Neighbour complaining again?! Don't think it'll never end :(

[BellaLEL]

Okay, so about a month ago I received a letter from our neighbours downstairs asking us to "at least try to keep the noise down". This noise being our 2 small DD's running and playing, basically being kids. We wrote a reasonable letter back saying that after all they are kids and that's what they do, also the fact that we were aware of the flooring not being well insulated (we live in a conversion flat).

Either way, time has passed and have bumped in to them a couple of times since and said hello, no awkwardness. But....since it's been raining all this week I have been leaving the buggy near the front door of the building to prevent the carpeted stairs from getting dirty. Along with this I also put a towel under it to prevent the floor from getting wet and dirty too.

Today, as I was putting the towel down my neighbour came out of his door to go out, I say "hi", so does he. As he walks past the buggy he looks at it in such a way like "what's that doing there?".

He said to me, "So that's staying there now, is it?" in a blunt way. I said "no, just leaving it here until it dries for the sake of the stairs". He then asked again "but it's staying there now?" Errr..."yes, as I said just until it dries, it'll be going back up once dry". Then he replies with "the thing is we're the only people that clean this area, understandably it's communal, but we are the only people that clean it". Err..."well actually I cleaned down here AND the stairs on Sunday so you're in fact not the only one's but I understand what you mean, I do intend to clean up after myself as it's my front door too" all in a civil manner. He went "oh you're just saying that". I then felt like I didn't need to explain myself any further and finally said "look, you clearly have a problem with us but it's not my fault at the end of the day, it's your problem that you live in a ground floor flat, not mine" then I started walking up the stairs feeling quite angry. As soon as I did, he finished with "oh fuck off" and walked outside and slammed the front door.

Thing is, this guy seems to work from home, he's indoors all the time so he must soak up all the noise created by me, my DH and my children during the day as well as the evening and early morning, but is that my fault? It feels like he thinks we're the worst neighbours in the world.

Do I just deal with this, or move? I've tried to be civil but this guy just seems like he wants an argument all the time and not sure whether his attitude would change?! Huh, stressful times! I'm tempted to say "shall we swap flats?" But unfortunately our landlords are different so there's no chance in that happening!

PS - Sorry for how long it is :/

Unless he is actively making your lives unpleasant - playing loud music in 'retaliation' / unnerving you, the children or DH etc., then probably best just leave him to it.

It's nice that you're aware that he may be a bit more upset with the noise than someone who works outside their home, and are therefore more understanding as to why he's acting the way he is, but, ultimately, unless your / his landlord does something about soundproofing there isn't much you can do to alleviate his stress.

Maybe just be resolutely cheerful when you see him? Also, when you do clean the communal area perhaps call in to see if there's any specific areas he'd like doing before you start?

We live next to a couple of nutcases who seem to think we are incredibly noisy. We are out all day. Kids in bed 7.30pm. But still the old bitch slammed her doors and swore at my five year old as she came in from a school.

We are now so lovely and polite to them it would make you sick. We even, as a whole family, wave to the old cow as she glares at us out of the window.

(back story - we are sure she was the one who broke our buggy, children's scooters and ripped up my shopping bag. She has lived there six months. We have been there 10 years)

Thanks guys. Yeah I think I'll just leave him to it, unless he does anything to offend us. And always be polite to him and his wife (though we have been anyway).

Thanks again! :D

"it's your fault if you live in a ground floor flat, not mine" - did you really say that? That wasn't exactly conciliatory, was it?

And what's wrong with him working from home? Lots of people do!

If you were making a lot of noise all the time above me then I would be cross as well. Especially if I was working.

Sorry.

It doesn't sound like you're really bothered about his feelings about the noise, just that you're bothered about him telling you and him being cross about it!

(Apologies - I didn't see your other thread so don't know if your back story is any different to this)

I work from home and work nights and had to put up with downstairs sanding his floors while i was trying to sleep. This afternoon, the DJ upstairs has been playing music while I am trying to study.

It's unreasonable to get annoyed by daytime niose when you live in a flat. Night time is a different matter.

But I think that if you know your downstairs neighbour works from home, surely you would try and be considerate, wouldn't you?

I don't think small children running about and playing in their own home is inconsiderate.

I don't thionk my neighbour sanding his floors was inconsiderate - he stopped at 7pm (just as I was getting up after three hours sleep)

DP is self employed and has an office because there is to much distraction at home - not just us but other people too.

The daytime noise is a bit Ott for him
To complain. I have a little bit of sympathy with the buggy- they are cumbersome and i think I would ask before leaving it In a shared area. I am sure the buggy in shared area has been in aibu before .

