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...If your family were being difficult re wedding

15 replies

LullyBiff · 13/04/2012 14:14

Me and DP want to get/be married, but we don't want A Wedding. We do not relish the idea of having loads of family and friends witnessing us blushing and stumbling over the vows, don't want the big dress, bridemaids, etc. I actually find the whole idea of people sitting behind us listening to it intensely embarassing for some reason. We just don't want to be centre of attention. What I would most like to do is a register office on a weekday morning while the children are school, with two witnesses. Might sound awful, but there we go.

The problem is various members of family when we've mentioned anything about it have threatened to never speak to us again (melodramatic and exaggerated no doubt but they would be angry), say they'd be very hurt, disappointed etc.

So we are in a situation where we've been together for twelve years, have been engaged for most of that time but don't feel like we can actually ever marry. Either we would upset a lot of people by getting married privately, or we'd have to do the proper wedding thing to keep everyone else happy, and it wouldn't be the way we want it. I suppose the easiest option is just carry on as we are.

So, wwyd?

OP posts:
BloooCowWonders · 13/04/2012 14:15

Do you actually have to tell them Grin? Just go ahead as you want and do it. Maybe let it slip in a couple of years time...

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 13/04/2012 14:40

Exactly what I was going to say. If you are just getting married in the legal sense, and not having a reception etc, then just do it anyway.
They might find out one day if they see you've changed your surname on some paperwork, but that could be years away.
I'll be a witness for you if you're in W Yorkshire Grin

mrsnesbit · 13/04/2012 14:43

We didnt tell anyone until a week before.
Reg office on a Fri afternoon.

Have to say, with one weeks notice, every fecker & his dog was there, the place was packed.

We just CBA with the faffing and arguments.

It was the best day ever...12 years ago now and everone is still speaking to us!

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hairytale · 03/05/2012 08:45

I agree with doing it and never telling anyone.

cocolepew · 03/05/2012 08:47

Do you mean your parents, or general family members?

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 03/05/2012 08:48

Do not give in to emotional blackmail, do it as you wish. It is your day, they've had theirs.

MushroomSoup · 04/05/2012 22:36

DH and I told our parents the night before our registry office wedding. We got married in our lunch hour. Kids at school, no other guests. Some people were hurt but they got over it! If you can't do what you want on your OWN wedding day, when can you?!
I think people are pretty bloody selfish to try and dictate wedding rules to someone else.
I bet they had the wedding day THEY wanted.

MoonlightandRoses · 04/05/2012 22:46

Would you be up to throwing a 'celebration party'? If so, then you could announce the date for that and state that at some point in the week prior to said party (could even be on the day, they don't have to know that) you will be married.
There's probably some way of working in Mushroom's comments into the invite to the effect that as your nearest and dearest, you know that they wish you happy and therefore want you and N(early)H to have the perfect day (i.e. your marriage, your way).

Also, I know this is semantics, but it may help with acceptance if you use the term 'marriage' rather than 'wedding' as the former implies the act and the latter the party.

MousyMouse · 04/05/2012 22:48

just book into the registry office, grab two friends (or mumsnetters) as witnesses. and have a great day!

Menroca16 · 05/05/2012 17:50

Me and DP getting hitched this Friday...registery office with 2 best pals then out for a meal and drinks. My family are happy for us, his arent speaking to us......youve just got to do whats right for you both...i am very excited!!!

Go for it!!!!

DontmindifIdo · 05/05/2012 17:53

Organise it, you can tell them it's happening, but not when/where. Say you are going to arrange a party later and then never get round to it

glenthebattleostrich · 06/05/2012 20:53

We got bullied into a 'wedding'. My Dad didn't want to miss walking his little girl down the aisle! Sentimental old git cost us £3,500 in the end. We organised it in 3 months and MIL was in a massive strop because only immediate family and close friends were invited (i.e. not her mates who we've never met). It was a pain in the arse.

If I could go back and do it again it would be our original plan of get married on the Friday and go visit family on the Saturday and have a meal to celebrate.

On the plus side, our ceremony was very short, Pretty much, anyone object? You happy, you happy? Congrats your married. Litterally in and out in ten minutes so not a proper wedding according to MIL

RandomMess · 06/05/2012 20:56

Just go and do it, you do a big party later on - if you want to!

sixgran · 15/05/2012 17:49

You (hopefully) only get married once so do it your way. As a compromise, can you tell every one that, because you have been together so long you feel that this marriage is merely a legal formality. Then you can do exactly as you please and treat the ceremony however you want.

Maybe you could give a dinner or small party at a later date for every one.

My three children all had very different weddings, any relatives or friends who are worth anything will put their own feelings aside. Those that don't - tough

FriskyMare · 15/05/2012 18:04

Menorca16 congratulations!

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