know if i should just put it all behind me and move on, accepting that too much damage has been done, or if i need to find closure in another way. I've never had a situation like this with friends, and know thati should be focusing on my two beautiful children, but i really struggle with having bad feelings with people. What would you do?