I would do the keep being polite/ignore route someone else suggested.

I think she does sound concerned, where do you get that idea?

what exactly could she say to his questions, other than what she said!!

She sounded exasperated by the end of the conversation, as he wasn't willing to listen to what she saying about the buggy being in the 'shared' entrance area.

Agree op you sound like couldn't win with neighbour in that conversation.

But without knowing how big your lobby is and what size pushchair it is I can't say If that is Ott. To be honest I am not sure I would be overjoyed if a massive p and t mountain buggy was parked in a small hall. Yes it is shared but it's meant to be for access.

Having lived with noisy upstairs neighbours I can understand how frustrated he must feel.
you end up with every single little noise just grating on you... it really drove me insane, and we moved out in the end (one of a few reasons, but not a minor reason)

I think it might be worth talking to your landlord about noise reduction? in our case the upstairs flat had laminate flooring which meant that we heard EVERYTHING including their taps running, doorbell going, washing machine, them having sex... everything.

maybe if you have hard floors you could ask the landlord to provide some rugs or something?

We certainly have rugs in our hallway and all rooms just to keep noise down. Strict shoes off policy, no wheeled vehicles or noisy toys. I never play the children music, they don't learn any instruments, and we try to stop them shouting.

But they live in the building too and have the right to be children. And sometimes that means they will be a bit noisy and the zen that done people seem to require 24/7 is disturbed.

Why dont you ask which room he works from (assuming it's a bedroom) and offer to keep the kids out of there during working hours (9-5. Not neccesarily his working hours but may be enough to calm the waters.

Obviously won't work if he sits in the room below your kitchen all day but....

I feel for you both. I always prefered top floor for this reason.

well good for you.

my post was in reply to the OP, not you

)

Thst's a good idea. Also keeping doors shut stops noise travelling.

I am currently listening to downstairs neighboyr's exercise video.

I would move. Not because of the neighbour but because it doesn't sound like your children can be children in their own home no musical toys? No wheeled toys? Kids shout! I don't mean to make out your children are suffering in any way but it just seems a bit sad to me.

We send alot of time in the park

@ BIWIWhoMustBeObeyed

1. Yes I did say that. And no, for 3 months now I have been reasonable. He sent me a letter complaining about my 2 small children making noise and asked if we could "at least try" to keep the noise down. I replied with an understanding letter given the poor insulation and tried to help him understand that they are just kids and that's what they do. Also reassured him that we will try and I will take them out more often than usual. Since we moved in, we were well aware that the noise created would be heard. And for you to say that I should try and be more considerate, what are you then suggesting? I pin my kids down, don't let them play? HOW can I be more considerate? You tell me, hence the reason for this thread. I take my eldest to and from pre-school 5 days a week, park, shopping, visit relatives, we're not in all day everyday. Anymore suggestions would be very helpful, thanks ;)

1. I have absolutely no problem with him working from home. My point was that I can understand him being more annoyed than the ordinary worker being that he does work from home. I can picture him at his desk stewing and over-boiling, but they're CHILDREN.

1. You may think that I'm being unreasonable and don't give for his feelings but the point of this thread is to get others' ideas as to what I can do to help the matter. Last thing I want is to have continuous disputes with my neighbours, does that make more sense now?

@ Gigondas, the communal area has space for our buggy (which is a tandem) and for people to get passed. His problem was that he claims to be the only one to clean that area. I clean the communal area every week, in front of his door and the other flat door.

@ doughnutty, yeah that's a good idea, will most definitely ask. Anything to show that I am 'at least trying'. Thank you.

@ thisisyesterday, I do most definitely think that the landlord should be informed, so will draft a letter up now. We have carpets throughout, brand new. The floor boards are quite creeky in areas like the hallway and living room (most used areas).Thank you.

@ FateLovesTheFearless, our tenancy would be ready for renewal in October, DH and I have discussed that we'll search the market and see if there are any houses or ground floor flats available. I'd much prefer one of those options and like the idea, but it may not work in our favour as there may not be anything available. If that's the case, we'd renew our tenancy for another year and include the break clause so we can still search. Thank you.

Thanks to everyone for your comments. Like I said if anyone has any other suggestions I'd be very grateful. :D

He does sound difficult. You have children and they do what they do! Its not like you can strap them down. Its also not your fault that he works from home. You can't stop your children from moving!

Leaving a buggy in the hallway while it dries is perfectly reasonable.

Sounds like he has a bit of a chip on his shoulder and will complain whatever you do.

Spoke to estate agents to get in touch with the landlord regarding better insulation, sound proofing etc. Fingers crossed she'll approve, otherwise we're moving.