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Original poster

No boxed gifts?

54 replies

Kizza2 · 18/04/2012 17:45

will you put that on your first birthday invitations- or do a gift list?

for my DD's two years ago, we got unwanted things which we havent even unpacked, to avoid that for my DS we wanted to keep the boxes to a minimum- has anyone done this?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 18/04/2012 17:47

erm, i wouldn't do either as both would be very rude!!!

I would either politely state that I didn't want gifts, or accept that people are going to buy things that may not be to your taste.

if people ask then of course it's fine to suggest something your child might like.
otherwise you be polite and accept things that someone has kindly bought you

Original poster
Kizza2 · 19/04/2012 08:26

it will be out family and friends- is there really such thing as being rude to the family?

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 19/04/2012 08:28

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QuintessentialShadows · 19/04/2012 08:30

"is there really such thing as being rude to the family?"

Hmm you have to ask?

If there were no such thing half the threads on mumsnet by offended and hurt family members would disappear!

reddaisy · 19/04/2012 08:33

It is incredibly rude. HTH.

Essene · 19/04/2012 08:39

While I agree that it is rude to ask wider friends and acquaintances for a certain sort of gift, and of course it is possible to be rude to family!, I don't, however, see anything wrong with letting family members know what you would like as presents for your child. I have always done this, as has my sister who also has children. In fact, as a family, we rely on each other to tell each other what to get. That is not to say that we are not free to choose something different, but it is not always possible to know what people have or what they want/need, so within the family it is common practice for lists to be provided.

I wouldn't give friends a list though.

CamperFan · 20/04/2012 19:31

What do you mean by boxed gifts?

It sounds very rude. I would not do a list for a first birthday, or any birthday for that matter. I would tell my friends that I really don't expect any presents for a one year old, and I would mention to my family if there was something I really didn't need. For example, DS2 seems to have an disproportionate number of coats for an 18 month old!!

I have however, at the request of some family members done the odd Amazon wishlist for Xmas or birthdays for DS1 - some of them really have no idea what to get as they don't see him very often or know what he has/doesn't have.

birdsofshoreandsea · 20/04/2012 19:34

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SauvignonBlanche · 20/04/2012 19:35

Unbelievably rude.

gamerwidow · 20/04/2012 19:36

Either option would be incredibly rude. There is nothing wrong with giving people gift suggestions if they ask but to give a gift list for birthday is incredibly entitled.
Either say no gifts or accept you might get some stuff you don't want.
p.s. I assume by no boxed gifts your saying give us money instead Hmm

TheEpilator · 20/04/2012 19:39

I think its handy to have a cupboard full of unwanted gifts as it saves me buying them for friends' birthdays. Accept with good grace whatever is given and if you don't want to keep it, re-gift :-)

K999 · 20/04/2012 19:39

Sad that you view gifts as "unwanted".....and to be honest I know people sometimes turn down invitations to parties because they can't afford presents. If you want to avoid getting unwanted presents why don't you just say "all that we want is your presence......surely your DS just wants to have a good time with his friends?

lagoonhaze · 20/04/2012 19:42

Very very rude!

beatofthedrum · 20/04/2012 19:44

So rude.

TheEpilator · 21/04/2012 14:51

I suppose to me "unwanted" isn't necessarily things DCs don't WANT as much as don't need, so maybe that is what OP means too. With 30 children coming to a party there are bound to be some duplications.

I didn't notice a message on an invitation saying "no gifts please, if you want to give a gift perhaps money or a voucher". When we handed over the wrapped gift the mum said "Oh great, more plastic tat" Shock (it wasn't). It was obviously the parent who didn't want gifts, not the child.

If we get a duplicate of something DCs already have, they would still WANT to open it and have 2 of them, whereas I would say, "well you don't really need 2 of them, why don't we put it in the present cupboard so that one of your friends (hopefully not the one who gave it to them Blush) can enjoy playing with it too.

They learn to share when they have been given so much, plus it saves money on buying toys and saves filling up their room.

TheAvocadoOfWisdom · 21/04/2012 14:57

"No boxed gifts"?

My goodness, it's bloody cheek, despite its coy presentation.

Mind you, if this sort of thing is normal for your social circle, and you're only inviting similar types, I suppose you wouldn't have to worry. It'd make me choke on my cornflakes though, if I got an invitation like that.

crypes · 21/04/2012 15:02

Haha "More plastic tat" what did she mean by that? she wanted 'Naice' expensive, special lovely stuff or money and lots of it.

QIelf · 21/04/2012 15:09

rude rude rude

it's not about you, it's about your child
"we got unwanted things which we havent even unpacked"

WE?

Like it or not, children like cheapo plastic squeaky crap sometimes. It's your child's birthday, let them have their presents and if something is truly objectionable, discreetly replace it.

Generally, I find the mention of gifts on an invitation crass, grabby and entitled. If you haven't the grace to accept whatever token guests turn up with, don't invite them. Parties aren't about the haul.

A gift list on a 1st birthday invitation. Fuck me.

BrigitBigKnickers · 21/04/2012 15:20

Op-are you for real? unbelievably rude.

We are talking about a child's first birthday not a wedding (and I would think it rude under those circumstances too unless someone actively asked for a list.)

Meglet · 21/04/2012 15:31

It's a bit rude. But as someone who has had many duplicate gifts or stuff that was never unpacked (or we had space for) then it's a good idea to mention it to close family.

Can't you just chat to your closest family and tell them what your DS needs? My family always ask if I haven't told them what the DC's need.

Mind you, I never mention it to XP's family as he thought it was really rude. As a result they buy the biggest toys we don't have space for and end up at mums or sold on Hmm.

clippityclop · 21/04/2012 15:37

Very, very rude! If anyone asks, say what you'd prefer.

Floggingmolly · 21/04/2012 15:39

What the hell is a "boxed" gift? Most toys are boxed, aren't they? What if people are as confused by this as I am and buy giant sized cuddly toys instead, would this suit you better? It is rude and presumptuous to issue edicts regarding gifts in any form at all, the fact that it's to family makes no difference at all.

LeeCoakley · 21/04/2012 15:41

How about donating those unpacked items to a hospice or as raffle items for a children's charity?

lisaro · 21/04/2012 15:41

There was a thread about this this week. It is incredibly rude, family or not!

McPhee · 21/04/2012 15:47

For one, it's not your birthday it's the childs, get over it ffs. Stop being such a snob about the type of gifts you might get from people. Believe it or not, people don't have a never ending supply of cash and will get whatever they can afford or see fit Hmm. If you don't like it, then don't have a party/celebration. That way your poor child won't be subjected to any form of fun/pleasure.

A birthday is about celebrating a childs life. Period!