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Would you just let a friendship go.

10 replies

Tiredprobably · 23/04/2012 13:49

We met at secondary school and had been best friends ever since. We've essentially grown up together and are now in our 30s but things have changed over the last 2 years and I'm finding it a drain. We are quite different but mostly gave always got on. She's much louder and more confident than me and has always had a superiour attitude. She is married with 3 children I was single and it made sense for me to always visit her and make the effort making food for every single childs party over the last 4 years. I met a lovely man who did thousands of pounds worth of work for them over his spare time, it's always made sense they've got children so need the extra help. We since gave had a baby and both turned 30, they cancelled on the same day for both our parties, only bbqs in the day so very child friendly. They haven't come round for over a year now even when invited.
We met over Christmas at a mutual friends and she flirted outrageously with my dp, he was embarrased and tried standing up for me as she keptcalling him poor thing and saying how he needed a good night out, he could join her if I wasn't willing to leave the baby etc, just generally undermining me to him. I attended her sons birthday tea and she was speaking about a girls night out and just didn't invite me even when I spoke to her in the day. So many more examples.
The thing that's really upset me is it was my babys first birthday and she sent a text an hour before saying they couldn't make it but saying my dp could pop round if the party was all too much, it really upset me and after thinking about it I came to the conclusion she just doesn't like me. Then I get a really friendly text about poping round for lunch or she talks about being my bridesmaid next year. I'm just finding it a bit hard work, but don't know if it's worth sticking at it and maybe things will settle when Dcs are older. Sorry this is so long, quite a cathartic rant!

OP posts:
Tiredprobably · 23/04/2012 13:50

Hmm my paragraphs have gone sorry!

OP posts:
MooncupGoddess · 23/04/2012 13:52

'it was my babys first birthday and she sent a text an hour before saying they couldn't make it but saying my dp could pop round if the party was all too much'

That is monumentally shameless. She sounds appalling and you should definitely ditch her!

doormat · 23/04/2012 13:55

tired get rid as it seems to be a one sided relationship....i wouldnt bother me backside with ppl like that...cut her out of your life i think you have tried more than most to put this relationship in a meaningful context and it hasnt been reciprocated..basically hold ya head up high and dont contact her again x

Tiredprobably · 23/04/2012 13:56

So satisfying to hear you say that mooncup!

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Springsister · 23/04/2012 13:57

Sorry but she sounds a real pain in the arse. I would avoid her and get some new friends.

Ambi · 23/04/2012 13:58

Yep defo ditch her!! I have happily resigned from friendships from takers, I don't miss the anguish. She's not a friend towards you by the sounds of it.

GravyHadALumpyMashBaby · 23/04/2012 13:59

Why did it make sense for you to make food for every one of her kids parties? And why did you dp have to do so much work for them? They sound like takers, and I fid friendships only work if both parties give and take.

She sounds like she was happy to take, but has no interest in reciprocating, so yes, i would let the friendship go. I have a DS and only one of our friends have a child. They all help me out as much as they can because of DS (babysit, help with parties etc) but I do things for them in return. It never one way like it has been in your friendship.

Also, flirting with your dp and bad mouthing you?! Angry Not something a friend does.

Drop her. You sound like you have a wonderful family now, and therefore you are no longer of any use to her. You sound like a lovely friend, so go and spend some time with other people who are capable of appreciating your friendship, and are capable of of giving aswell as taking.

Tiredprobably · 23/04/2012 14:23

I think you're all right, I do feel like I'm the only one trying to keep things going and really I'm not sure why. Maybe I should just leave things to fizzle out.

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PooPooInMyToes · 27/04/2012 11:48

I've only read the op but it sounds as though she is jealous of your relationship and new life and feels threatened by it, the fact that you are happy.

I had a friend the same. Started treating me badly, not inviting me to things and publicly putting me down in a jokey PA sort of way in company.

I realised after that this all happened when i met my husband. She had always been the one more in charge of our relationship and that's how she liked it. She was an opinionated and judgmental sort of person and i think my building myself a happy healthy relationship rather then the disasters that had gone before, took away her feeling of control and superiority over me.

She's long dumped!

Shutupanddrive · 30/04/2012 19:04

Dump her, she is not a friend

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