Move or stay?

[blueskyy]

Hello I'm in a pickle and don't know what to do! My husband & I have lived in the lovely west country for almost 7 years. We're now ready to start a family but feel lost without our parents. Do we sacrifice a beautiful location by the sea & move back to be near our families in the north? Or do we raise a family alone in the place we love? Any advice would be a massive help! :)

How much would you be giving up? Do you have any picturesque and/or family friendly areas where your parents live? Jobs? DH and I moved away from mainly my friends and family before we had DC1 - only actually just over an hour further away and to an area that is beautiful and very family friendly but if I were making the decision again I'm not sure I'd have done it. There is a lot to be said for having family - especially grandparents - around who can help on a day-to-day basis, especially in the early days.

Would be no contest for me, particularly if you're thinking of having more than one, although I can understand your dilemma. I'd love to live by the sea...

I totally understand your dilema. I'm married with a 5 month old son and my husbands job is dreadful and he is hardly at home to see his son. We have an oppoRtunity to more to the beautiful highlands of scotland with him doing a more family friendly job.. I'm not keen as my parents live on the door step and I feel like I woulD be depriving mmy son of a relationship with his nan and grandad. However my husband is so unhappy and would be happier in scotland. I don't know what to do eaither. My parents were a huge help when my son was born, just from an advice point of view,, I didn't need much hands on support so you would be fine. There is communting, if I go to scotland thhen I would visit parents once a month. I think if you bothh want to be closer to family, then do it. Find somewhere nice to live closer to parents. Its different for me, because my husnabd dosnt have a relationship with his parents whereas I do. Let me know your thoughts

Thank you very much Foshizzle, I think you're right about the value of having grandparents for the kids. My husband used to be very close with his grandparents.

Thank you very much snout, I understand you're also in a dilema too! I wonder if you could test out moving to Scotland, but move back if you weren't happy? Although moving is an ordeal in itself & it would mean finding another job again... Is there a chance you could find a middle ground where you husband looks for a different, more family-friendly job where you are?

The area we're moving to is not too far from the Pennines so we'll at least have some countryside nearby. But my husband is a very keen surfer and loves the sea but also agrees with me that we'd struggle to have kids alone. The only substitute is that we can travel to the sea in about 2 hours up north so maybe weekend trips. I have a job offer up north so we could survive on my wage for a while, but my husband would need to find a new job.
I've been trying to figure out which will mean most to us in the long run - a day-to-day relationship with our parents & grandparents for our kids but somewhere we wouldn't choose to live, or raising them in a place we really love in the countryside by the sea but alone? When it's written out like this it makes perfect sense to move up, but something in my gut keeps making me panic.

Thank you again :)

The other option is your parents moving down toyou? Lots of GP move to 'be nearer the GC'. If they are retied or close to, it may be an option.

*retired !

Hello nice to chat to someone. moving to scotland would mean I wouldn't have to work which would be a bonus for our growing family as I would love more children. My husbands job is in the forces so he is very limited to locations. And scotland for the next 5 years is the only option. we have two houses so we would sell one and have one to fall back on if everything wernt wrong.

Hello nice to chat to someone. moving to scotland would mean I wouldn't have to work which would be a bonus for our growing family as I would love more children. My husbands job is in the forces so he is very limited to locations. And scotland for the next 5 years is the only option. we have two houses so we would sell one and have one to fall back on if everything wernt wrong.

Hi - my DH and I move up to the NW after his redundancy last year, nearer to his DSis and DBro but away from all my family and friends (we did have some of his lovely friends up ehre). Our DS was 2.5 when we moved.

A couple of things to say realy, one is my DPs moved up here in December (renting at the moment) which is fantastic but also has caused major issues with my DBro so don't necessarily rely on them wanting to or being able to move down to be near you.

The other thing is once children come along, your lives will change massively and at least for the first few years your ability to go surfing etc will be severly curtailed. I'm not saying you won't have any spare time at all (haha) but you could move up nearer to your parents, and as you say there are some wonderful areas of countryside up there/here) for the first years of your DCs lives and then when they are older, move back down if you really feel a hankering to do so.

Also, you don't need to move right near to your relatives. You could live on the coast somewhere but then you'd still be much nearer to your parents. It depends on how much you want to rely on them. If it's just to be nearer, then being an hour away would still allow the GPs to see the DGCs every weekend if you really wanted but if you are thinking of using them for childcare etc, you'll probably want to be within a 30 min drive.

Good luck.

Excuse typos please

Hello snout, sorry for my delay in getting back on the forum. Would you feel OK with a 5 year 'trial period' to see if you like Scotland & can you live without parents? Or would that feel too long?

Thank you captainmummy, there is a chance my husband's parents will move down to us, they say they would love to move down but I worry that they might not like it or will upset my husband's sister who wouldn't see them as often as she does now. Christmas would be difficult too without everyone in one place. My biggest fear is my family not seeing the grandkids often & I'd be devastated if they were hurt by me changing my mind and not moving back - I have a horrible feeling of guilt everytime I think about it. If we move up everyone is happy but will we be?

We've already started the moving process and the panic is absolutely killing me. These are all the questions driving me mad - Am I being silly for holding onto my happy but lonely life? Will moving back really be that bad? And if I stay down here will I feel I missed a massive opportunity to reunite with everyone I know? Right now I want to be where I am, but will all that change when we have children? I didn't like the person I was when I lived up north but I'm proud of myself down here (that sounds odd I know).

Thank you southlundon, we've tried to take the strain off by saying to our selves 'if we don't like it we could always move back' but I think we are so utterly worn out with worry that I don't think I bring myself go through all the stress again.We've been putting off this decision since we moved south - we've always said, if we don't like it we can always move back to family, but I never thought when it came to the crunch that I'd be so paralysed with fear at making a choice.

Sorry for the whinge, I'm normally a level headed person & I hate what this decision had turned me into..

Thank you