Falling out with stepsisters over parent's estate

[pinklaydee]

My dad and stepmum recently died, suddenlly and in their 60's, six weeks apart. I have two sisters and two stepsisters. Apart from the obvious devastation, neither had wills. In Scots law, it means that the bulk of stepmum's estate (she died first) went to dad, and then me and my sisters.
We are mortified that the house is ours, as our stepsisters grew up there when their dad was still alive. So we told them from the start that we will sign it over, no question.
However, they have now asked us to also give them the remainder of the money left over from the estate, and will in turn give us what amounts to 4% to cover the car our parents had together. They say that because our dad has now gone, then we shouldn't be entitled to any money from their mum's estate.
The problem is that our dad's name was not on the deeds for the house, and there is no physical evidence of his contributions to its upkeep. Obviously this is no different to many couples, who still contribute to their lives together without any obvious proof. They are claiming that he probably didn't (we can only speculate). His estate has not been finalised but will only be the remainder of his private pension.
We feel that part of the money in our stepmum's estate would be our inheritance from dad, especially as we are not making a claim on the house and any of its' contents. We felt that this was fair, and would mean that they both have two-thirds of the estate, while me and my sisters would have one-third between us.
This is not a legal issue, but needs to be sorted out. Are we fair to stick to our guns? We thought about signing over another chunk of money, leaving us with about 12%.
We really want to have a relationship with the girls, our kids all get on well and are similar ages, and talking about our parent's money in this way is horrible.
The horrible thing is the way in which they are trying to distance their mum from our dad. We know that they had a loving relationship and were looking forward to old age together. They both gave up previous marriages to be together.
The lesson is, make a will!

Could you allow the lawyers to sort everything out about who is legally entitled to what, and then agree with your sisters whether you'd like to make a gift to your stepsisters? That would untie the legal side from what you feel is "right" and gives them a lot less to complain about if they are being a bit funny about it all.

It sounds as if you feel you are legally entitled to more than you want to take from the whole setup, so they ought to be ok about it. But people rarely are, IME, and start to think of everything you have offered as being theirs by right, then get offended if you won't give more.

Yes, sort the legal stuff and then resolve the moral issue. Much more knotty problem!

How long was the couple together?

Can you get together and say what you just out in your post - it all sounds very understandable? Hopefully they don't want to fall out either?

Additionally, it maybe that he lost more financially on the exit from his marriage (to be with their mum) than she did exiting hers to be with him... maybe that is why he has less to show for it - in which case morally, he has some claim on her finances - could they look at it that way?

Thanks AMumInScotland for your thoughts. Legally, me and my sisters are entitled to their home and a cash payout, while our stepsisters are legally entitled to a cash payout of a third of the entire estate (which includes the house). Dad had already told them that he would sign the house over to them, and we are certainly going to do that. They grew up there and it would be morally wrong to take it. but, legally, it is ours.

I should add that our lawyer told me that how we now share out the cash is something we have to sort out ourselves. It would be a case of me and my sisters signing over the house and most of the money.

Thanks GinPalace, I think that's a great idea, I got a bit tongue-tied talking to them on Saturday! it became quite heated to be honest, as they feel that because dad is now gone, then they should get all of the money that he was entitled to, and not us.
They had a shaky start as they had an affair, mum kicked dad out then they began living together 13 years ago. Their fifth wedding anniversary us next week. They lived in her former marital home for almost nine years.

I think you have had good advice from the 2 posters above.
Let the legal bods sort out what is legally correct and then discuss with your siter what you both want to do, to sort out what you feel is 'morally' right. The stepsisters need to be aware that actually you could walk away with the majority of the estate, and it is only yours and your sister's generosity that is giving them more than they are actually entitled to. For them to be asking for even more than that doesn't put them in a very good light at all.
Sorry for your loss. It's very hard to lose both parents so close, particularly when they are so young.

Sounds like a very delicate situation with lots at stake. Certainly some thinking before conversations would be worthwhile. feelings are bound to be running high too.

Is there a close friend of both of them who could be there when you all get together for a chat to try to keep the tone of the conversation respectful to both deceased and their relationship in an honest way. As it sounds like sullying the memory of that would be pretty hurtful too. Hurts can take a long time to heal and prevention is better than cure.

Good luck it sounds like a minefield.

Get the house independently valued. Then the harsh £value of what they are being given in addition to what they are legally entitled to is clear to everyone. Your parents would not have intended to leave you with almost nothing and them with almost everything. Point this out if you need to, but above all remember it yourself.

You need to check the tax implications for your stepsisters - sounds like the legal form is that you INHERIT the house and then GIVE it to the stepsisters. If that's right then your stepsisters might need to pay tax on the house value as it's a pretty valuable gift. You HAVE to check this out as if they can't afford to pay the tax then you'll all need to rethink. Personally, I wouldn't give them the cash and the house under any circumstances as it isn't what your Dad nor stepmother would want. Could instead continue to own it but allow them to live there rent-free, in return for them insuring it and doing repairs etc., until such a time as they could buy it from you. They would get the remainder of the estate (i.e. the cash and the car).

If git tax not an issue, common courtesy would suggest that if the house is worth as much as, or more than, the total of the rest of the estate, then they get the house and you get all else. This would surely be how your Dad and step-mother would have wanted it?

Suggest that if no amicable solution can be reached then either (a) the house should be sold and the cash value of the full estate be split evenly between you all, or (b) you go with the legally correct approach and you keep house, they get share of cash.

Would be ideal if you could find someone to act as a fair third-party between you, someone who you both trust. It's a dreadful situation, but if the solution is fair to everyone then in the longer term am sure the relationship between you all will recover.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone, I have really needed to speak to people who don't know me so that they are not biased. We all just want to find a solution and then move on with our lives together.
Thanks xx