I need some advice.
DD is nearly eight. I love her with all my heart, but for as long as I can remember, she has been abit sneaky. Not massively so, but things like sneaking an extra biscuit or telling fibs. I don't know why, her older sister isn't like this at all. It's a really horrible trait & I find it very difficult to deal with. My main stance is, you get in bigger trouble for lying, and I will be more understanding if you tell the truth, even if you have been naughty.
Recently,when she has been told off for other stuff & sent to her room, she has been very sneaky and taken small personal items of mine. Some she has hidden away, and I've later found them. Mostly they are of no value (e.g, a pretty gold lid from a perfume bottle, or her sisters rubber bracelet ). However, when her dad recently told her off for something, she went upstairs, found an old photo of mine of my childhood school friends, and ripped it into small pieces.
This incident really, really upset me. I didn't shout or scream at her, but had a long talk with her (she found this really difficult, cried quite abit and asked why couldn't I just tell her off?) We talked about things being irreplacable, how disrespectful it was, how it meant I'd find it difficult to trust her etc etc. She doesn't seem to have much empathy.
We talked about ways she could express her angry & created a 'feelings' book together, which she can write in & share with us. It's to help her to understand why she is angry, vent abit, take some responsiblity & get a response from us. It's been working Okish.
Today both kids were told off for arguing, and sent to their room. I later found a favour saved from my wedding, ripped up and squashed in the bin. I am 100% sure it was her, but she will not admit it. I don't want to interrogate her (as it just becomes a battle of wills, and she acts victimised, even when she later admits to the 'crime'), but am so angry & upset. I had to go out, and before I left, asked her to write the truth in the feelings book and we could talk about it later. She just acted all cheerful saying 'Fine', smiling & waving me off. It was obvious I was furious by this point, and I almost felt she was taking some pleasure in that.
In the book tonight, she has written that she is angry at being accused by me. In the 'Did I do anything wrong?' section, she has simply put 'No'. I know this is a lie.
What do I do now? Drop it? Pursue it with her? Get someone else involved - teacher/ed psych?
I am at the end of my tether with this. Feel so disappointed in her & really struggling to deal with this horrible situation effectively.
Please help.